


rest it on my fingertips (cause i know you're persuasive)

by warmcuppatea



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blowjobs, Boys Kissing, Cheating, Flashbacks, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Massages, Non-Monogamy, Nudes, Past Cheating, Personal assistant Niall, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Sexy flashbacks, and handsome actor husband thomas, barbados trip, beach snogging, concerned siblings, ft. manager liam, harry used to be a major hoe, hoodie tie bows, i promise they're all okay, obsession with poke tattoos, one direction - a two piece, pants parties, peeping tom harry (only a little promise), phone snooping, pining and anticipation, slight dubcon in a flashback, tom is fine, tour manager zayn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-09-29 05:28:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 53,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17197415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmcuppatea/pseuds/warmcuppatea
Summary: The water was hitting his ankles. the sun blinding his eyes, as he felt Thomas walk up behind him. He sighed, taking another drag of his cigarette. He'd know the feeling of his husband anywhere. It was usually so comforting but now, it felt confusing. He let the smoke out of his mouth, wishing he could float away into the sky with it."It's happening, isn't it?" Thomas asked, and honestly, Louis couldn't face him right now if he tried. His voice was gentle and sweet, not hurt and confused like it ought to be. "You're falling back in love with Harry aren't you?"---louis isn't in love with harry anymore. harry's trying to change that.





	1. prologue: fingers crossed x

**Author's Note:**

> hello, hey, hiiii :)
> 
> welcome to my newest work, rest it on my fingertips (cause i know you're persuasive)! i am so excited for this story. honestly, the idea just kind of came out of nowhere but i'm so in love with it so far. i hope you are too!
> 
> it's a bit of a slow build. the prologue really sets the scene for the next few chapters and the epilogue. so please bear with me!
> 
> all mistakes are mine and mine only as i don't have a beta.
> 
> x moll

Getting off of a plane, descending the steps into a pool of fans - there wasn't any feeling quite like it. It was indescribable, the rush of endorphins flowing through Louis’ veins, and it seemed to happen every single time. No matter what the circumstance, or how tired he was, when he heard his fans, he came alive. As his jet touched the ground, he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. He was home, and happy, and tired as hell, but he could already hear the screaming - his heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. He stayed seated as they taxied through the tarmac - Louis knew the drill - and (tried to) listened intently as his manager talked him through the last few important announcements of the press junket they were on.

“Okay, Lou. Back in London, we’re almost done.” Liam said, and sighs of relief could be heard all throughout the jet. “The lineup for this week is simple - you’re doing a few autographs and photos on the tarmac here, you’ll be on Radio 1 in the morning with Grimmy tomorrow at 6, so your arrival time should be about 5:30, you’ll be skyping onto the Late Late show with James at 7 pm sharp, and finally you’ll be on the finale of X Factor tomorrow, call time of 3 pm, to perform and make your big announcement. And after that, we’re here for the weekend, off to Australia the next week, and New Zealand that weekend. Questions, anyone?”

Liam looked down at his clipboard, making sure he’d gone through every detail. A few questions came up, from the head of his tour staff, Zayn, his personal stylist, Perrie, and his own personal assistant, Niall. He just let himself zone out, however, because he was almost _home_ . Home - where is siblings were, where his house and his dogs and his _husband_ were. Home, where the air was cold and rainy and that was the way he liked it, thank you very much. Home, where his best friends and his favorite pubs were. Liam clapped his hands together, effectively pulling him out of his dreamy thoughts about the city he’d grown to love more and more every time his job required him to leave. “Alright, everyone. You know the drill. Maximum of 15 minutes and I want Bres glued to Lou’s hip the entire time. Lou, your car is waiting and your driver is ready - the car should be loaded to go in 5 if you want to make a quick getaway to the Mr.” Liam said with a soft smile.

Louis mirrored it. God, he was so thrilled to be home. “Got it. Thanks, Leemo.” The plane had finally stopped, and a flight attendant told them they were good to go. Niall handed him his cell phone, connected to cell signal and all nonessential messages forwarded to Niall for him to deal with. And so, he grabbed his carry on, slinging it over his shoulder, before standing, waiting for the doors to open.

✭✭✭

The house was quiet when he came home. Shutting the door behind him, he locked it, before letting his bags fall off his shoulders with a sigh. His driver was unpacking all his other bags into his garage, but these were the important ones. He’d do laundry and pack again later, but he had more important things to do right now. He kicked off his shoes and headed upstairs. His house was never this quiet, usually, there were people and family bustling in and out, trying to take advantage of all the downtime the family rarely got. It was cleaned to perfection, as usual, since he was the messy one in the marriage. The fact that he’d been away probably made his house cleaner rejoice. As he rounded the corner, towards his bedroom, he heard Archie barking. He smiled even more - so his husband _was_ home. He only left Archie in the room when he was attended. He turned the handle and laughed as he was greeted with his most favorite pup. He couldn’t help but kneel down and kiss all over Archie’s face, petting him shamelessly, before closing the door behind him.

He crawled into bed gently, not wanting to wake up his precious husband, who no doubt had gotten home from a late call not too long ago. It was only half five now - still dark outside - so he hadn’t been expecting an awake welcome. He let his arms wrap around his broad, shirtless torso, his legs slotting between his, and Louis couldn’t help but sigh as his eyes closed. Home always felt better and better every time he had to leave. Coming home to his _husband_ felt better and better every single time, but leaving only got harder and harder. He pressed a kiss onto his cheek and felt the man stir, freezing where he was. “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath, but he couldn’t help the way his breath hitched when his husband opened his eyes.

Ocean blue eyes met Louis’ deep blue ones, and it felt like he was falling in love all over again - the butterflies and flips in his stomach never stopped, no matter how many times he had to go away. Warm, sleepy lips pressed against his own, and he kissed him back gently because he was so sleepy and precious - and Louis just _loved_ him. He pulled away gently, stroking the soft stubble on the man’s cheek. “I tried not to wake you,” He said, smiling.

His husband smiled and laughed. “I’ll always forgive you for that. Welcome home, popstar. Missed you dearly.” It was the same thing he said every single time Louis got home from being away, and it comforted his soul so much more than he could ever express. He leaned his head against his shoulder, cuddling into his personal space and his warmth. “Missed you too, superstar.” He replied, as always, before falling asleep.

✭✭✭

Married life was always full of surprises, but in general, it was so much more amazing than Louis had ever pictured it. They’d had a relatively short relationship - they were engaged within a year and married only 6 months after that, but Louis always just explained that when you know, you know. He’d met Thomas Avery on the BBMA’s when they were paired together to present an award and introduce the next musical act. Louis had just broken it off with one of his many exes so they just were friendly, but within a month, Thomas insisted that he wanted to take Louis out on a date. That he didn’t care if he’d just become material for a Grammy-nominated album one day - that he _had_ to get to know Louis. And from there, it just exploded.

Thomas was one of the most popular, budding actors, especially of English descent. He was unlike anyone Louis had ever met - he matched Louis’ crazy, loved being spontaneous and fun, was adventurous and loving, and had some exceptional career goals. He never made Louis feel bad about his success or failure, just supported him the whole time. He loved standing VIP at Louis’ concerts as much as Louis loved being Tom’s arm candy on a red carpet. They were a power couple, and even after three years of marriage, Louis has no doubts that he really, truly got it right this time.

Which is why it was only 9 am, and he was already wide awake. Because he didn’t sleep for long, laying next to his attractive husband, who he’d spent two and a half weeks away from. He’d woken up to lips on his neck and a hand around his cock, and they’d romped in the sheets for an hour before they finally heard some bustle downstairs, meaning company was here. Whether it be his sisters or either of their publicists, their house was always bustling and busy, even on his day off. Thomas had just smirked and given him a kiss, taking the shower first. Louis fully took the opportunity to get a few more minutes of sleep, before getting ready himself when his husband was done.

He got in the shower himself, sighing with happiness. Hotel showers were always nice, but there was nothing quite like being at home. He took his time and washed off the grime from a day of traveling and the cum from his husband, before drying off and putting on a robe. He trimmed his beard, did his hair, and brushed his teeth because as much as he wanted to laze around, you never really knew who to expect at his house. He wanted to look at least somewhat presentable. So he put on some joggers and a tee, because that was the best he could offer right now. He exited his room and was thrilled to find that it was his sisters and brother who were downstairs. No managers or agents, thank God. It looked like Lottie had even convinced Tom to make some pancakes, so Louis was over the moon.

Before he could even make his presence known, he was attacked by Doris and Ernest. His favorite baby siblings who weren’t quite babies anymore and the only set of siblings completely used to the way Louis’ work made him come and go since that was all he’d been doing since before they were born. They weren’t babies anymore, he remembered, because their 7th birthday had just passed. But they would always be babies to him, he supposed. He hugged them tightly and greeted them, not even getting an extra word in as they talked about school and chores and dance class and what they wanted for Christmas, and Louis couldn’t even wipe the smile off of his face. He gave them each a kiss on the forehead before greeting Daisy and Felicite, Phoebe, and finally Lottie.

Even after their mother’s death, all of his siblings were doing amazing. The four youngers were all doing well in their classes, Phoebe had gotten her first job in marketing (with some help from her older brother, of course), and Lottie was a superstar herself, selling her own brands of makeup and having a huge social media presence. He gave Lottie a huge hug, kissing her cheek a few times, making her giggle. His other siblings were all loved just as much, but Lottie always held a special, unexplainable part of his heart.

She was currently bantering back and forth with Thomas about an event they had mutually gone to over the weekend, speaking about how pretentious some actors are. Louis just smiled. He was always a bit on the quiet side until he was well rested (and fucked, if we’re being honest), and had a good meal in. He wrapped his arms around his sister and gave her a squeeze, smiling as she kissed his cheek. All the hardships they’d been through had only drawn them closer together, and through boyfriends, the loss of their mother, grand career moves, and the normaties of growing older, they’d become closer than they could’ve ever imagined.

Tom flipped the last pancake on the griddle - apparently Louis had perfect timing with these things - before pulling Louis away from Lottie. He gave him a soft kiss, before hugging him the way he wasn't able to at 6 am. There was something so special about that first hug from his waiting husband when he got home from being away. Thomas was so warm and inviting, and if home was a place, he was it. Louis smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his neck, before pulling away. “Have I ever told you how wonderful you are? Making brekkie not just for me, but for all my siblings? You sure know the way to my heart.” He said and grinned, lacing their fingers together. His baby siblings were making gross noises about their affection, but they can be damned. This was the person Louis loved most in the entire world, for fuck’s sake. He’ll show all the PDA he wants to.

Tom beamed. “It’s the least I can do when you’re back in town. And you know I love these losers just as much as you do.” Which started the ritualistic argument between the eight of them - who loved who more, who was whose favorite, et cetera. His quiet house had become loud and noisy, clattering of silverware and glasses chiming through, the smell of maple and blueberries wafting through the air, and his sweet husband next to him. He couldn’t think of anything better.

✭✭✭

Louis had just stepped out of the shower for the second time that day, Thomas hot on his tail. They’d just finished re-christening every surface in their formal living room, and he had an amazing ache in his thighs that could only come from time well spent with his husband. He wrapped a towel around his waist and went to grab his toothbrush when Thomas asked him.

“So.. Have you heard from Harry?”

It was like he was walking on eggshells, trying not to break this delicate sheet of glass that was between them. There were few things they didn’t just tell each other about - they were known for their honesty and trust in each other. They were best friends.

“I - um. Actually, not in a while.” He admitted. “Have you?”

Thomas sighed and dried his hair with his towel. “He dropped by the other day, actually a few weeks ago. Was looking for you though, so he had a spot of tea and was on his way.”

They were both quiet as Louis dried his own hair, before tossing his towel in the bin. “Oh. Okay.” He said, feeling a little more naked than he usually did around his husband. He grabbed his clean boxers and pulled them on. “He asked about me, this time?” Louis asked, softly. He reached for his toothbrush, digging around in his drawer until he found it.

Thomas gave him a soft smile, rubbing his back between his shoulders. “He did.”

✭

A quick brush of his teeth and a dress, and he was heading back downstairs. Neither said anything about Harry, they didn’t need to. For once, Louis was ready and downstairs first. Phone in hand, he walked out, to find Niall sitting at his breakfast nook, laptop out.

“Oi, Nialler,” He said, opening his fridge to grab something to drink. “Don’t you have anything better to do on our first day back in London?”

Niall shrugged a bit, not looking up much from his computer. “I mean - being your assistant is a full-time job.” He reminded but shrugged. “I know you’re normally busier when we’re abroad, but my busy time is here, at home. Tying up your loose ends and all.” He explained. “By the way, you have a grooming appointment for Archie at 12:45 tomorrow, and lunch with One Direction at 1.”

Louis relaxed onto the couch, nodding. “Archie at 12:45, lunch - 1D? What?” He sat up a little bit. “Um. I don’t exactly remember agreeing to that?”

Niall held his hands up in defense. “Hey. It’s in the contract. Wasn't my fault.”

When Thomas walked down, he waved to Niall but frowned when he saw Louis angrily flipping through some paperwork. “S’that..?”

“One Direction contract.” He said and sighed, tossing it on the table, back to Niall. “Bullocks. How is that band still wrecking my life after all these years?”

Thomas gave an amused chuckle, because Louis was so dramatic. “I guess you’ll be seeing Harry after all.”

✭✭✭

“Thank you, thank you,” Harry said, licking his lips a bit in an attempt to hide his smile. He gave one last wave before sitting down across from Ellen Degeneres. He smiled as she shook his hand and he winked, kissing her knuckles, before letting go of her hand.

“Wow. Such a charmer you are! You know, if I wasn't -” She said, gesturing to herself. “And if you weren’t…” She gestured to Harry. “Then we could..?”

The crowd laughed along with Harry. “Have a baby?” He asked, laughing even harder at Ellen’s reaction. “If only we weren’t gay. Shame.”

“Very gay. Missed opportunity.” Ellen laughed. “Now Harry, you are one of the most popular pop stars on the entire planet.” She started, to which Harry just gave a meager shrug. “Well, it’s true. You’re loved by everyone in Hollywood and you know how to keep your personal life private, which is something most people haven't quite figured out. You’ve been on tour for the better part of the last two years, singing your fans to sleep with your melodic tunes from your self titled album, _Harry Styles_ , and your sophomore debut, _fingers crossed x._ Everyone is dying to know. What is that x? Is it a silent x?”

He bit back a laugh, shaking his head. “No, no. Well, kind of?” He tilted his head, laughing. “Kinda hard to explain.”

“Always elusive,” Ellen said, laughing.

Harry shrugged and smiled. “I don’t know if I’ve actually told anyone this before, but here it goes. The album name came from a text I sent someone. And the x is - it’s like - it’s how we say like, “kisses”. I dunno. It’s a British thing.” He threw his hands up and laughed.

“Speaking of British things, everyone wants to know what on earth is going on with One Direction. You and Louis are doing amazingly well as solo artists. But everyone does seem to miss the amazing chemistry you had as a two-piece. Are there any plans for that reunion we keep hearing rumors about?”

Harry just smiled and shrugged. Interviewers weren’t supposed to mention One Direction or Louis, but Ellen was probably the only person that could get away with it. “I’d love to work with Louis again. He’s something of a lyrical genius. Just need to figure out the timing of it all.”

“Well folks, you heard it here first,” Ellen laughed. “Harry Styles likes to kiss people through text message, and a 1D reunion could be happening sooner than later. Without further delay, here’s Harry singing his latest single and one of my favorite songs on the radio, _Coming, Going, Gone_.”

✭✭✭

“Alright, everyone. Welcome to Radio 1 Breakfast show, I’m Grimmy, and today we have with us a legend of the music industry. The man whose broken the hearts of every person in this office, the man with the best bum I’ve ever seen, and one-half of the most famous two-piece to come out of London since forever. Fresh back from the Asian leg of his tour, here he is, Louis Avery, but he’s better known by his maiden, Tomlinson!”

Louis smiled a bit sipping his coffee, before answering. “Ello, ello.. Nice to see you again, Grim, it’s been too long!”

Nick laughed. “Well, that’s because you’re off doing popstar things, eating at posh restaurants, and spending time with that dashing husband of yours. How’s he doing, by the way?”

“Doing brilliantly. He’s actually listening in now - so, Thomas, love you, babe.” He said and made an obnoxious kissy noise in the microphone.

Nick shook his head. “Okay. Enough of that. Save that for the bedroom, ya filthy rascal. Let’s get down to business! You’ve just touched down in London after almost a month through Asia and you’re soon heading off again to wrap up the tour in New Zealand. Busy boy this year, you’ve been. Your somewhat-self-titled album, _Tommo_ , has just been certified multi-platinum, and your following album _DEUCES_ has stayed near the top of the charts since the day it dropped when you revealed that you’d changed your surname to that of the lovely Thomas. Aww.”

There was some applause in the room, and Louis couldn’t help but laugh. “Definitely didn’t realize what pot I was stirring by doing that,” He laughed. “But I think Louis Avery has a nice ring to it, eh?”

A few people agreed, and Nick finally broke the chatter. “Alright. I know it’s early still, but the bumble on Twitter and Tumblr is all about One Direction. I’ll let you watch this clip of our dear Harold Styles on Ellen yesterday, in Los Angeles.”

Louis turned to view the clip on the laptop, not really sure where Grimshaw was going with this, but he didn’t have a good feeling about it. He watched the short clip, where Ellen mentions him, and just kept smiling. God only knows how many cameras are in this room, and Louis never wanted to look bad because of a face he’d make (not since his early days, he's matured from that).

“So, Louis, it sounds like the ball is in your court since Styles says he’s looking forward to working with you again. We all know you’re the busy one, what with the flying and the traveling, and the husband. Have you sorted out a time to squeeze your best mate in?”

Louis nodded and bit his lip. “Ironic, actually. Harry and I, along with the lovely Simon and some other executives, are grabbing some tea today to see where things could go. So, Harry, mate, you won’t have to wait too long.”

“Alrighty guys, between here and Ellen, you heard it first. 1D isn’t too far away! Let’s throw it back to the lovey-dovey days of 1D with the song that raged through Twitter - _No Control!!”_

Louis took off his headphones as they went off-air while the song played, reaching for his phone to check it. He had a few sweet texts from Thomas, thanking him for the shout out, and another giving a thumbs up in regards to the upcoming lunch with Harry. Christ, he was so lucky to have someone like Tom. Understanding, sweet, and supportive. He sent a quick text back before giving a soft smile to Nick. “So, how’s it been? How’s Pig?”

Nick gave a small smile - nothing like the fake smiles he’d been flashing Louis during the taped interview. “Good. She’s just had a birthday, so good.”

It was quiet then. It was hard to sit here and be interviewed by one of Harry’s best friends, one of the few people who knew what had happened between them. The full story, not what the media knew. He was as biased as Thomas was, and that made for an uncomfortable setting. “So,” Nick started. “Are you going to be truly considering anything at this lunch? Or is it just gonna be some more bullshit where you shoot down his every request?”

He and Nick used to be friends, he remembers in moments like these, because Louis can relate to his insane passion when it comes to protecting his friends. Harry was one of Nick’s closest friends, and he was protective of Harry and his heart. He gave a soft sigh. “These decisions aren’t up to me. You know that. Harry and I made great music together and I always said we’d go back to that, but only if it’s good for us both.”

Nick raised a brow. “You mean -”

Louis sighed, tired of this conversation already. “I mean, I’m not going to disrespect my husband. That’s what I mean.”

Nick nodded and was silent until the red light went back on. “That was _No Control_ by our favorite, One Direction. I’m Grimmy, and here I have the lovely Louis Avery with me, and we’re counting down the top 25 of the week! Let’s start with number 25….”

✭✭✭

It had been a long drive home in London traffic, a quick kip and make out with Thomas, and Louis was up and getting dressed again. He pulled out a few options and sighed, laying them on the bed. “You know..” he drawled, looking back at Thomas, naked aside from the sheer bed pulled over himself. “You’re making it very hard to want to go to this stupid fucking lunch. It’d be so much nicer to lay here with you, to-“

Thomas sighed and rolled his eyes. “My very own drama queen.” He said as he stood, pulling on a pair of Louis’ boxers that had been discarded on the ground. “As much as I’d love that, you’re contractually obligated to go. And you just announced on Radio 1 that you’d be there.”

Louis dropped the shirt in his hands on the bed, shaking his head. “Why do you have to make so much sense and be so understanding?” He asked.

Tom crawled across the bed on his knees, avoiding the pile of Louis’ clothes. “Hey, c’mon,” he said, kissing him slowly, sweetly. “I know this isn’t how you pictured it being, between you and H. Hell, it’s not ideal.” He said, and Louis couldn’t help but nod. “But I know you. And I know you want this. Whatever it is with Harry, you two make amazing music together. And getting back together was always the plan. So go and talk. See how it feels. And if you feel like it’s the right time, go for it. You know I love you so much, boo."

“T,” he said, choked up as he hugged him. “Why are you so good to me? You should be fucking pissed. You should hate him; fuck, you should hate _me_ !” He said and sighed, trying to calm down. Unfortunately, he hadn’t penciled in _crying over harry styles_ on his calendar today.

Tom kissed his forehead sweetly. “Couldn’t hate you if I tried. Lou, I’ve loved you since the day I met you. We all know what those dimples can do.” He said lightly, smiling. “Now c'mon. Let me dress you for your lunch, we can’t have you wearing another Adidas tracksuit.”

“Fine, fine.” Louis wiped the few tears away as Thomas began to sift through his own wardrobe for Louis. How typical. “So… since I’m going, do I get a surprise when I come back?” He asked hopefully, lip bitten and blue eyes looking at Thomas like a river to a thirsty man.

Thomas bit his own lip, eyeing Louis up and down. “I’m sure I can arrange something… surprising.”

✭

Louis was, predictably, the last to arrive at The Ledbury, one of the best, most posh, lunch spots in all of London. Niall and Liam were outside, waiting for him, as he handed his keys to the valet.

“Next time, Niall, make sure he’s here _on time_. Cowell is looking at me like I have two heads!” Liam angry-whispered at Niall, who didn’t seem to be taking it.

“Fucking offered to pick him up meself or arrange a car for him, but no. This isn’t my fault, Payne. So go bust a nut somewhere else.” He said, before turning to walk inside and escort them back to the table.

“Liam, Niall. So nice to see you lot as well.” Louis drawled. So _this_ was how the meeting was going to start.

Liam didn’t seem amused. “At least Thomas had the sense to help you dress, I know you couldn’t have chosen that yourself.” He said and ushered Louis inside, taking the rear behind him.

Louis wasn’t in a great mood, but his pep talk with Thomas sure made him feel better. Like there was nothing wrong with exploring this opportunity in earnest. As they walked through the narrow corridors of the swanky restaurant, he gave himself a few seconds to breathe. He had a persona to upkeep. It was his job to light up a room, charm the pants off of people, get people to remember him. Initially, he’d figured that the persona would fade and become more like himself, but that hadn’t been the case. Even in this room full of people he’d known for years, he had expectations of how he was going to act. His part to play was clear.

They walked into the room and Louis exploded into character, greeting every member of the Sony Music executive board by name, with a personal detail. Mike, whose daughter just got married. Jim and Heather, who had just finished signing papers on a new estate. Etcetera. And last but not least, Harry Styles. His ex-boyfriend, who had broken his heart into tiny pieces, before rebounding with Louis’ current husband. It wasn’t weird at all.

“Hazza!” He said finally, giving him a hug before taking the seat they’d left open next to him. Typical. He’d have to bark at Liam for that one. “Nice seeing ya, mate! How’s Anne doing after her cruise?” He asked.

Harry’s green eyes were bright, and he smiled. He ran a hand through his short hair, just positively beaming. “She’s doing wonderful. Had a great time in Cabo with her girls and whatnot.” He explained. “I think her and Lotts are planning something. Fiji in March, with Gemma and the twins? I’ll have to double check.” He said. “Thanks for asking, Lou. Hope you’re doing wonderfully.”

Louis felt the familiar pang in his chest as someone brought up his mum. He’d been really busy, so busy his mum hadn’t even come across his mind quite like he used to. “Thanks, H.” He said simply, softly, before looking down at the menu. All for show, of course. Because Liam usually ordered for him so that it sped up these kinds of meetings, and Louis didn’t mind one ounce. The label heads began to chatter, and this was usually the part Harry and Louis drowned out. It was stockholder information and sales reports, and this is why Louis was habitually late to these things. Some appetizers were brought out, and Louis took a few bites of some spinach dip, before resorting to his phone. His GroupMe was going off, messages from everyone.

  nialler: don’t eat the spin dip they put snails in it !!

  nialler: too late ya snail killer

Louis held back the urge to vomit, drinking half his glass of water at once, before responding with a middle finger emoji.

  lpaynetrain: Lou pls just b gd during this meetin k? hear em out we could use sumthin strong goin into noms szn love u

Louis was.. pretty sure he understood half of that. So he left it open. Then he could claim it got lost in translation if he misinterpreted it.

  hazza: I fuckin hate these meetings

  hazza: wanna grab a drink after this?

Louis couldn’t help but snort. This should be interesting.

  tommo: why do ya need a drink mate??  it’s only half noon eh?

  hazza: thought it’d be fun. Like old times.

  hazza: could invite Tom if ya want

  tommo: you’d like that wouldn’t you

  hazza: ?? I mean I know you’ve been busy and out of town ??

  tommo: what’s ur end game here mate?

  hazza: what fucking end game ?? just mates grabbing a pint ??

  tommo: hahaha. Classic. Just mates grabbin a pint. Get a proper job u dick.

Right as the room got awfully quiet, he got a message from Niall.

  nialler: cowbells askin about ur album. name change.

And this is why he paid Niall the big bucks. “I think it’s funny how much of a controversy that’s caused. I mean, isn’t it natural for someone to change their name when they get married?” He asked, fingers playing with his wedding ring as he shrugged. “I mean, we didn’t think we were gay enough to hyphenate,” he joked, smirking as the room barked a laugh. “And Thomas Tomlinson didn’t have the same ring. I happen to like Louis Avery. Much less to sign on all the paperwork.”

Harry scoffed beside him. “You act like you actually sign things, instead of just putting “Louis” and some stupid little smiley face by it.”

Louis decided to take it in stride. “Catchier than “all the love”, innit?”, a sickeningly sweet smile accompanying it.

Luckily, Liam decided to jump in. “I mean, really, it’s what we were going for. With Decues, we were looking for a new sound and feel. It was marketed to be different and announcing the name change with it felt right, and it’s been on the top 100 album list since its debut because of that.” He explained. “Decues has a decidedly different feel than Tommo, or anything from One Direction. And Louis is in a new stage of life, it all ties together.”

Jeff, Harry’s longtime manager, nodded. “We thought the album and the release were brilliant.” He said. “Though, I hate to disagree. Seasons of life change, and Louis is making amazing music. Doing brilliantly. But I think that, along with Harry, we could drive the numbers that neither of the boys nor the label have seen since the hiatus.”

Liam scoffed a bit. “Louis’ numbers are actually looking great, though. Seems like staying honest and transparent is doing something right for him.” Jeff went to respond but it appeared that in their short banter, he’d already pushed Liam’s buttons. “Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Harry’s numbers have dropped significantly with fingers crossed, and so have the label’s. If we’re being honest, this deal isn’t for _us_ , it’s for you lot. So, how would this benefit us, if at all?”

Louis barked out a laugh, clapping wildly in his chair. “Oi! Payno, that’s my boy! Waiter, a round of scotch on the rocks for Payno, Nialler, and meself.” He said and clapped his hands finally. “Now, mates. Let’s not be too rough on Harold here, though.” He said, clapping him on the back. “The music’s been sick, mate, really. It’s not your fault that Azoff wouldn’t know a good marketing opportunity if it hit him in the face.” He said, shrugging with a sweet smile.

Harry sighed, rubbing at his temples slowly. “Louis…”

“No, no. Really. Gotta admit the problem before we can fix it, eh?” He asked, and grinned. Jeff’s look could kill. “So let’s talk about it. Because my solo career is doing _amazing_ and yours is doing okay. Help me help you, Harry. What’s in this for my team?”

The room was quiet for a few minutes, save the GroupMe notifications from Louis’ phone and the server coming in to drop off their alcohol. A glance at his phone and Louis smirked, they were all from Niall and Liam, praising him for his sass. He let them sit there, however, as he locked eyes with Simon Cowell, who was directly across the table from him. He’d been close with Simon for almost a decade now since he’d paired himself and Harry together on X Factor. Simon had taken a liking to Louis, a bit more than Harry. Took him under his wings, showed him all about the studio, the behind the scenes. In a way, Simon saw Harry as a pretty face and Louis as a career musician. With Simon’s help, Louis had made a name for himself, both as a writer and as a producer. It had been politically smart for Louis, because he was never short an offer to write, produce, or be featured on a song. Harry, however, wasn't seeing the same fate. And it wasn't like Simon didn’t care for Harry; it just seemed that Louis and he had clicked in a unique way. But looking in his eyes, Louis could tell that Simon had an idea. A plan, rather. And like it or not, he’d be going along with it.

“Louis,” he started, slowly, stroking the hair on his chin as he thoughtfully spoke. “You know I love you, as an artist and as a friend. I think you’ve had somewhat of a record few years. And I think you’ve smashed it as a solo artist. But we’re talking about long-term longevity here. Your fans ask you daily about Hazza, and him, you. Because that’s what they bought into - _both_ of you. As a two piece. So yes. You’re doing bloody brilliant. And I could see you sticking around as a producer and a musician. But if you want to stick around as an artist, Styles is your key. He’s got the charisma and the grace that you lack. He’s effortless in things that would take you years to master. So yes, son. You’re wonderful and talented. But unless you want to fade into the background of the indie music scene for a few years, and reappear with a banger every 5 or 10 years like Farrell, Harry’s your ticket. I’ll give it to Liam, he’s made the right money moves and pushed and pulled in all the right places. But without another major life change, I don’t think the numbers are going to roll in - long-term - like they are now. Wish it wasn't the truth, but it is. You know I’m gonna tell you even when it hurts.” He said, crossing his arms and leaning back. “So, we’re here to offer you both a deal, and I’m hoping you’re at least in the mood to consider it,” Simon explained, looking between Louis and Harry. “And if either of you aren’t listening with your minds and hearts open, leave the fucking table, because I won’t waste my time.”

Louis sighed and rubbed his face, trying to think of the words to say.

“I assure you, Simon,” Liam said. “We wouldn’t have stepped foot in here if we weren’t prepared to accept the right offer. But it has to be just that, the _right_ offer. We aren’t in a position where we’re sinking and we need help. But I know that you know your shit, Cowell, and I believe you. But I also know that the right offer will come from someone, even if it’s not you and Harry’s team. Because we have higher standards of artistic integrity and truthful advertising.”

“Are you saying that those are things we don’t value? Because Harry is respected as one of the most honest and private artists out there.” Jeff defended, making Harry sigh.

Liam sighed also. “What I’m saying, Jeff, is that any agreement we come to will not be at the expense of Louis and Thomas’ marriage. We won’t capitalize off of Larry, or the fact that they used to date. Fuck it. The whole planet knows they’ve both moved on, past the _Twin Flames_ days. So we can start by agreeing to scrap it all.”

“It all?” It was Harry speaking this time, brows raised, scooting forward in his chair. “ _Twin Flames_ was some of the best work either of us has done, period. I understand where we’re coming from, with honesty, but-”

“But I can’t keep singing the love songs I wrote about you, with you, onstage. It’s a hard limit if we’re going to go anywhere with this negotiation.” Louis finally said. Because apparently, this had to come from him. “Harry, you knew I was going to say this. We experienced mutual highs and lows and created some fucking _sick_ music together. But the absolute bottom line of it all is that I wrote those songs for a boy I was desperately in love with. And ultimately, we fell out of love, and you broke my heart. And I can forget that, but I can’t look in your eyes and sing those songs like my heart didn’t take years to mend. It isn’t truthful. And because I respect my husband too fucking much to make him watch that every single night, the fans be damned.” Louis said, his eyes meeting Harry’s, for the first time in a long time.

It all kept coming back, the shared glances, embraces, and the whispered declarations of affection. They were both so, so young. And reckless. And they’d hurt themselves and each other so much, but anyone could tell you that out of them both, Louis was the one who’d had his heart broken. He rubbed his face, breaking the eye contact because even after all these years, it was starting to feel like too much all over again. Something that was once sacred.

Simon watched them. “Here’s what I’ve decided. We, at Sony, want you, boys. But not at the expense of your souls, not again. So, Louis. I’ve spoken to Thomas. We want you and Harry to see if this is even a possibility. Spend some time together, try and write some music. Because if there’s absolutely no chemistry, no friendship between you, there’s nothing to sell anyways.”

Louis felt his blood boiling. “You’ve spoken to my husband about this? As if I couldn’t do that myself?” He asked, brows raising.

Simon held his hands out in innocence. “He’s said the same, but I have to do my meddling when I feel it’s necessary. So, I’ve arranged for you two and Harry to take a trip out to my house in Barbados. Get to know each other again. See how things feel with your new life. And if you think you can do this? Well, if you sign a deal, I can promise you’ll die a legend. Both of you.”

With a promise like that? Who was Louis to refuse without trying?

Simon seemed to know before even having to ask, and Harry was nodding beside him. “Good. You leave tomorrow. Liam and Niall have already been working on moving you appearances, and Harold, I believe Jeff had your schedule cleared already once I’d approached him about this.” He said and clapped his hands together, stopping whatever protest Louis was trying to make. “Louis, really. It’s a week and a half. What on earth could possibly go wrong?”

Harry raised his brows, unable to hide his smirk. “Have you fucking met us? We can ruin just about anything.”


	2. one - what keeps you up at night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S O N G:
> 
> what keeps you up at night - dan and shay
> 
> please know i do not own the rights to that song !! but it's amazing so go listen to it :)

It’d been a quiet trip, thus far.

Louis wasn't proud to admit it, but there had been some bickering in the Avery household over the last few days. He and Thomas rarely fought (which was a miracle in itself, because, have you met Louis? He could argue about anything, and Thomas was so soft-spoken and sweet…) but this was to a whole new level. Because Louis felt betrayed that Thomas would have input on his career and not tell him. He was upset that he’d seen Harry for the first time in months and felt so confused about it. And Thomas seemed hurt that Louis was hurt. And if Louis was being honest with himself, he was the cause of the fight. Because Thomas was trying to be understanding and sweet, but Louis just didn’t understand how he could feel that way; how he couldn’t seem to be bothered by it.

They’d settled the matter, of course, but it was as if they needed to be gentle around each other lately. They’d both said things that had hurt each other, and have since forgiven each other, but it was always a bit odd after a fight. Just in that, they were both more tender than usual, more cautious around each other, gentler. Tom slept against Louis’ chest the entire flight, and they stayed quiet during the drive to Simon’s house, but their hands were held tight together. Harry had gotten in the day prior, because Tom had a few things to tie up before they were set to leave town. Thomas parked the car in the driveway, looking over at Louis before even moving to take off his seatbelt.

“So. What’s on your mind?” He asked, and Louis sighed softly.

He rubbed his face with the sleeve of his hoodie (which, he should’ve worn something else; he didn’t fully realize they were going to the Caribbean) before shrugging. “I’m wondering how this is going to go. Obviously, I want this to go well because Cowell seems to think it’s a brilliant career move. And he made me, y’know?” Tom seemed to understand that. “But I mean… I haven’t been in the same room as Harry for more than 2 hours since he ended things between us. And, I love you. So fucking much.” He said honestly. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here. I couldn’t do with without you, T.” He said softly.

Thomas smiled, squeezing his hand softly. “We’ve gotta do what’s best for you, boo. We can handle Harry. And I love you too. For forever.” He said and leaned in for a kiss. His lips lingered afterward, before pulling away a few seconds later.

Louis’ smile was a little bit brighter. “Alright. The sooner we go in there, the sooner we can leave.”

✭✭✭

When Harry got back from his midday beach yoga session and realized that Louis and Tom have arrived, he immediately set off to make some tea. Sure, this wasn’t his house and they were  _ all  _ guests, but his mum had always taught him to be a good host. And who was he to let her down? It was systematic: three mugs and saucers, three spoons, a bowl of sugar and a pitcher of cream, and a fresh kettle of tea. Napkins and biscuits laid out perfectly. If he said so himself, it looked beautifully laid out, and he was sure that at least  _ Thomas _ would appreciate it. He gave his hands a quick wash in the sink, drying them on a towel before starting up the staircase to find them. He’d taken the northern-most room for himself (it had the most neutral vibes for his meditation) and he was sure Louis and Tom weren’t picky. 

He saw a door (second door on the right, to be specific) was closed, and he found himself going over and knocking softly. He didn’t want to disturb if they were sleeping or something. There was no answer, however, so he decided to peek in, just in case. Simon did have a housekeeper, so maybe this wasn’t their room, and she had closed the door. He let his fingers wrap around the doorknob, turning and pushing gently. 

Soft moans could be heard floating through the air, and everything inside him was telling Harry to just turn around and walk away..

But he was only a man. And he couldn’t help but take a peek since he was already there... Thomas’ back was facing him, and it’d been so long since he’d had a chance to admire it. Thomas was tall and tan, lean and muscular. His back was toned and gorgeous, arching gently as the moans tumbled out of his mouth. Jesus, Harry had forgotten how gorgeous Tom was, his ass shapely and just as tan as the rest of his body. And below him, on his knees, was Louis. Hard as the morning, as far as Harry could see, working his mouth on Tom’s cock like he was born to do it. And fuck, this was  _ so wrong _ , but it was so hard for Harry to pull his eyes away. He managed though, hands shaking as he pulled the door shut behind him. He closed his eyes, letting his head rest against the door, sighing. 

Apparently, it had been louder than anticipated though, because he heard some commotion within the room. He stayed perfectly still though, hoping that maybe they’d forget about it.

“The fuck was that?”

And Harry could tell that was Louis’ voice since there was no deep accent that laced through Tom’s voice. He sounded so  _ wrecked,  _ and Harry had to bite his lip a bit harder. 

“Nothing, m’sure. C’mon, so close, baby.”

And that was Thomas, undeniably. 

“No, no. Was something,” Louis said, and Harry heard Tom groan, before hearing footsteps.

Fuck. Harry stood up quickly, trying to figure the best way to pull this off. He tripped over his legs though, since they were just too fucking long, and was flat on his face when he saw Louis peek out the door.

“Harry…” He said, brows raised. “What are you doing?”

“Good question,” Harry started, pressing up off the ground, slowly standing up, because,  _ fuck _ , that sort of hurt. “I was going to see if there were any other sheet sets in the closets, so I could have a spare. OCD and whatnot,” He explained, moving his hands. “But yeah. I didn’t find any and then I tripped and fell. And that must’ve been the noise you heard!” He grinned. That was a close one.

Louis’ brow raised. “How did you know I heard a noise?”

Maybe not as smooth as he’d hoped. “Uh, well, it made a pretty loud  _ thud _ when I fell. Soooo.” It was quiet for a moment, but Louis seemed to accept it. “So sorry. Though, I did make some tea, if you guys are interested..?”

“Louis William Avery, don’t you even -” He could hear Thomas groaning in the background.

Louis smirked. “We’d love a good cuppa. Be down in a mo.” He said, before closing the door. 

✭

“Harry was  _ not  _ in here, you lunatic.” Thomas sighed, pulling on a pair of board shorts and a t-shirt. “Your mind is just going crazy. You know how fucking clumsy he is.” He explained, glancing at him. “And for the record, tea with Harry Styles is  _ never _ a good reason to stop mid-blow.” He pouted.

Louis was beaming, straightening his shirt before pressing a kiss to Tom’s lips. “Harry Styles wasn't my reason. My reason was keeping you on your toes.” He said with a smirk. “C’mon. Let’s get through this tea and then go to the beach. If you’re good, I’ll even let you rub sunscreen on my back.” 

Tom took Louis’ hand and pulled him toward the door. “You’ve got my attention….”

✭

Louis sipped at his empty cup, looking between Tom and Harry. Both of whom seemed to be looking at him. Convenient. He stirred his spoon around, just generally trying to look busy. They’d only been sat for 5 minutes, and they had already run out of casual small talk. About the flight (long), the weather (hot), their plans (the beach), and Simon’s home (lovely). And so now, they sat.

“Pretty sure your cups been empty for quite a while..” Harry mentioned, pointing to Louis’ stirring when he cocked his head. 

“Oh, my,” Louis feigned surprise. “I didn’t even notice - this tea was so delicious.” He said. 

Tom smirked beside him, setting down his empty cup as well. “So delicious.” He said, a bit more honestly than Louis. “Thank you for the tea, Harry. It was so thoughtful of you.” He smiled. “I think Louis and I are going to head to the beach, though. So I guess we’ll see you tonight?”

Harry pouted a little, and Louis tried not to feel bad about it. “Aw. Okay..” He said. “Have fun.”

“We will,” Tom said, glancing at Louis with a fond smile. “We’ll be back in a few hours, okay?” He assured. “And maybe, we can make that garlic chicken that you love for supper.”

That seemed to appease him. “Sounds lovely. I’ll make sure we have all the ingredients.”

With that, Louis pulled Tom outside, walking across Simon’s estate and onto the beach. “You are such a softie.” Louis finally said, laughing softly. “Who knew, after all these years, that Harry was still wrapped around your fingertips?”

Tom rolled his eyes. “Oh, hush. You know he’s not the only one.” He said and smiled, squeezing Louis’ hand softly. “And come on, he looked crushed that we didn’t invite him.” He deadpanned. “And that chicken is amazing. Don’t lie. It was a win-win situation. And are you kidding? You didn’t even have the balls to tell him that we were going to the beach without him. You should’ve seen your face. If it was up to you, we’d still be sat there.”

“We would  _ not _ ,” Louis disagreed. “I simply didn’t want to let him down so soon into our trip. And I wanted some alone time with you.”

“Alone time with me?” He couldn’t help but snort. “We live together, and we spent an entire 12-hour flight together. You just didn’t want to see his hurt puppy expression.”

“I’ll give you that,” he smiled. “Only if you promise to give me a massage soon. I didn’t get a chance to see my chiropractor before that long ass flight.” 

“My poor princess,” he said, kissing Louis’ cheek. “I’ll get you all sorted out.” He promised.

They finally found the coast, along with some beach chairs and an umbrella. Within a few minutes, they were both shirtless and lounging, sunglasses on their faces and a beer each in their hands. 

“You know,” Tom mumbled, eyes closed. “I don’t think we’ve been somewhere alone that was this quiet since our honeymoon.”

Louis smiled a bit brighter. “I think you’re right. It was so fucking amazing.” He sighed happily. “A private island. You, me, some beers, and the waves. No cameras or screaming fans.”

“No recording studios or sound stages,” Tom added, smiling. He reached for Louis’ hand, admiring his wedding band. “You know, Lou..” He said, sitting up and turning to look at him. “I’ve done some amazing things in my life. Been in more movies than I could count, made more than a few million, been to some of the most amazing places…” he trailed, licking his lips. “But by far, out of all my greatest achievements, you are the greatest. Marrying you is everything I could have ever dreamed of.”

Louis laughed, only to hide his blush. “Thomas, you are so brilliant. Sexy, smart, and sweet. I didn’t think I’d ever find love after, you know.. What he did to me. I never thought I’d find someone who understood my complicated parts…” He found himself getting choked up, fuck Tom and his sweetness, “who’d understand them and choose to love me anyway. You are everything I could ever dream of. And I can’t wait to live this life with you, and have  _ babies _ with you... You have my whole heart, T. I love you with everything inside me.”

✭✭✭

They came in a few hours later a shade tanner, and the ends of their hair still wet. Harry had been on the deck reading some sort of novel when they had come up. They’d been flirtatiously whispering about saving water and showering together, but they weren’t going to subject Harry to that. They quickly showered together, before stumbling downstairs, clad in a fresh pair of swim shorts each. Louis couldn’t help but giggle as Tom stumbled down the stairs a little, pressing him against the wall to kiss him swiftly.

He only pulled away when he heard Harry clear his throat. He smiled and gave Tom a final peck on the lips, before pulling away in full. “Glad Cowell had half a mind to stock this place with beer,” He said, grabbing one for himself and Thomas. “Harry?”

Harry nodded, smiling a little. “Sure.” He’d been working on chopping up garlic and herbs for their supper, and the kitchen was already smelling amazing. 

“Good lad,” Louis said, popping the top on all three before distributing them and taking a sip of his own. 

Tom sipped at his beer as well, walking over towards Harry. “So, how are we looking?”

Harry shrugged a bit, moving the chopped garlic into a small bowl. “Good, so far. Louis, will you check what kinds of vegetables we have in the fridge, pull some out? And T, will you start some rice in that saucepan?”

Tom nodded and gave a soft smile, grabbing the saucepan and going to start the rice. Louis pulled some peppers and zucchini out of the refrigerator, looking at Harry with uncertainty. 

“Should do fine, julienne them, please?” Harry asked. Louis scoffed, and Tom had a similar expression. “What’ so funny, then?” Harry asked, brow raised.

“We don’t give Louis knives if we can avoid it,” Tom explained slowly.

“I don’t fucking cook..” Louis said at the same time. “Don’t you even remember?”

Harry sighed, looking up from the raw chicken that he’d taken out of the package. “It’s been quite a while,” he said, by means of explaining. “I’m sorry. Tom? I do remember that  _ you _ are quite brilliant in the kitchen. Will you be my sous chef?”

If Louis’ eyes weren’t deceiving himself, there was a bit of a blush on Tom’s cheek as he nodded, looking for a cutting board and a chef’s knife. They sat in relative silence as Harry began to marinate the chicken, Tom chopped veggies, and Louis sat on the counter, watching them both carefully. They were both skillful as they chopped, Harry’s eyes drifting from his chopping board to Tom’s. Tom seemed shy under his gaze. Louis could tell he knew Harry was watching because he was much faster at home. More confident, even. But Tom was a perfectionist by nature. Usually, he’d relax his standards for cooking at home, but Harry was here. A special guest who he could either impress or disappoint. 

“I knew it. I remembered correctly, didn’t I?” Harry asked, a smirk on his lips. “You were good in the kitchen very talented. Good with your hands… And whatnot.”

Tom just shook his head. “Should I get to sauteing these, then?” He asked, glancing at Harry.

Harry nodded, setting the marinated chicken on a plate, before moving to wash his hands. “Mhm,” He said, and Louis couldn’t help but watch the way he soaped up his hands, rubbing them together.. Massaging them… “I know you like it hot.” He mumbled, before looking up at Louis directly. “Spicy, doesn’t he?”

Louis’ mouth went a bit dry, so he just nodded a bit. “I, uh. Need a ciggy... I’ll be outside.”

✭✭✭

“Let me leave my shape in your bed, let me leave a little song in your head, make you dance in the dark like you’re still in my arms..” 

And well, that wasn't what Louis expected to find Harry singing when he walked out here. It was a bonus track called  _what keeps you up at night_  on his second album, one of his proudest works, but it wasn't one of the most popular. Since it had gotten a bit dark outside, he’d come outside to see if Harry wanted to come light up with himself and Tom, but suddenly, he couldn’t remember why he was out here.

“Boy, I wanna be what keeps you up at night,” Harry continued, looking Louis right in the eyes. “Tossing and turning, head spinning, like you’re dizzy off of red wine..” He kept singing, licking his lips during the pauses. “So when you’re wide awake…”

“And I’m the only thing on your brain,” Louis found himself continuing, voice a little shaky.

“Just call, and I’ll be there to fall right in your sheets..” Harry finished, eyes locked on Louis', strumming a few times more, before setting the guitar down. “Sorry, that’s just such a good song,” He admitted. “So soulful. Wasn't what I expected from you.”

And Louis was frozen, just kinda shrugged at him. Because it was off of  _ deuces _ , the album was written all about everything Thomas - yet this one track, sexy and sultry as it was, didn’t manage to make it onto the main tracklist for that exact reason. He’d written it years ago, remembers it like it was yesterday, watching a drunk Harry sleep in a hotel room somewhere in Milan. Remembers how red his lips looked after half a bottle of wine. Remembers how it was so hot, it’d been refused for their album before he’d even had a chance to show it to Harry. Because the majority of their fans were still 14, and it had half the label heads blushing. He probably thought it was about Thomas, he realized. If only he knew. 

It’d caused a fight between him and Thomas, actually. Because artists reconsider songs they’d written for old albums all the time. It had been one of his favorites for a long time, and he had creative freedom (aka, freedom to get a little  _ sexy  _ with it) that he hadn’t had before. But Thomas didn’t drink red wine. And somehow, he just seemed to be able to tell. He was mad Louis hadn’t shown him the song earlier. Was hurt when he found out exactly how many songs about Harry he’d written. Was sad that it felt like there was a rift between them. But Louis reassured him with the truth - it was a song he’d written about Harry, yes.. But it was a song he’d always loved because of how different it was. It showed a side of his writing he’d never gotten to show before. Sexy and soft and slow. And they’d kissed and made up, and it was rare he’d even think of the song, aside from the handful of times he’d performed it. 

“Louis?” Harry asked, waving a hand. “You there?”

He nodded quickly. “Sorry.” What was he apologizing for? “I haven’t heard that song in forever.” He said, by way of explanation.

Harry seemed to accept it and smiled. “Oh, are we smoking tonight?” He asked, looking at the ziplock in Louis’ hand. His eyes were a bit brighter than they had been. “Perfect. I brought the most  _ amazing _ rolling papers, let me go find them. There’s a hammock over there…” he gestured wildly, already heading towards the house.

Yes. That is why Louis came out here, he remembered. “Yeah, sounds good. I think T is just finishing up the dishes..” He explained. “I’ll go find the hammock.” He said lamely, Harry was too far gone to hear him. 

He started walking off to find the hammock, glad for the few minutes of silence that this would grant him. The hammock wasn't far and was in the exact direction Harry had promised. Thomas had been right - this was the first time since their honeymoon that Louis had been this alone, no security guards or screaming fans. It was silent, aside from the crashing of the ocean waves and the sound of some birds in the distance. He was glad that he’d had half a mind to bring some weed with him - if they had any chance of seeing if this could work, if they could actually bear to be in the same room as each other, nothing would break the tension like smoking a blunt. 

He heard Tom and Harry before he saw them, both going back and forth about the best way to roll a blunt. Louis had no idea, he was sure he could roll one if he tried, but usually, someone else was more than keen to do it themselves. 

Within a few minutes, they were all laughing at one of Harry’s jokes. Louis was in the middle, with Tom and Harry on either side of him. They’d each take a drag, passing it between the three of them. Tom, Louis, Harry. And then Harry’s giraffe arms would reach all the way over, passing it back to Tom. Shirtless and in swim trunks, giggling in a hammock, in the middle of the night. Tom was also his favorite husband  _ ever _ because he’d brought out a bag of chips and some salsa with him. Louis shook his head, passing the blunt from Tom to Harry, deciding to focus on the chips instead. 

“My fucking  _ God _ ,” He couldn’t help but moan. “These taste amazing. Best chips ever.” He said, pressing a chip crumb kiss to Tom’s cheek. “Thomas, I love you so fucking much.”

Thomas just laughed, stealing one for himself, dipping it into the salsa. “Love you too, baby.” He said, before crunching into it. 

Harry sighed, watching them. Louis didn’t think it was a sad sigh, though. Not that he could tell. “What is your guys’ secret?”

“Hm?” Tom asked, tilting his head, licking the salsa off his fingers. 

“You guys. Just, how you  _ are _ . So in love.” He explained. “I want that. What’s the secret?”

Even though he was high, he wasn't high enough to not tell Harry to kindly fuck off. “Hazza, you should probably start with not breaking up with someone over text.” He started and it was clear that Harry knew he shouldn’t have mentioned it. “And then telling everyone you know lies about why you did it. Just for starters.”

Tom sighed, kissing Louis’ cheek. “We’re always honest with each other. When hard questions are asked, we don’t lie to each other. We’re always on the same page and a united front. And I put him first in everything, and he, me.” He wrapped an arm around Louis’ shoulders. “I think, H, you just need to learn how to be in the same place with someone. Even if that place is monotonous and boring. And learn how to put someone else first, with everything inside you.”

“Yeah,” Louis said, brows furrowed. “That.”

✭

“Ocean blue eyes, looking in mine..” Louis hummed softly, his face just inches from Thomas’, where they were laid in bed. 

He gave a knowing laugh. “Are you singing Taylor Swift again?”

“I feel like I might, sink and drown and die!” He sang, before laughing. “Maybe. She’s so catchy.” He said and smiled.

Tom just laughed. “So fucking corny, when you’re high.” He grinned, stroking Louis’ hair back behind his ear. “You know I love you, so much, right?”

He nodded, smiling brightly. “So much. Love you too, that much, but more.”

✭✭✭

It was a little less weird after that, Tom noticed. The elephant in the room was that they  _ had _ to spend time together, and apparently, a bit of weed was the trick. Not like it wasn't a little weird, but it was better than it had been. They’d cooked breakfast together, and Harry was tidying up the kitchen now. Louis was out waxing his surfboard, as Tom put in some laundry. Because really, someone had to be the adult here. 

He washed his hands and dried them off as he walked out to the patio to see Louis. Fuck, this boy was his entire dream. He’d been a bit grumpy when he woke up, always was after a night of smoking, but the sun seemed to be doing him just right. He was down on the sand, but even from a hundred feet away, Tom was taken by how gorgeous he was.  

“Alright, T,” Harry said, drying his hands as he put up the last of the dishes. “I think I’ll go catch a surf also then.” He smiled, clapping Tom’s arm, before walking out onto the porch, and off into the sand. 

Tom didn’t surf, preferred to get tan and keep his hair dry. But it was probably for the best, to give Harry and Louis a chance to talk privately. He walked back into the kitchen, deciding to make himself a margarita and get in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. 

✭

Louis had made it out on the water first, sitting on his board, just waiting for the right wave. The water was usually so calming, but he couldn’t help but be a bit on edge knowing that Harry was going to join him soon. It wasn't as if they hadn’t spoken at all since the end, but it was different now. Knowing what this could end up in - knowing he could be signing away his whole entire life to Harry again - had him on edge. The unpredictable nature of the future. The water was pretty calm today, unlike the thoughts tumbling through his head. He could hear Harry paddling up behind him and sighed.

He had to give this a chance, he realized, almost all at once. Because Thomas was putting himself out there for Louis, and Harry was putting himself out there, and Louis was the one not trying so far. He took a breath to give him courage, sitting up a little taller as Harry floated beside him.

“Hey,” Louis started. That was an accomplishment, right? “Not much action out here today.” He mentioned.

Harry nodded, hands rubbing at his own wetsuit-covered thighs. “Yeah. Hopefully, we’ll get a few good ones in.” Louis just shrugged, so Harry kept going. “Y’think Tommy will come out here?”

Louis laughed a little bit. “Not a chance in hell. He doesn’t like the ocean that much, let alone being this far out.” He explained. “He says it’s because of his pretty blonde hair, but I think he’s nervous of sharks,” Louis admitted, smiling a bit. 

“I mean, his face  _ is _ too pretty to be mauled by a shark..” Harry smiled. 

Louis couldn’t disagree with that. “Yup. That’s why the more replaceable faces, like us, come out here.” 

“I don’t think your face is replaceable, Louis.” Harry frowned at him, 

Louis sighed, resting his elbows on his board and leaning forward. He’d slept awful last night, and had a huge kink in his back. “Harry. I was joking.” He explained. “Your face isn’t, either.” 

It was quiet for a moment, and then their focus was taken by a wave that was coming. They both caught it, Harry riding a bit longer than Louis, and before they knew it, they were back waiting again. 

“So, what kind of music have you been writing lately?” Harry asked, his eyes on the ocean and not Louis for once.

Louis shrugged a bit to himself. “It’s been a bit more mellow. Ballady. Calm. Zayn wants me to get a few more uptempo songs written for the next album though. You know how he is - all about the fireworks and the flashing lights - but there is something to be said for a good ballad.” Harry was just nodding, so he kept going. “Did you know that Zayn writes music?”

Harry shrugged as if he wasn't too surprised. “Why did all the good people stay on your team?” He asked, but it was obvious he wasn't looking for an answer. “Oh, this is  _ my wave _ !” He cheered, before paddling off towards it.

Baby steps, Louis supposed.

✭✭✭

They’d have wine nights, Harry and Louis. It started as a Sunday night tradition, but it evolved to whatever day they had free, as their fame took off and their schedules got tighter and tighter. Louis was old enough to buy, thank god, and it was always the same. A bottle of white for himself, and a bottle of red for Harry. 

They were in Milan this time, in the middle of touring their third album,  _ Twin Flames _ . He never got to go out and do the wine runs anymore, since it was hard for him to be in public at all in general, but the streets were quiet and his security detail promised to stay a respectful distance away, for an authentic feel. 

How crazy life had gotten, he thought with a laugh.

Harry, wonderful Harry, who he’d met just a few years prior, had changed his life completely. It was together that they lost X Factor but won the world, having fans all over and people singing their songs back to them in  _ arenas _ . Harry, who was the first and last boy he’d ever kiss, because he loved him so much. They’d talked about it - what they had was a  _ forever _ kind of thing. They were twin flames after all; it would be impossible for them to live a long, full life without each other.

Louis knew exactly what he wanted. White Moscato, something not too aged and a bit bubbly. But Harry, he always stuck with the reds. Something old and aged, said he could taste the notes of chocolate and cedar. It didn’t make sense to Louis but it didn’t have to, and he always found himself walking out with two bottles of wine, instead of settling for just one.

The streets were quiet, and it struck Louis for not the first time, how we’d traveled all around the world, yet he’d seen so little of it. Milan was all old cathedrals and cobblestone streets that Louis imagines were laid by hand. It was sunshine and fountains and art museums, and Louis had fallen in love. He’d told Harry that morning that they should buy a house here, somewhere in Italy. Maybe the countryside. He couldn’t help but smirk as he remembered Harry’s response, clutching the wine bottles tighter in his grasp.  _ Further in the countryside would be perfect, then I can fuck you outside with no one around to see. _

They’d been together for just over two years. People kept warning them that life would get either crazy or boring, and Louis was ready for either. Because he’d never felt a love like this. The kind of love that made him get matching tattoos with a dimpled boy, or the kind that filled his journal with lyrics he’d hope to profess to the world one day, of how much he loved him. Harry was sweet and quiet sometimes. He was generally soft-spoken, well mannered, and polite. He’d even get this blush that would pink his face, and Louis loved it. The color pink looked amazing on him in any sense. But he was also loud and fun could drink with the best of them, confident as hell, and the life of any party. Louis himself was a bit of both, naturally, but it was the way that Harry worked the polar opposites that got him going. He never knew what to expect but was always pleasantly surprised. 

He was back in their room before he knew it, smiling and setting the two bottles down. “I did my part, did you do yours?” He asked, beaming.

It was a thing, having a cheese plate with their wine. And they were international celebrities. Of course, they could just order one from room service or have Niall go out and find one at a swanky restaurant for them, but it was more fun to have Harry go try and charm the pants off of someone; get it for free. They’d never been denied before and they always left a good tip, so there really wasn't any harm. 

Harry scoffed. “Of course I did! These dimples always do the trick.” He said, before coming next to Louis. They each opened one of the bottles and poured a glass. But before even taking a sip, Harry pulled him in for a kiss. “Missed you while you were gone,” He said, mumbled right against his lips. “Hate being away from you.”

Louis smiled and pecked him once more. “Don’t worry babe. We don’t ever have to be apart. Two years down, forever to go.” He said, and they clinked their glasses together.

It had taken a lot of time for Louis to let Harry into his life fully. Louis was a glass-half-empty kinda guy - because realistically, bad things did happen. To everyone. And he’d already been so fortunate in his life, that there was bound to be some storm clouds eventually. He’d been bullied in school for his sexuality, so it was just a sensitive topic. But Harry was so patient and loving, it was really as if he was the older, more experienced one. Really, he was just wiser. They’d shared a lot of firsts, but Harry was always the one who went into them fearlessly. 

They both sipped their wine, and so went the tradition. They’d drink wine and eat cheese and crackers and talk all the shit they wanted to. Who was dating who in Hollywood, who was cheating on who, who copyrighted whose music, what their crazy families were doing, and everything in between. And by the end, they’d have two almost-finished bottles of wine, a platter with some crumbs on it, and Harry’s red wine stained lips. 

✭

_ let me leave a little taste on your lips, a little chill running under your skin… so when it’s a quarter past three you’re still thinking of me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !! please comment, bookmark and leave kudos to show me you're loving this and want more!!!! also, in case you wanted to peek, here is my pinterest, which is where i collect inspiration for the story! 
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com/magicallymollyx/
> 
> can't wait to hear from you guys!!
> 
> x molls


	3. two - boy, what you do to me is criminal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings:
> 
> sexual content, suggestively sexual material
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> song: criminal by lindsay ell

Thomas never usually had any problems falling asleep, but tonight seemed to be an exception.

He was used to sleeping in a bed that wasn't his own, without familiar arms wrapped around him. No, it wasn't the fact that he was away from home, or because Louis had contently fell asleep in the armchair in their room (and Tom knew him well enough to know to not disturb him, of course). It was something else entirely.

There was still weed fogging up his mind from the joint he’d smoked earlier, like a windshield that just wouldn’t defrost when you wanted it to. It had been nice to float a bit, just get his mind off of the awkward silences and pauses between the three of them. Sure, it had been better than yesterday, but not by much, and it was starting to make Thomas’ skin crawl - the way that Harry was looking at Louis. But now that Harry was, presumably, asleep in bed, and Louis was far gone on the chair, Tom was left alone with his thoughts. His thoughts lingered for a while on his sweet husband, until finally drifting off to a pair of green eyes that he’d not allowed himself to think of for a long time. Then it went back to Louis, and the amazing life they’d built together, then back to Harry and all the sneaking around they got up to. Between himself and the two people on this planet that knew him better than he knew the back of his own hand.

He knew that as bizarre as this whole situation was - it was worse for Harry and Louis themselves. He didn’t allow himself to think of it often. But this entire week in Barbados - thinking about the feelings they’d all suppressed or screamed or the hearts they’d broken, it was ultimately what they were here to do. See, it was different for him. Before he’d met Harry or Louis, he was keenly aware of who they were. They were  _ One Direction _ , for fuck’s sake. The most popular boy band in the known world. Sprouted out of Simon Cowell’s own asshole. They had this insane chemistry, right from the start, the kind that you just couldn’t ignore. And even if at the end was like a car accident, you still just couldn’t pull your eyes away. He’d taken a girlfriend to their concert once. Remembered how proud he personally was when they would wave a rainbow flag, knowing that each time was adding tolerance into the world for anyone in the LGBTQ community, like himself. They were so unapologetically themselves, in love with the life they were living, the career they’d built, and each other.

He didn’t know them until after it happened, or, before it happened, really. He was just one of the cars in a three-car pile-up. 

He rubbed his face, deciding to head downstairs for some water and some chips, cereal, really anything. The munchies were hitting him awfully hard tonight. Ten minutes later found himself sitting on the steps of the back deck, chips and a soda beside him, and one of Louis’ cigarettes between his lips. 

He’d sworn a lot of things on his wedding day. To love and trust, to protect and preserve, to stay faithful, until death do he part. But he’d also made a very specific promise - to never let anyone break Louis again. Not just his heart - but his trust, his confidence, his sense of self. All the things Harry had taken with him when he left without even saying goodbye. He flicked the end of the cigarette, watching the hot ashes hit the cold sand below him and fizzle dark. He felt like he was doing a shitty job at all of it, lately. They’d been busy - scheduled to see more of their work families than each other this calendar year - and it was so often they’d see each other for a red carpet and a movie premiere, five hours tops, before Louis was giving him a peck on his cheek and running off to catch his flight to somewhere Thomas couldn’t even pronounce. And it wasn't that he didn’t understand - it was a two-way street, filled with promises of coming to his shows in London just days before Tom booked a major movie that would be shooting in LA. Life had quickly become full of memorizing lines on planes and sharing secret kisses in between songs and scene changes. Truth be told, they had begun to settle into a life of superstar domesticity that they never expected would reach them. It had become so normal to sleep in a king size bed alone, only to be waking up for a long day on set at the same time Louis was coming home from a night out at the clubs, a sorry smile, and a sheepish  _ no one gives a damn when you’re boring, Tom. _

He wondered, offhandedly, if agreeing to come was the wrong decision. Harry was sweet as sin, sure. He was charming and considerate and lovely… Until he wasn't. Or at least, that’s how it went for him. But it was never in Tom’s nature to confront anyone or to say anything. He was soft-spoken and gentle, observant and thoughtful. Worried and concerned. He reached to eat another chip but was met with the bottom of the bag. His thoughts weren’t making any sense anymore anyways, he considered.

He wanted to go to bed, but how could he? All he could think of as Harry at 21, his lips dark pink with his trademark smirk plastered on them. Kissing him like Tom was something out of his wildest dreams. He thought of his little taste of heaven, Louis, the boy who was hurt but never knocked down or defeated. He thought about way more than sex and looks. He thought about his highs and his lows, his crowning achievements, everything in regard to the person he wanted to share it with. His favorite hello and his hardest goodbye. 

Usually, when he was high, he played puzzle games on his phone. But this was a technology-free trip, so instead, he was stuck thinking about his husband, and their shared ex-boyfriend. He couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh. Weed usually made him feel happy and free but mixed with the salty ocean air, it just seemed to cloud his head and bring up ghosts from the past he’d much rather forget.

✭

“Tom,” Louis shook his shoulder, waking him up within an instant.

“Mmm.” His brain was still foggy, a smile on his lips. He felt the press of the deck stairs on his back, realizing he’d fallen asleep out here, finally. But Louis was here now, sweet Louis. “Wassit?”

He just gave Tom a sweet smile, grabbing his hands and pulling him to stand up. “Can’t reach the crisps, help me?”

It was still the middle of the night, and the chances were slim that Tom would be able to fall asleep again - but one look at Louis, and he knew there was nothing else he would rather be doing, so he followed him inside. Married, superstar domesticity. Reaching the chips that were hidden away on the top shelf, in exchange for a few sweet kisses, and he could finally feel himself coming back down to earth.

✭✭✭

When Louis woke up the next morning and saw Thomas asleep next to him, he knew that something was amiss. Of course, Louis remembered that Tom had been up late the night before, out smoking off his high on the deck into the early hours of the morning, but that never stopped him before. If there was something Louis knew about his husband, it was that Thomas was a man of routine. Regardless of his bedtime (or if he got to sleep at all), he was always up before the sun, working out and meditating, and running lines. He frowned a bit more, rubbing Tom’s arm softly.

It never took much to wake him, and Louis winced as he watched Tom’s eyes flutter open. “Hey,” He said simply, letting his eyes close again.

He was sick, Louis could already tell. Could be the jetlag catching up to him, or a bug he caught in the airport, but sick Tom was easily detected. “Baby..” He frowned, stroking his hair back off of his forehead. 

Tom pushed his hand away, instead lacing their fingers together, giving him a soft smile. “I feel like shit,” He mumbled, a soft smile on his lips. “Not dying, though. Promise.”

Louis raised his brows. “You need tea or something. I can make you a cuppa,” He offered, kissing the back of his hand. 

Tom gave a smile, agreeing easily. “Let me take a shower, and we can go watch some telly together?”

Louis felt his smile growing. “Sounds perfect,” He said, hugging him from behind, before pushing of the bed to get dressed. 

He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be going to the beach today, with Tom feeling ill. So he threw on a t-shirt and some gym shorts, before walking downstairs to get the kettle on the stove. There was an ambiguous note from Harry about hot yoga and meditation, so Louis assumed he wouldn’t be back for a while. Which, honestly, sounded perfect to him. These were the pieces he missed when he was gone - being there for his husband when he didn’t feel well, or just wanted to lounge around all day. So the fact that this trip was affording him the opportunity was fine with him.

(Because, okay. Louis knew that at the end of this trip he would be making a  _ huge _ decision about his career and a potential upcoming tour. He knew that this was business and not pleasure. That it was lovely and beautiful here, but it was more about seeing if he could even truly interact with Harry for more than a few hours without his skin crawling, or breaking into tears. And he was perfectly okay with pushing any thought of those decisions aside, to be with Thomas. He could deal with the thought of Harry later.)

✭

The thing was, Louis wasn't very good at doting on a poorly husband. He could barely take care of himself when he was sick, and he wasn't good at cooking or cleaning, so truthfully he was probably doing more harm than good.

But Thomas seemed to love the attention anyway. They sat on the couch eating overcooked eggs and burnt toast, watching Ellen - which happened to be Tom’s guilty pleasure. Tom let Louis feed him a few bites of toast, licking the butter off his fingers slowly, before being thrown into a coughing fit - deciding it was better to feed himself, with a blushed laugh. 

After a few reruns, Thomas was asleep on the couch next to him. And Louis - fuck, it just caught him off guard sometimes, how lucky he was. Tom was so handsome, sexy, loving, thoughtful - everything Louis had dreamed of but never expected. He not only put up with Louis’ sass and attitude but thrived off of it, knew how to be the man in the room who commanded attention without dulling Louis’ own shine. He knew all of Louis’ ugly parts and loved him anyway, loved his sisters and brother, loved Louis and all of his crazy dreams.

He couldn’t help but smile, thinking of the fact that even though things weren’t perfect, that they had each other. Tons of love letters between them, and an entire album dedicated to the man who had found all the broken pieces of Louis’ heart and glued them back together again with his love. As stressful as the idea of this whole trip was (which he was pointedly avoiding), Louis was thankful to be here with Tom, instead of in Australia getting ready for an interview. 

He turned off the TV, leaving Tom to enjoy his snooze, with hopes he would feel better when he woke up. Cleaning was never his thing, but he decided to try and strip the bed sheets, throwing them in the wash just in case Tom really had caught something. Somehow he’d caused the washer to overflow, getting his clothes soaked as he tried to find the water hookup, cursing everything in the universe, as water spurted right in his face as he turned the dial the wrong way. He took off his wet shorts and shirt, tossing them in alongside the sheets, deciding to just call a repairman in later and never attempt laundry again. He came upstairs again to find Tom still relaxing in front of the couch, but awake now. “Hey baby,” He smiled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He was a bit cooler, which was a good sign.

Tom gave a soft smile, looking up at him and patting the spot beside him on the couch. “Hi,” He said, lacing their fingers together as he sat down. “Where’d your clothes go?” Tom asked him.

Louis smirked, trying to ignore the way Tom looked him up and down, knowing how Tom had a thing for tan skin. He didn’t want to bring up his laundry incident, now. “Got hot, was all.” He said and shrugged. He took a look at Tom and realized that he’d stripped down to just some boxers as well. “And, what happened to yours?”

He didn’t miss the way Tom’s eyes lit up as he smiled. “I got hot too. See - soulmate bullshit.” He grinned.

Louis laughed, letting a hand slide down his side, cupping his hip. “Missed you.” He said softly, looking at him. “Just being with you, and all that. I know, I’ve been gone awhile. Haven’t had much time for pants-only parties on the couch,” He mused.

Tom shrugged. “We could always make up for lost time…”

And Tom was sick, he could hear it in his tired voice. But who was he to deny his husband of anything?

It was their codeword when they were a brand new couple, still getting to know each other’s bodies and lives. Still overcoming the damage their respective ex had done, trying to find ways to love each other in hopes of that helping them love themselves better in turn. They’d lay on the couch, lips kissing each other wherever they could reach, just taking their time.

So Louis couldn’t find a better answer in him than to give a coy shrug, before leaning down and pressing gentle kisses down the column of his neck. Slowly, starting at his ear and working his way down centimeter by centimeter, feeling Tom shiver beneath him, the grip on his own hip tightening. Let his teeth trail down a bit, nipping the junction of his neck gently before licking over to soothe it, sucking softly on the red skin. Tom was letting out these soft gasps that he hadn’t heard in forever, nothing like the moans he forced out of him when they fucked, these were the kind that only came with a slow start and time to spare. 

Hands were running through his hair, and Tom was pulling him back, and Louis couldn’t help the way his eyes rolled back in his head as he let out a moan. Tom knew he loved having his hair played with and pulled, and he seemed more than happy to oblige right now, guiding Louis’ lips to meet his own. 

It was steamy and slow, filled with licks and gentle nibbles, just the way they knew the other loved it. And Louis was hard already, but for the first time in forever, he didn’t feel the need to  _ hurry _ and get off. Because he knew Thomas would be here in a few hours, and still tomorrow morning. They had  _ time _ , such a rare commodity in their lives. 

Tom wasn't as patient as he was, however, because before he could blink, he was pressing Louis down on the couch. Of course, he went willingly, because he couldn’t think of anywhere else he would rather be than underneath his sexy husband. Tom took his time leaving hickies fresh and prominent down Louis’ neck, encouraged more by the moans sliding from his mouth. Louis couldn’t stop himself from arching his back, letting his lips ruck against Tom’s, feeling Tom just as hard as he was. “Fuck, T,” He moaned, his eyes squeezing shut as he repeated the motion. Tom’s hands found their way to his ass, encouraging Louis to keep a rhythm going, squeezing and massaging and leaving Louis breathless.

“Missed these pants-only parties,” Tom breathed. “Missed the way you moan my name. Missed your sweet mouth. Missed  _ you _ , baby. And that ass too, of course.”

Louis couldn’t even pretend to be unaffected. “Missed you too, fuck. Feels so amazing. Love when you touch me.” Tom’s lips were biting at his collarbone, and fuck, he couldn’t stop the groan that left his mouth. “Gonna look like I got mauled by a bear,” he panted. 

He felt Tom smirk against his skin, rutting his hips up against his hard cock faster, wishing there weren't two tiny layers of fabric between them. “No, gonna look like you’re  _ mine _ ,” Tom clarified. “Wanna fuck you, baby.”

Louis was quick to nod, reaching down to pull down Tom’s pants, then his own. Tom went to work after that, rolling Louis onto his stomach and sucking on one of his fingers. Tom had rolled him over like he was nothing, and the drag of the leather against his cock had him moaning even more. 

“Fuck, L, haven’t even touched you yet.” He could hear the smirk in Tom’s face. 

Tom was a bit obsessed with Louis’ ass, it was a fact neither could deny. So he wasn't surprised when he felt Tom sitting on his thighs, taking his time as he spread Louis’ cheeks apart, stroking a finger over his rim slowly. Louis bit his lip harshly, hands gripping the edge of the cushion in front of him. He just rubbed at it, teasingly, not even letting the tip of his finger slip in the way Louis wanted it to. He decidedly spread his cheeks apart more, making Louis’ other cheeks heat up a bit, before finally entering in one, then two fingers. 

It was quick from there, and exactly how Tom liked it (since he was sick and all, who was Louis to not give him it exactly how he liked it?), face down, ass up, and hard. Of course, Louis loved it too. Loved the way that the thrusts made his eyes roll back in his head and his cock drag against the leather more, getting sticky with precome below him. The way Tom filed him and worshipped his ass, massaging it in time with his thrusts. How he marked the back of Louis’ neck and pulled his hair to get a better angle on his thrusts. Tom came right inside him - because they’d been married for years now, and it always felt better for both of them that way - before stroking Louis’ cock and fucking him through his orgasm. 

Tom licked the come off his hand because he was usually the one to get a flannel, but he wasn't feeling up to it. He pulled up both of their boxers and pulled a blanket over them from the back of the couch. Louis smiled sleepily and gave him a sweet kiss, before falling asleep in his arms.

✭✭✭

The thing was, Harry really wasn't sure how to act during this trip. He, of course, liked a bit of alone time that he was never afforded back home. Loved doing hot yoga before jogging on the beach, not worrying about the paparazzi or fans catching up to him. He loved walking through side streets in town and finding produce that was picked that morning, meeting locals who had no clue who he was. But he was also keenly aware that it wasn't how this time was supposed to be spent. They were on day three out of an eight-day trip, and at the end of this, they would be tasked with deciding if they could work together enough to tour together. If their pasts and their presents could combine in a way that was functional and smart, liveable.

He needed to find a way to dig deeper. Because he knew Louis was more than surfing and hitting a blunt at night. He was filled with wildly strong opinions and feelings, passion for the people he loved and his fans. He loved comic books and sports and the spotlight. But he had a quiet side too, sensitive and soft-spoken. He didn’t often listen but when he did, he always knew just what to say.

It didn’t surprise him much when he and Thomas got together, actually.

He heard about it through Nick Grimshaw, who’d heard it from Olly Murs, who’d heard it from Niall Horan (Harry’s own PA, before Louis had stolen him and promoted Liam), who had witnessed it first hand. And it was often that rumor trains like that weren’t true, unreliable… But Harry knew those people. He’d known them for years. There had to be some truth behind it. Tom was funny and charming, knew how to work a room. _ They looked good together, _ Harry remembered thinking, _ happy _ . 

So, needless to say, he could understand why things between the three of them would be a bit off. Why it was hard to re-learn the people he used to be so close to, spend his midnights with. But it was necessary. Liam and Louis hadn’t been wrong - his album hadn’t been as successful as they had hoped -  _ needed _ it to be. So, really, this had to work out. Louis was currently seated at the top of the charts. Harry needed that kind of boost. So, it would be up to him to put himself out there.

✭

He ended up coming home a little after noon, armed with some fresh fruit and veggies and a new hat. He came in and tossed his keys on the counter, before toeing off his flip-flops. He saw Louis’ head peek over the side of the couch and let himself smile. “Hey, Lou.”

“Oh! Hey, Harry - how’d your class go this morning?” There was some shifting around, and within a few seconds, before he stood up. 

He smiled a bit, realizing that Louis actually looked at his note. “Lovely, actually. I feel quite enlightened.” He nodded, starting to sort out the bags he’d brought in. “How has your morning been?”

Louis shrugged as he walked over, and it wasn't lost on Harry that he and Tom had to have been up to  _ something _ this morning if the hickeys on his neck were any indication. “Nothing much..” He shrugged. “Some brekkie, some Ellen - we were going to go to the beach, but Tom’s feeling a bit poorly, so we’ve stayed in.” His hands played with the ends of the shirt he was wearing - Harry presumed it was Tom’s because Southern Comfort was too American for Louis to own. “Yeah, that’s about it..”

Harry nodded, frowning a bit. “Aw, poor Tom,” He said and shook his head. “Being poorly while on holiday is absolutely awful. I can make some soup? Oh, yeah. I think I have just the right ingredients, for my mum’s chicken soup recipe.”

Louis’ brows furrowed a bit, arms crossing over his chest. “I’ve fed him breakfast, he’s fine.” And Harry would know that tone anywhere.

He would have to be careful with what he said because he could easily upset Louis. Louis was a bit preemptive when it came to his defensiveness. Harry could hear it on his tongue. “Oh, of course. I don’t think he’s hungry since he had brekkie and all - but, you’re not going to want to cook while he’s sick, are you?”

Apparently, that wasn't what Louis wanted to hear. “Of  _ course _ I want to cook for him, he’s my husband. I would do anything for him.” He spat. “I don’t need your help, Harry. I’m more than capable.”

Harry watched him lick his lip a bit, shaking his head. He knew that Louis wasn't being truthful, because as they all knew, Louis couldn’t cook for shit. “I never said you weren’t capable.”

“You didn’t have to,” He argued. “I know you’re thinking it. I know you’re wondering why anyone would even marry me -”

“ _ What _ , Louis?” Harry couldn’t help but interject, because,  _ really? _ He’d just wanted to be helpful.. “Where the fuck is that coming from?”

“Instead of, you know, stringing me along for months like you did!”

And, there went the atomic bomb. The elephant in the room that Harry hoped might go unnoticed. It was silent between the two of them, and Harry just looked into his eyes, wishing he could take away all the shitty things he’d ever done to him. He just rubbed his face, sighing. “I never - why would you think I led you on?”

Louis’ reply was quiet. “You just - you kept talking about the future… Kids, weddings, houses, but you never - you never  _ did _ anything about it. We dated for years. And you never even wanted to get married.”

It hadn’t been the case at all, really, but Harry knew Louis well enough to know that mentioning that wouldn’t make a difference. “If I had proposed to you, would you have said yes?” He asked, brows raised. 

Louis scoffed a bit, managing to seem even more hurt than he did a few seconds before. “It’s irrelevant. Because I was  _ honest _ with you about how I felt. You just can’t say the same, can you?”

Harry shook his head, letting out a snide laugh. “Louis, it’s both of our faults that we were never on the same page. I mean, you -”

“I think it’s about time this conversation was over.” And that was Tom, sitting up on the couch, looking Harry dead in the eyes. “Okay?”

And Harry couldn’t do this with both of them, not at once. He shook his head and headed upstairs to his room. “Hope you’re feeling better, Thomas.” And with that, he took the stairs, two at a time, closing his door behind him. 

✭✭✭

“It’s just not going to work.  _ That’s _ what I’m saying, Liam.” Louis found himself screaming into the phone, a hand pulling at his hair in frustration.

“We crunched the numbers before you left, Louis. We  _ need _ this. Cowell is fucking right. I know you’re tired and frustrated, but seriously? Are you even trying?”

And Louis couldn’t even stop himself from screaming, tossing his phone across the room and into the wall. “Am I fucking trying? What the fuck do you think?” But of course, he wasn't done yet, so he picked the phone up off the ground, shaking with anger. “How could you do this to me - to Tom? You’re supposed to be one of my best friends, you’re supposed to care about me and help me make the best decisions, and you’re ruining everything I have here!”

He could hear Liam sigh on the other end of the phone. “Of course I’m one of your best friends. I’ve known you for so long, Louis, you’re like a brother to me.” Louis was fighting back tears, and honestly, why was he so emotional about this? “And that’s why you need to see if you can make this work.  _ Because _ I love you and Tom. Because I care about you. And I know you need this.”

He knew, as much as he didn’t want to hear it, that Liam was right. He was sitting at the top of the charts now, but he cared about longevity. Making fame into a career that will last. He didn’t want to be a forgotten ex-boy bander. And if anyone would get him there, it would be Simon and Liam. And Harry, apparently. 

“Listen,” Liam was saying, and he must’ve been speechless a bit longer than he expected. “I know you both said things. And you both hurt each other, and he broke your heart. And I know how long it took you, to bounce back from that. But getting back together as One Direction doesn’t need to mean automatic and complete forgiveness. It can mean you making a brilliant career move, one that would let you see Tom more.”

He looked out the window, to where Tom was sitting on the balcony. He was wrapped up in a blanket and watching the waves. Louis knew he was probably upset. Tom hated fighting in any capacity, and he really hadn’t been thrilled to hear that the fight was over soup. Said he needed some air. “What he did to me - to  _ us _ \- is unforgivable.”

“Nothing’s unforgivable,” Liam said, voice soft. “You just have to make sure he’s sorry.”

✭✭✭

“I’m so sorry - I know it’s really last minute,” Louis sighed, looking at his computer as he settled down, sitting on the edge of the bed with the guitar in his lap. “I just - you’re gonna know if it’s any good or not.”

Niall’s brows raised a bit, shrugging. “I mean, most of the stuff you write is good.” He said, and from what Louis could tell, he really meant it. “Must be a bit different than usual though, if you’re calling me about it.”

Louis nodded a bit, fiddling, making sure his guitar was tuned. “It’s not for me. Won’t make it on an album. I just - I was feeling things, and this came out. And I love it and I hate it at the same time, but like, I also never want to deal it again? I want to sell it, I think -”

“Mate, c’mon. Play me the song already.” Niall interrupted, because, “I know you’re just stalling now.”

Louis sighed, shrugging a bit. “Don’t hate me forever if it’s awful, okay?” 

Niall just nodded, waiting, brows raised.

Louis began to play, and it was just - so different than the normal music he wrote. It wasn't super sultry or fun, or something you’d play at a party while getting sloshed with a bunch of people you barely knew. It was slow and smooth, rhythmic and upbeat, all at the same time.

_ You’re the habit I can never get enough of... Boy, what you do to me is criminal, baby when I look in those eyes, I feel like running through stop lights, looking at the cops like I’ve got nothing to lose. Boy, you’ve got me burning like a matchstick, takin’ me to the edge just one step past death, it ain’t right, it ain’t typical… Boy, what you do to me is criminal.  _

It was quiet for a minute, both of them staring at each other as Louis set his guitar aside and pulled his computer a bit closer. 

“That’s…” Niall didn’t know exactly how to say what he was trying to ask. “That’s about Harry, isn’t it?”

“I asked you if it was good or not, not if you could guess who it was about,” Louis replied, brows raised in an attempt to seem unimpressed. In reality, he hated that his friends knew him so well. 

Niall shook his head because the days of Louis intimidating him were long gone. “You already know it’s good. You wouldn’t have played it for anyone if it wasn't. I can get it sold for you, I have some friends in country music who I think would love it. Send me the PDF of the lyrics and an MP3 of you singing it.”

Louis nodded, licking his lips. “I’ll get it to you sometime tomorrow.”

Niall nodded and looked at Louis. “How are ya holding up? With Harry, and all?”

“About as well as can be expected,” he said honestly. “Things were okay for the first few days, but then shit happened…” He trailed. “And well, he’s off to being a prick again who thinks I’m incapable of the smallest tasks.”

“Mmm..” Niall nodded, considering. “And what’s Tom think about it?”

Louis ran a hand through his hair. “You know how T is, he can’t stand bickering. He doesn’t even understand how H and I lasted as long as we did, with all the fighting between us two. I can tell he’s pissed off that things aren’t relaxed and quiet. Because he’s poorly, mostly. But, we all saw this coming. It’s the whole point of this trip.”

Niall nodded again, and it was clear he wasn't going to say too much on the subject. He was still friendly with Harry, if Louis remembers correctly, and in general, Niall wasn't the kind to butt in when it wasn't his place. “Well, I hope you straighten it all out, mate. Gotta do what’s best for the three of you.”

Louis nodded, a tight-lipped smile accompanying it. “Thanks, Ni. And thanks for holding down the fort while we’re away.”

Niall gave a sassy salute. “All in the job description. Go get yourself a drink or something - you should at  _ least _ have a little fun while you’re away.”

Louis rolled his eyes and laughed, before hanging up and pushing his computer away.

✭

Tom seemed to be on the mend when Louis finally came back inside, and Louis knew him well enough to know that it was to prevent another fight from breaking out. “Hey, T,” He said, before leaning to press a kiss on his lips. 

Tom gave a soft smile, looking up at him. “Hey, baby. How was your writing?”

He shrugged noncommittally. “I think it might be something I sell. Nothing groundbreaking, I’m afraid.” He sat beside him, sighing a bit. “I know you don’t like fighting. I know how hard this must be for you-”

“But…” Tom sensed, looking at him, lacing their fingers when Louis reached for his hand. 

“But,” Louis confirmed, “I need to figure out what I’m feeling. Figure out what  _ he’s _ feeling. If this thing could even work. And I know how you are. But you know how I am. And I can’t do that quietly and politely... It might take some cursing and screaming.” He admitted. “I’m not proud of it, but I need to think things through and face a lot of shit I just pushed away when he hurt me.”

Tom seemed to understand. “I know. I just - I hate to see you hurt. Hate to see how he affects you still. How he affects  _ me _ still. But I understand. And I’m here for you.”

“Brilliant.” Louis smiled, pressing another kiss to Tom’s lips. “Because I have an idea.”

✭

_ tavery has added tommo and hazza to the group. _

  tavery: tonight. 9 pm. back deck. we’re sorting through this shit like men. bring a list of topics u want to address and don’t leave anything out. 

  hazza: lists ?? of what ???

  tommo: all the shit ur thinking or wanna say but cant. if u want this deal tonights the chance.

  tavery: don’t be late. it’s gonna be a long night boys.

✭✭✭

When Thomas first found himself inside Harry Styles’ London penthouse, he thought he was at the beginning of one of his favorite wet dreams. But, he pinched himself a few times and realized that, no, he was in fact  _ here _ . He’d met Harry a few weekends before at the 2012 MET Gala, and they’d bantered back and forth flirtatiously. Well, Harry started it. Tom would never flirt with a taken man, but it seemed there was trouble in paradise.

Harry and Louis Tomlinson, the other half of One Direction (and frequent member of Tom’s wet dreams also) had been dating for as long as Tom had remembered, at least since they became famous. So while he was insanely attracted to both of them, they’d automatically gone on the  _ off-limits _ list in Thomas’ head. So he was intrigued when he met Harry and heard that he was completely, one hundred percent single. 

There had been rumors in the tabloids, but those usually were just rumors. Someone always had shit to say, without anything to back it up. But this was Harry Styles, in the flesh, telling him that he was completely, without a doubt, unreserved. When Tom mentioned that he’d be in London for a press tour later in the month, they set a date to have dinner.  _ To get to know each other, over a glass of wine _ , Harry had said. 

He was opening the wine now, Tom was sitting at his breakfast bar a few feet away. Harry was just sexy and sultry, making opening a bottle of red seem a lot more seductive than it really was. He handed Tom a glass and smiled, before taking a sip of his own. Tom wasn't much of a wine man himself, but who was he to be impolite? He took a small sip, licking his lips after. 

“Not a fan of red?” Harry asked, amused, apparently seeing right through Tom’s attempt to be polite.

Tom couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “Unfortunately, I’m really not that posh. I don’t usually do much more than a nice beer or the occasional margarita.”

“Fruity,” Harry smirked. “I can see it.” 

He set the wine down, before crossing the room in just a few steps. Fuck, he looked so good, Tom couldn’t help but think, the way his hands looked so big around the delicate wine glass. He wondered what else they’d look big around.

Harry stroked Tom’s cheek gently. “You don’t have to pretend to like it for me,” He assured him, licking his own lips. “Wine’s not for everyone. Is there anything else I can get you?” His voice was deeper, as he looked right into Tom’s eyes - his  _ soul _ , really - and Tom just, was short-circuiting, words not coming to his mind. Harry was so, so patient and helpful, though. “Anything else you might want to drink, taste on those lips?

He felt Harry’s thumb brush over his lips slowly, and he was nodding, blushing like a virgin (which, he was definitely not) as he stood up. He was still a few inches shorter than Harry, but it still felt like Harry was towering over him like he did everyone else. “I think so,” He said, letting his hand reach down to cup Harry’s half hard cock through his pants. “Did you have something specific in mind?”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments and kudos if you want to see more of this! let me know how i'm doing !!
> 
> xx molls


	4. three : all your little things

“That’s actually, for once, a really good question,” Louis smiled brightly, laughing a bit as the interviewer literally patted herself on the back. “Was there ever a moment where I doubted if I was really in love with this prick right here, if he was really the one?” He gestured to Harry and smiled. “Creative. I love it.”

He did have to think for a second though, glancing at Harry, whose pink lips were smiling, looking so utterly in love that it made Louis’ heart do flips. “I mean, usually there are warning signs when it’s not meant to be. Suspicious behavior and whatnot. I mean, trust me, I have five teenage sisters who  _ love _ snooping, so I basically have my own FBI.” That earned a few chuckles. “And like, they’re very protective of me. Oldest brother, and whatnot. And they all love him, completely enamored with him, honest. So that was something that made me  _ not _ doubt my love for him at all. And he’s thoughtful, funny, clumsy, caring, and honest. Couldn’t even lie if he wanted to. So, no, I guess. I love him and trust him with my entire heart.”

The interviewer simply smiled brightly, the in-studio audience still going crazy, probably text-quoting his words to Tumblr right now. “Well, guys. More in love than they’ve ever been, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, the lads of One Direction!”

Louis and Harry both waved and blew a few kisses, before walking offstage, hand in hand. A few of the stage crew waved as they walked by, both giving content smiles as they walked into their dressing room. He heard the door click shut after Harry closed it, yanking his hand away and pulling his phone out of his pocket, pushing his headphones into his ears so he didn’t have to hear Harry’s insufferable, annoyed sighs. 

They were due to perform a song at the end of the show, which meant he was stuck in this dressing room with Harry for approximately 27 more minutes before they could sing their song, do their thing, and he could have some personal space. He just needed some peace and quiet, was all.

Harry wasn't having it apparently, though, his hands pulling Louis’ headphones out of is ears, arms crossed and brows raised. “So, you’re going to fucking pretend like I’m not here?”

Louis couldn’t help but rub his face in frustration. “You know, sometimes I just fucking wonder about you. Like, did you feed her that question on purpose? Knowing how it would get to me, eat me up inside, but how one look at your fucking face and I’m falling in love with you all over again?- Don’t fucking  _ smile _ at me right now, Harry. I’m  _ livid, pissed off _ , whatever will get it through your dense skull that I’m not happy with you!”

“Of course I didn’t feed her that question!” Harry gasped, apparently just realizing that Louis was, in fact, serious. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  
Louis rolled his eyes. “Why do you even have to ask that? What’s wrong is that you write about other men in your journal, when we’ve been together for  _ years _ . Maybe,  _ that’s _ what’s wrong. That I have an interviewer ask if you’ve ever shown a sign why I should doubt my love for you when I just found a huge one this week.”

Harry’s mouth opened before closing, and  _ fuck _ , Louis would give anything to know what he was thinking.

“See? You don’t even know what to say. S’just… Funny. Because you say I’m the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen when we’re fucking, but why are you writing these creepy, detailed descriptions of other guys’ bodies, and fuck, why am I just consistently not enough for you?”

“I never said you weren’t enough for me! Louis, c’mon, you-”

“You didn’t have to say it!” He actually laughed, just shaking his head at Harry’s fucking comments. “You didn’t have to, because you had it scribbled in that fucking notebook that you carry  _ everywhere _ with you!”

“Which, now that we’re on the subject of  _ my _ notebook, it wasn't yours to look at! How could you - that’s like reading your sister’s diary!” Harry was mad now, and how could he be so mad when  _ he _ was the one thinking and writing all about other men?

“One, you’re my boyfriend and not my sister. Completely different. And two, you left it out and open. On our bed. Right next to me! If you were testing me, I’m sorry I fucking failed. But so did you, mate. Failed at being loyal and honest, asshole.”

“So, because I’m your boyfriend I have no right to privacy?”

“No, because you’re my boyfriend, you shouldn't be writing softcore porn about other lads in your journal!”

“Have you even read softcore porn, because  _ trust me _ , that’s not what it was!”   


“I don’t fucking care what it was because it means you’re fucking lying to me!”

It was silent for a second before Liam knocked softly and slipped in, looking between them. It was obvious he’d hear their fight, but he’d already heard the major details from Louis the day prior, so. “Um, time to take your marks for the performance, and then we’re headed home.” He said, looking between them.

Harry straightened his shirt, trying to get rid of the wrinkle or two that had come up. “Yeah - okay. We’ll be right out, just give us a moment..”

“Actually, Harry, Liam is  _ my _ assistant, and I would like him to stay here, so yeah. No.” He stood up himself, taking a few swigs from his water bottle before following Liam out through the door, smiling and posing for a few pictures as they approached the stage. 

Harry was trailing behind him, he could hear it. Not one to be outdone, of course. Right on time, they hit their marks, Harry’s guitar around his body and Louis sitting at the piano, stretching his fingers for a second, before getting the cue to start. His fingers moved slowly over the keys, playing the intro through before he heard Harry’s guitar come in right at the perfect time. As always.

They were in the middle of the press junket for  _ Twin Flames _ , their newest album that had absolutely taken the world captive. It was a chronological version of their love story in song, where they’d bared their souls together, writing every single track either alone or with the other, no co-writers. It was romantic and sweet, steamy and sexy, an openly honest look at how it felt in that moment to fall in love and to be loved.  _ Twin Flames _ had taken their success to a whole new level; the world was as obsessed with their music as they were with Harry and Louis’ relationship. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because everyone could relate to feeling in love, loving someone else with everything you had, or wanting to feel those things. 

And normally, Louis loved every second of it. Loved every little piece of their music and loved every second he got to spend with Harry. But he was hurt and upset, and he needed  _ space _ , but they’d been stuck in a tour bus together for the last twelve days. And he was practically buzzing mutually off of anger and the prospect of getting to spend two entire days by himself, in his Malibu beach house. All he had to do was make it through this song,  _ Little Things _ .

It was a song Harry had written, which made it unique from most of the album. A majority of the songs were written by Louis himself, or between the two of them. But Harry had written  _ Little Things _ as a bit of a surprise for Louis, a way to show how much he cared for him. Louis had mastered his fake smile a long time ago. He’d become a professional bullshitter in that respect because as a celebrity, you’re not allowed to have a bad day, or to be sick, or sad or anything. So it had become easy for him to turn on the charm and play the ballad on the piano, singing along with Harry in harmony, making eye contact when they were supposed to and everything. 

They didn’t have much choreography, per se, because neither of them were dancers at all. So they had a few planned moves here and there. Play guitar here, walk across stage then, et cetera. Louis felt like a robot sometimes like today, when he would be content to play the whole song from the piano. But he did as he was supposed to, letting the backup piano take his place before standing up, singing his bridge out to the audience, before letting Harry grab his arm, pulling him back into himself. 

_ Oh, and I’ve just let these little things slip out of my mouth. ‘Cause it’s you. It’s you. It’s you they add up to - and I’m in love with you, and all your little things. _

Looking right in his eyes, Louis harmonized the last chorus of the song. It was hard to be angry at him when he looked so good, when his voice sounded so sweet, when he looked at Louis like he was something so worthy of love, no matter what his journal said. He let himself forgive him for a moment, finishing off the song, before pressing a slow and sweet kiss to his lips, hearing the studio audience go wild. 

It was a tradition, after all, every time they sang the song. A kiss to the lips, to show how in love they were, with every single little thing, journal be damned.

He was pulled away by the interviewer whose name he didn’t even remember, smiling, feeling a little bit better for a second. It was funny how the very thing that hurt you could be the same thing to fix you. 

“Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, everyone, the boys of One Direction! Be sure to pick up their newest album,  _ Twin Flames _ , featuring the hit single  _ Little Things _ , on iTunes and in a store near you!”

✭✭✭

Louis didn’t see much of Harry or Tom after the GroupMe was sent out. He assumed that Harry went out to the beach to spend his day away from the two of them, and Tom was in the hammock right off the porch, working on a list of his own. 

It hadn’t taken Louis but a few minutes to write his own list. It was filled with the questions he’d wanted answers to for months, the doubts he’d had about not being good enough for anyone to settle down with for years, the lies, tricks, and games that had plagued their relationship. He wanted answers, needed them if there was any hope of them making this work. Louis had it in his mind not to trust a word Harry said, and if they were to become a two-piece again, Harry would be all he had. 

He knew, in the back of his mind, that it probably wasn't going to happen. Because really, who needed to die a legend anyway? He was still adored and loved by millions of people as it was. (Because truthfully, there were  _ thousands _ of fan conspiracy theories of why One Direction broke up. Was it mutual? That pregnancy scare that the media had crafted up? But for the most part, fans had settled on something along the lines of a messy breakup, all thanks to Harry. And they weren’t wrong, which is why everyone still loved  _ him _ . Mostly, because they pitied Louis for losing what they thought to be the love of his life. It wasn't, because Tom had come along and changed everything, and loved him like he was brand new, but the fans didn’t seem to understand that.)

His list was done and sitting in the notes section of his phone, and he was sitting in the kitchen now, trying to muster up the courage to actually  _ say _ the things on his list; to actually be brave and confront the person who had ruined him for so long.

He knew he could do it, he just needed to figure out how.

✭✭✭

Tom, understandably, was the first one on the deck. He always liked to be early, said it made a good impression on people. In this scenario, there was no one he was trying to impress - but it made him feel a bit more confident, a bit more prepared for what was about to go down right before his eyes.

Louis had always been open and honest about things with Harry - how good they were when things were good, and how awful they’d gotten when they went south. He’d never shied away from telling Tom the way that Harry made him felt, being so young and in love. And Tom had never hidden details from his past relationships with Louis. Told him every detail of how things with him and Harry went like it was clinical and far off, which is how it felt in comparison to what Louis described. They’d bonded over mutual heartbreak in the beginning, Tom making a joke about how they could learn to love again by loving each other. Admittedly, neither thought that the thing between them would last. So much damage done for two people who barely knew each other. But that’s what kept the close. When Tom felt like the hurt would never end, like he couldn’t escape Harry’s face, Louis knew exactly the pain he was going through. 

But today was going to be different.

Watching Louis confront the man who broke him would kill Tom. Knowing that this was mostly between Harry and Louis would make him feel so unnecessary, but he knew he had to be there. Because he had to be okay with this, with them. He had to be confident that things would be fine, that his boy would be fine. And he was thankful that his input was so highly regarded. 

He set a bottle of water out for each of them, along with an ashtray for Louis. Tom only really smoked cigarettes when he was drunk or high; he always thought it was a dirty habit, but he knew Louis would probably light up the second he got out here. It was a coping mechanism for him. His own list was pretty short, so he hadn’t needed to type it out. He didn’t think he could forget it if he tried. 

He sat down in the chair at the end of the table, a seat that would force Harry to look Louis in the eyes while he spoke to him. A seat that would make sure Harry knew exactly how Louis felt - a seat where Tom could reach out and stop Louis if he tried to punch Harry, which he wouldn’t be surprised if the conversation veered that way. In Tom’s mind, there was a whole lot to forgive, more than most people could accomplish in a week and a half. He thought it was a little pointless at first, but also reminded himself that this wasn't just an ex, it was  _ Harry _ . Harry, who had grown up with Louis, traveled the world with him, made it big together. His first everything, Louis had described. First best friend, first kiss… And as much as a huge part of Tom hated Harry for ho much he’d hurt Louis, he wanted him to have that person. Because it was important. He remembered the first guy he’d kissed, clumsy with too much teeth. Remembered how it felt when he’d stopped talking to his childhood best friend. And he couldn’t imagine the sense of loss that would come with losing that all at once. So here they were. 

The last thing he set on the table was a bottle of rum and some shot glasses. Because if they were being honest, they might need some alcohol to make it through tonight. And he waited. 

✭

Louis was the last one outside, he realized, as two pairs of eyes met him as he closed the door. He was sure neither of them was surprised - he was late for quite literally  _ everything _ . A fatal flaw, or whatnot. He gave Thomas a soft kiss on his head as he walked by, taking the empty seat left at the table. It seemed they were keeping things on a serious note because it had been silent since before he had opened the door. Getting settled into his seat, he grabbed his pack of Marlboros from his back pocket, setting them on the table and snuggling one between his lips, lighting it, and taking a drag.

Tom cleared his throat a few seconds later. “Okay, lads. We’ve been putting this off for days, walking on eggshells around each other, but that time has passed. We all know why we’re here. We all know what the severity of this deal with Simon could be. So let’s handle this like men and see if there is even anything left to negotiate.”

Louis and Harry both nodded. Harry seemed tense under Tom’s gaze, and who wouldn’t? Louis could only imagine what Tom had written on his list. He’d be scared if he were Harry, too.

Tom continued on. “I’ve instructed each of you to make a list of topics we need to discuss. I’ll be moderating the conversation since we know you lot tend to fight rather than talk. It’ll go in turn. You get to say or ask a phrase or question from your list, and the other gets a chance to respond before you say anything else. Let’s try to keep the impassioned speeches to a minimum,” and Tom was looking at Louis now, so he nodded meekly. “Every question has to be answered, or the deal’s off. No skirting around the truth. We’re not leaving here until this is all said and done.”

Harry nodded and Louis did as well. He took in how serious Tom looked because sometimes he forgot how much this affected him. He reached for Tom’s hand, but frowned when Tom pulled it away. 

“I’m going to do my best to be impartial here,” He explained, looking at Louis the way he does when he really wants to kiss him. Which - same, Tom. But of course, now wasn't the time. “Okay… Does anyone want to go first?”

Harry probably already knew Louis would want to because he made no move to himself. “I’d like to,” Louis said, pulling his phone out and opening up his notes. He had to start with something light, he realized. Something that would show this whole conversation wouldn’t just end in a fight. 

“Anything you want to know,” Harry reminded, relaxing back into his chair. He said it as if to reassure Louis. It was doing the exact opposite.

“After we split up - were any of your songs about me?” He asked, not looking at Harry, instead choosing to cross that item off of his list. 

Harry sighed a bit, running his fingers through his hair. “Yes, Louis. Of course, there were songs about you.” 

Louis noticed, though, that he didn’t sound condescending. More - disappointed? Like he figured Louis would have known this on his own?

“I could name them all, but I don’t think that’s what you’re after,” Harry said, brows raised. “I think you-”

Tom interrupted, shaking his head. “Nope. You answered his question. If you have something you’d like to add, put it on your list.” He said. “Louis, is that a sufficient answer? Or would you like to know the specifics?”

And Tom was such a strong man and husband because some wouldn’t be as patient as he was being now. “No,” Louis said, looking at Tom, then Harry. “That’s sufficient.”

Tom nodded, looking at Harry. “Okay, then. One from your list.”

It went on like that for a while, both starting with easy questions about songs, Liam, Niall and Zayn, old mutual friends, their families. The kind of questions you always wanted answers to after a breakup. Harry wanted to know if Jay still hated him when she died, Louis explained that while she’d told Harry she hated him, she really hadn’t meant it - she just hated the way Harry made Louis feel. Louis wanted to know how good of friends Harry and Niall were. The answer was not very good, it was hard when Niall was a bit biased, but they’d go for drinks or golf on rare occasion. Things got more serious, Louis wondering why Harry thought he was entitled to sell their shared French cottage, Harry replied that it smelt like Louis and he couldn’t deal with that, so he’d sold it to the first bidder and sent Louis’ investor the full profit from it. Harry asked why Louis never turned down the rumors when people asked if Harry was abusive. Louis lit another cigarette and coldly responded that he’d abused Louis’ heart and faith, so he couldn’t quite say yes or no. An hour later, and they were knee-deep in the real questions. The ones that had gotten them exiled to Barbados in the first place.

“I forgave you for a lot, but even after forgiving you, you never had the balls to tell me about the boys in your notebook. Who were they?” Louis asked.

They were each at least two shots in, Tom was closer to four if Louis’ math was correct. Harry’s elbows were leaned on the table, his chin resting in his palms, as he considered how to answer. 

After a minute, he finally did. “They were people I’d met. Physical descriptions and all. Just people I thought were interesting. People I knew I wanted to write music about one day.” Which - wasn't the answer Louis was expecting. He must’ve looked confused, because Harry continued on. “It wasn't anyone I was attracted to, fuck…. At the time, I couldn’t barely  _ think _ of anyone besides you, Lou. But I knew that as much as I loved you, there would be a time when we couldn’t just write music about each other. So they were just people, who sparked something inside me. That I used to write songs for my solo albums because I’m not the kind of writer who always writes off of experience. Writing doesn’t come naturally to me, you know that.”

Louis felt - foolish. It was something so little, one fight that hadn’t meant anything in the long run. Something that had made him insecure though, even when Harry insisted that there was nothing to worry about. He couldn’t help but just kind of nod, before gesturing to Harry to continue.

Harry bit his lip, looking through the questions he had left on his list. Truthfully, there weren’t many left, just three or four if Louis could see it right. His list looked about the same. They were really getting to the hard stuff, here. 

“Um. This one’s for Tom, actually,” Harry said.

Louis and Tom both were a bit taken by that. But they shared a glance before Tom nodded. “Okay. Fire away.”

Harry licked his lips, and Louis just remembered how that used to drive him wild. “Okay,” He said, taking a breath, before looking up and meeting Tom’s eyes. “I just - I want to know - Why Louis. Out of everyone in the world, because really Tom, you could’ve had literally  _ anyone _ … Why him?”

Louis couldn’t help but make a face at that question. But he stayed silent, letting Tom answer himself.

“First off, no need to jab at bisexuality,” Tom said clearly, looking Harry dead in the eyes. “And it didn’t happen the way I’m sure you’re imagining it did. We didn’t meet in person or talk until a few months after everything that happened ended. And we were both still hurting, still scarred from the mess you made.” He explained. “And when I saw him -” He bit his lip, holding back a smile. “He looked so gorgeous in that tux. And I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. And when it really hit me, that he was  _ Louis Tomlinson _ , in the flesh, all I could think is that you were an idiot for letting him go. From the first date, he was funny and witty, but kind and passionate. And We shared mutual goals and dreams, we understood the stressful lives of each other but we also knew how to help each other through the heartbreak that you caused us.” He said, before glancing to meet Louis’ eyes. “And I fell madly in love with him. I won’t apologize for that. After what you did, you had no say in the matter, no claim on him.”

Harry took that in, reaching for the bottle of rum and pouring himself a shot. “Asked and answered,” He said, pretending to toast before taking his shot. 

Tom gestured for Louis to go ahead, and for his life, he wondered why Tom didn’t have a list. But he didn’t allow himself to get too distracted over it, heart fuzzy reminiscing about when he’d first seen Tom.

They asked their final questions, the hard ones. Louis asked why Harry never proposed, and Harry explained that while Louis was ready for marriage, Harry hadn’t been, and still wasn't. That the idea of committing to one person for  _ forever _ scared him to death, even to this day. Harry asked Louis how he’d been so quick to find other lovers after Harry, because there were a multitude of publicly-known one night stands and flings, way before Tom. Louis coyly replied that he wanted Harry to hurt like he’d been hurting, wanted him to know he was fucking guys all around the world who weren’t him. 

And finally, Louis saved the best for last. Well, more the most likely to start a fight for last.

Harry’s list was all gone, and they were all tired and ready to turn in. “I just have one last question,” Louis explained. “One last thing, that I’ve wanted to know..”

Harry nodded. He looked physically drained, but Louis figured anyone would after having to answer for all of your wrongs in one night. Sadly though, Louis wasn't even upset with him, really. Most of Harry’s answers made complete sense when Louis took the time to think about them. 

“Why did you cheat on me?” Louis finally asked, a freshly lit cigarette in his fingers. “After all the trips around the world, the songs written, the moments we shared… Why didn’t you just end it? Why couldn’t you have-”

“Hey,” Harry interjected. “This is an impassioned speech if I’ve ever seen one, T.”

Tom shrugged. “He’s my husband, he can get away with it.”

Louis thought it was sweet but truly was too impassioned to voice it. “Why couldn’t you have saved me my dignity? Why did you have to betray me and make me lose hope in absolutely everything you ever said?”

Harry sighed softly. His hands covering his face, this must have been the question he was waiting for all night. “Because - I didn’t know how to handle it back then; knowing that one person wasn't enough for me. I just assumed I was some asshole who would cheat because no matter how perfect you were to me, I could feel myself falling in love with other people’s souls. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you doubt yourself or all the wonderful,  _ true _ , things I said to you during our relationship. But I’m just - not monogamous. I don’t think I ever have been. I see beauty in people and souls and bodies and flesh. And I feel like I can love so freely that I can’t limit it to one person, and I didn’t know how to deal with that back then. But I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

And - that was not the answer Louis was expecting.

All these years, he’d been consumed with the idea that Harry didn’t find him to be  _ enough _ , that Harry felt he needed someone with more substance or someone who understood him better or anything like that. Louis had always thought of himself to be the problem, to be the one who was less-than, sub-par, below average. But now - it wasn't the case. Harry just - loved people differently than Louis did. He had been okay.

“And it kills me, that I hurt you. I never wanted to do that, you were my boobear, my first love.” Harry continued, voice soft. “And I don’t know. I just - in my mind, I felt like I was too fucked up for someone as perfect as you. I guess that’s all I can say.”

Louis closed his eyes. His mind was racing because he had the answers to the questions that had haunted him for years. And he felt okay. He was still breathing. He felt like - like he could truly move on.

“I just have one question,” Tom said, finally.

He’d commanded both of their attention with those words. He’d been almost silent the entire night, except when he’d have to step in and referee the conversation. But he had the floor now, both Louis and Harry staying silent. 

“Harry - why did you think it was okay to cheat with me?” He asked.

Louis looked at Harry, and he seemed confused. Louis knew, though, because it was the one thing that had haunted Tom for a long time.

“You - were dealing with your demons. Trying to figure out how to deal with being non-monogamous. I understand that. And I can really feel for you - it must have been truly difficult to try and find yourself in this world when you felt like no one would understand it. But - why would you subject me to that? Drag me right down with you? I felt dirty and used for so long. Like a cheap whore, because I really liked you, and you were just trying to experience what it was like to be fucking two people at once. I saw myself with you, saw myself falling for you. I’d made sure you were single because I  _ am _ monogamous. Because I respect the boundaries of a relationship. And you took my clean parts, my integrity, and you dragged it through the mud.”

“I,” Harry stammered, sobering up within seconds of Tom’s words. “I never realized how it would have affected you.” He said lamely.

“It affected me a lot. Made me doubt the trust in all my relationships, friendships. Made me doubt my own character. When I first walked up to Louis - instead of being able to flirt and ask him out for a drink, I had to apologize. And explain that I didn’t know. And when I asked him out, I made some joke that he could write a song about me, because even though he seemed amazing, who knew if he was using me or not, like you were.”

“Tom, I never meant to hurt you - I’m  _ so _ sorry.” Harry’s face was white. “It really didn’t cross my mind, I was so focused on myself... I-” And Louis really didn’t expect the next words that came out of Harry’s mouth. “Thomas, can I kiss you?”

Louis looked at Tom, and Tom looked at him. Louis shrugged, because well… He was a few shots in, and they’d all kissed each other before anyways, so what was the point?

Tom nodded, and before he could blink, Harry was getting out of his chair. Slowly moving so that he was next to Tom, and Tom was looking straight at him. 

“I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?” He asked

Tom nodded slowly and closed his eyes. Louis watched the way Harry leaned in, kissing Tom gently, his hands cupping Tom’s cheeks. He kissed him like it was the only way he knew how to apologize for the years of emotional torture he’d put him through. Kissed him softly and slowly, like Tom was delicate and broken. And Tom kissed him back, making Louis’ breath hitch. It was a weird feeling - watching them both kiss each other in ways they’d both kissed him before. Knowing how it felt to feel Harry’s plush lips against his own as his thumb stroked his cheek, or how Tom knew how to add the perfect amount of tongue into a kiss...

It was like he was feeling the whole thing, his eyes glued to where his husband’s lips were meeting his ex-lovers. 

Harry pulled away after a minute or so, his thumb running over Tom’s lower lip delicately as he moved to sit back down. 

Tom looked sated, like somehow, that was exactly what he needed to feel better. He looked over at Louis, licking over his own lips. “D’you want to kiss him?” Was all he asked.

Louis looked between them, found himself nodding before he could even say it out loud. 

Harry motioned him over, patting on his lap. “C’mon, then. I know you love a good snog on my lap, hm?”

And that - felt so personal? Like it wasn't something Harry should be saying out in the open in front of Louis’ husband… Who Harry had just kissed, right in front of him. And who knew of his affinity for lap kisses better than anyone. But nonetheless, he found himself getting up, putting out his cigarette, and walking over to him. He could feel Tom’s eyes on him with every step he took, as he climbed his way onto Harry’s lap, slotting in perfectly like there hadn’t been years since he’d sat there last.

He kissed Harry first, a hand tangling up into his curls and holding on as if it would stop Harry from slipping away as he had so many years ago. Harry didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, nipping at his lips like he knew Louis loved, his hands pawing at his ass like it was his and not Tom’s. They kissed like strangers even though they knew every single part of each other better than they knew themselves. Louis pulled away soon after, just because he knew it would go much further than he intended if he didn’t.

Harry looked at him like he was the actual sun, Louis could feel himself brightening under his thoughtful gaze. But he could feel Thomas’ gaze coming from the side, and that was a gaze that meant a lot more to him now. So he got off of Harry and moved to Tom, setting across his lap and tucking his head in his neck, looking for safety, feeling like he’d made himself so vulnerable to Harry yet again. 

“Think it’s about time we turn in?” Tom offered, rubbing Louis’ back just the way he liked it. 

Harry nodded and said a quiet goodnight, before heading inside and upstairs. Thomas and Louis didn’t say another word, before heading upstairs, hand in hand, and settling down to sleep. 

✭✭✭

_ Saturdays are for sleeping _ , Louis had told him, serious as death.  _ And I know that I already said yes, but I will revoke that yes if you even try to wake me before noon on a Saturday. Non-negotiable. _ It was a safe rule to stick by, and Tom was such a good husband that he didn’t even usually try to wake him until closer to 1. Tom himself was an early riser, though. Up not long after dawn, usually. He had a physique to keep up for his roles, so he usually exercised in the mornings, before making breakfast and catching up on his talk shows. It was a Saturday, so he had a little extra time to himself. He’d swam a few laps, taken a jog on the beach, and even given a good hour in the gym in the basement. He took a shower downstairs, as to not wake Louis, before pulling his boxers on and heading into the kitchen. 

It was still early, maybe half eight, so he was a bit surprised to see Harry there, dressed similarly to himself, searching through the cabinets. “I didn’t expect anyone to be awake,” He said as if to justify his lack of clothing, cheeks pink. He couldn’t help but stare at Harry for a moment, noticing all the tattoos that littered his body, at least twice as many that were there during their short stint of a relationship. 

Harry laughed, and Tom found himself relaxing a little because of it. “You’re acting like you’re naked or something, T, shut the fuck up.” 

Thomas didn’t understand how Harry was so collected and cool after yesterday. He knew he’d had a few shots, but he was sure he didn’t make that up. But he laughed, shrugging. “I guess you’re right,” He hummed, before pushing himself up to sit on the counter. “What are you doing awake?”

Harry shrugged. “Same as you, a bit of an early riser.” He smiled. “From what I remember, though, you rise quite a bit earlier than me. I’m thinking parfaits for breakfast? I found the most delicious, fresh fruit at the farmer’s market yesterday.”

“Sounds good, especially since L won’t be up for a while.” He smiled a bit. He tried not to let the fact that Harry still knew him so well affect him. And it was rare that his breakfast was made for him, save the tradition of birthday waffles that Louis had mastered over the years.  

Harry seemed excited by that, getting to work on chopping up all kinds of fruits, getting some granolas and nuts out of the pantry. “Don’t I know.” He sighed, smiling. “Picked up some muffins and some donuts just in case he decided to show his face sooner than expected. It’s nice to have someone who’ll eat healthier things, though. It’s nice to have someone to cook for, in general.”

Tom understood that. “I know. I get so lonely when Louis is gone.” He said softly. It wasn't lost on him that this trip - this experiment between Harry and Louis - was the reason he got more days with him. They’d been on track to only see each other for 5 days until his own birthday (April 17) due to his upcoming movie shoot and Louis’ final leg of the tour, and then he’d be off for some sort of promotional junket. “Maybe marriage has softened me up.” He said, with a soft smile on his face. He looked at his wedding band and twirled it on his finger. “But, I really feel like half of me is gone when he’s a thousand miles away.”

Harry seemed to be thinking through that, nodding thoughtfully. “I can see how that would happen... I mean, you two are like two pieces of the same soul.” 

“I think so,” He smiled. Tom didn’t want to make things awkward. He felt like finally, the three of them were on the same page (what page that was, Tom didn’t know. But he was pretty sure they were all confused together), He watched as Harry went into the fridge, grabbing some yogurt and some other toppings. “You’ve always been such a good cook. And so thoughtful,” He said. He couldn’t help but look at the way Harry’s tattoos littered his arms and his chest.

As always, Harry preened under the compliment. “Thank you.” He smiled brightly. “You two should come over for dinner sometime. I know it’s hard to find the time, with all our schedules. But it would be nice. I make an amazing roast and mash,” He handed Tom a bowl, something looking like a professionally made acai bowl. “I know you like pumpkin seeds, so I put a few extra on for you.” He smiled.

It was Tom’s turn to blush now. “How’d you remember that?”

“Some things just stick with me, I guess.” He smiled, taking a bite of his own. Tom watched his Adam’s apple as he chewed and swallowed before he licked his lips. “I thought it was so cute. Anything pumpkin seeds, you were just obsessed.”

He shrugged a bit, smiling as he took a bite. “Still am.” He said honestly.

“Some things just stick, hm?

Tom smiled and patted his shoulder. “Some do.” He agreed, before setting his bowl down and jumping off the countertop. “Let me make us some cuppas, and we can watch some Ellen reruns. Two sugar and milk, right?”

Harry’s nose crinkled as he smiled, nodding. “How’d you remember?”

“Some things just stick.”

✭

When Louis woke up, Tom and Harry were sitting beside each other on the couch. Thighs touching and bowls and mugs abandoned on the coffee table. A rerun of Ellen was on the telly, and they were just chatting and smiling. Tom held his arms out for Louis, smiling as he crawled up on the couch and into his arms.

“You’re awfully snuggly this morning,” He noted, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Louis just grumbled something Tom didn’t understand. “Probably because it’s only quarter to 11.” He noted, but wrapped his arms around him.

Harry reached a hand over and smiled, ruffling Louis’ hair. “Want some brekkie?”

It was so sweet of Harry to ask, that Tom couldn’t help but smile. “Mm. I’m pretty sure Harry got you some muffins,” he tempted. “Maybe that’ll wake you up a bit, so we can get ready for the day?”

Louis nodded, and Harry was off the couch just seconds later. He took the bowls and mugs with him, leaving the two on the couch. Tom pulled Louis closer, smiling and stroking his hair. “You awake at all?” He mused

Louis nodded. He blinked a few times, and damn, one look in his eyes and Tom’s heart was doing backflips. “You guys left me out,” He said with a pout. 

“Of what?” Tom asked, carding his fingers through Louis’ hair. 

Louis’ brows were furrowed as he pouted. “The pants-only party on the couch.”

And for a second, Thomas wondered if Louis was mad at him over it. And suddenly it did seem odd, him and Harry, half dressed and lounging around, especially after last night. But it hadn’t been like that, so he wasn't going to make it something it wasn't. And plus, Louis had to know that Tom would  _ never _ , without Louis’ explicit permission. “You know, it was in our vows that I wouldn’t ever disturb you before noon on a Saturday. I’m just trying to be a good husband.” He did mention, lacing Louis’ fingers in his own.

That made Louis smile more. “You’re the  _ best _ husband I’ve ever had,” He complimented.

Tom snorted a bit. “I’m the only husband you’ve ever had. Now eat your breakfast.” He smiled, patting Louis’ bum before placing him down on the couch beside him. 

Louis went with it easily, once Harry handed him a plate and a steaming mug, and they unpaused the show. 

✭✭✭

It had started with Harry asking a simple question, and somehow, it had resulted in Thomas sitting, looking at the piano.

“There are two highly qualified musicians in this room, and I am neither,” He reminded, looking back at Harry and Louis. “So why am I the one sat at the piano?”

Louis just looked rather pleased with himself, and if he wasn't as nervous as he was, he’d tell him to wipe the smirk off his face. But Harry seemed intrigued, and that was something that Tom hadn’t seen from him in a long time. Tom was closer with Harry than Louis was, if you were splitting hairs. They’d get tea occasionally, if Harry was in town and if Tom had a few spare minutes from whatever movie he was working on. It was casual. Some quick pleasantries, small talk, really, and they’d be off. When you’d known someone as long as he’d known Harry, there wasn't really any choice in the matter. At some level, they had to be friends because that was what the media and fans expected of them. At another level, they had to be friends because… they had to. Thoughts of them tended to spill into his mind rather than drip, the few times they came. And he felt like he was about to drown in them until his own personal ray of sunshine pulled him out of it.

“Thomas. You’ve kept Hazza in suspense long enough, play it for him.” He encouraged. 

“Neither of you has had to sing yet,” He said, looking at Louis, but his hands were sitting gently on the keys nonetheless.

“We sing all the time,” Harry deadpanned, “So go on, already.”

Tom sighed, his hands shaking a bit. He played for Louis, rarely, but music wasn't his God-given talent. “I hate you both,” He sighed, before starting to play. It was a bit shaky at first but he took a breath and it evened out. It was off of  _ Twin Flames _ , which was something Tom didn’t like to think about much, called  _ Little Things. _ A sweet, sweet love song, that his husband wrote about the love of his life - which wasn't him. Or at least, Thomas didn’t think it was. Louis assures him all the time that Tom  _ is _ , in fact, the love of his life.

But one look at the way Louis used to look at Harry, and Tom’s doubting it all over again.

“You’ll never love yourself half as much as I love you,” He sang, his voice a bit more confident by this point in the song. “And you’ll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to. If I let you know I’m here, for you… Maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you.”

“Oh, and I’ve just let these little things slip out of my mouth,” Harry sang, slipping right into his solo. “‘Cause it’s you. It’s you, it’s you they add up to - and I’m in love with you, and all your little things.”

And then, Louis was harmonizing right along through the end of the song. And it was miraculous and beautiful, the way it always was when Harry and Louis sang together. His hands came off the keys, resting on his lap. He didn’t turn around, because he didn’t want to see what was happening. He trusted Louis with everything inside him, but tradition was tradition. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if you would like me to continue this work! I haven't gotten any feedback on the last chapter so I don't know if this is worth continuing for you guys. Let me know!
> 
> xx m


	5. four - because if this is it, then at least we could end it right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song:  
> love you goodbye - one direction

They were still tip-toeing around each other, Louis realized a few minutes before lunchtime, but not in the way it had been before. Yesterday, before _everything_ , it had been more cautious, guarded tiptoeing, skeptical and unsure. Today it’s full of rosy cheeks and soft smiles, shared looks and laughs, lingering touches on skin and all.

He’s confused, really.

He knows that they both kissed Harry at some point last night. Is sure that that happened. In the moment, for some reason, it felt like the right thing to do. Like the _only_ thing to do. Like it was Harry’s way of trying to mend the people he’d only just begun to realize he’d hurt so badly. Which - it happened. Okay. And Louis was prepared for his own response, cautious skepticism.

He wasn't really prepared for Thomas’ response though.

Tom reminded Louis of how he was when they were first dating, trying so hard to be perfect, polite, funny… Everything that he naturally was, that he didn’t have to force. But he was so nervous, it seemed, that he felt the need to push it, lather it on a little extra.

Harry had gone upstairs not too long ago, to meditate or shower or something along those lines. And Tom was laying in the v of his legs, his back against Louis’ chest, watching 2013 Ellen giving away Christmas presents to her studio audience (because those episodes were his _favorite_ , Louis already knew) and for the first time in a while, everything felt okay between the two of them.

Not that things had been bad - it was rare that things were ever bad between the two of them. It was just that Louis had been away for so long, and for his one week vacation a few months ago, Thomas had been in Australia, shooting some sequel to Baywatch, leaving him at home all alone. And they had spent so little time together that it was hard to remember how it was when they _were_ together, for Louis at least. Tom seemed to be better at compartmentalizing it all, probably because he was in their _home_ much more than Louis got the luxury. So, it had been a combination of them being away from each other for so long consistently and the fact that this whole Harry thing had gotten thrown in when they _did_ get to see each other. And for now, that was somewhat sorted, all of them feeling somewhat okay, and they were together here and now, and Louis hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

But,

Tom had kissed Harry last night. He had too, of course, but… Tom kissed Harry. And it never really occurred to Louis before now that Tom had seen him and Harry kiss before. He’d been a fan for a while, if Louis remembered correctly, been to a concert or two. He’d seen the way they kissed, two beings temporarily becoming one. But watching Tom kiss Harry? Was a completely new thing for him.

He was okay with it when it happened last night. Of course, he was, and he was confident that Thomas wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t been because they respected each other so much. He let his hand find Thomas’, tangling their fingers together tightly. He was okay with it, specifically because Tom _wasn't Harry_ , he kept reminding himself. Tom was loyal, loving, committed, and honest.

“Can we talk about last night?” He found himself asking, looking down at him. Because no matter how loving, committed, honest, or loyal, if Louis was feeling some sort of way - they always talked it out. It’s how their relationship was so good.

Tom nodded, grabbing the remote off of the table and pausing it, turning to face Louis. “Sure, babe. What about?” He asked.

They both looked at each other and laughed a bit, any tension between them completely crumbling. Because they both knew _exactly_ what about, and if Louis didn’t know any better, he’d think Tom was probably waiting for the right time to bring it up himself.

He ran a hand through his hair, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Right. I just, want to make sure we’re good. Talk about it a little?”

Thomas nodded, smiling, grabbing Louis’ hands again in his own. And Louis could tell from the smile on his face that Tom was proud of him. Being this open hadn’t always been easy for him, and Tom knew that. Praised him daily for how much better he’d gotten. “Yeah, of course.” Tom started. “I mean, I’d had a few too many shots,” He admitted. “Last night - hearing you two talk so intimately, it was a bit hard for me.”

Louis wasn't surprised by that, just nodded, letting him continue.

“I think that kissing him, it just brought back a lot of feelings for me - it brought back the part of me that he didn’t ruin, in a way,” He tried to explain. “Like - it made me feel fearless, having never been hurt before. Clean, in a way. It’s really hard to describe,” He admitted. “I don’t know. You know, L, I’ve always been confused by how I felt about Harry.

(That much was true. After everything had happened, Tom constantly was going back and forth on what to do with himself. How to forgive Harry, if Harry even needed to be forgiven. And even though he’d been crushed and upset, even months after, some part of him still felt free when he thought back to being with Harry. He’d tell Louis how it was hard to put a name on because Harry had taught him how to feel sexy and important in a world where everyone already assumed he felt that way.)

“Are you attracted to him?” Louis asked gently.

Tom shook his head, smiling. “Nah. He’s not you,” Tom pointed out. “And I only ever want you. I just think that Harry brings out this side of me that I don’t get to feel very much…”

Louis knew what he meant. “Yeah, I get that,” He said, squeezing his hands once. “I don’t really know how to explain how I feel. Like. I hate him. And I’ll always have a part of me that loves him. And for so long, I’d always been on like, one side of the spectrum. I loved him with everything I had, and after it all went down, I hated him with everything inside me. And now - I’m somewhere in the middle. Like, I hate what he did, but I love who he is. And it’s confusing as fuck,” He admitted, with a sad laugh.

“Are _you_ attracted to him?” Tom asked, not judging Louis one bit.

“No,” he said, smiling. “I’m quite into blue eyes nowadays, instead of green,” He smirked, his hand moving to stroke Tom’s temple. “I think - it’s just new, to live in a world where he doesn’t control my emotions like the moon controls the tide,” He tried. “A world where we could stand in the same room, and I could feel nothing at all, in a _good_ way.”

Tom smiled, leaning in to give him a soft kiss. “I just - I’m so happy for you, Louis,” He said honestly, smiling brightly in front of him, and Louis was so in love with him. Here Tom was, messy haired and shirtless, looking more relaxed and tan than Louis had seen him since their honeymoon, looking so endeared and happy, because for once in the time they’d been together, Louis was rid of some of the anger in his heart. “You just - you’re so deserving of love. And I love you so much. I’m just glad that he’s not hardening your heart anymore.” He explained because Tom could sense a difference in his husband even today. “But, how did you feel, about his answer? As to why...?”

Louis shrugged, because that was something he was still processing, something he’d laid awake thinking about last night. “I think… That everything happens for a reason because if he had said that to me when it all happened, I don’t think I would have understood. I think it would have made me angry, how utterly insensitive it was. And I think I wouldn’t have understood that it wasn't that I didn’t have enough love for him, but that he couldn’t give all his love to me.”

“I mean,” Tom agreed, shrugging a bit, “When you think about it, and how H is, it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“It does,” Louis agreed, “Too charming for his own good. I mean, I don’t quite _understand_ it, because I don’t think I could ever be non-monogamous, but I can see why he is.”

Tom smiled, pressing a kiss to Louis’ lips. Slow and sweet, taking his time, because there was no reason to rush right now. He pulled away after a few moments, smiling. “Love you, Lous,” He smiled. “And I’m so glad that you’re mine.”

✭✭✭

It was Thomas’ turn to make dinner tonight, considering Harry had done most of the cooking since they’d arrived, and surely Louis wouldn’t be contributing anything delicious. He decided to make an old family recipe, his mom’s famous roasted chicken and vegetables. He allowed himself to relax a bit, getting into the zone as he chopped everything up into even pieces.

He could hear Louis in the other room - for a while, he’d been playing FIFA, but now he was tinkering away on his guitar. Tom didn’t know how he did it - it was like every single day, Louis was writing a new song, producing someone’s track, or singing on an album, in addition to any tour or press junket he was on. He was so hard working, it just made Thomas so proud when he actually thought about it.

As he was getting the veggies settled in the baking pan, Harry came in through the patio doors. Tom gave a smile, and Harry returned it, but didn’t even stop to say hello before he was crossing the room, headed towards wherever the music was coming from, an excited, “Lou, you’ve gotta hear this!” on his lips.

✭

“Okay, okay. I know this sounds crazy, but I heard those chords you were playing from where I was sat on my hammock, and I had this _vision_ of sorts.” Harry was breathless, trying to explain. “I can like, _see_ it.”

Louis wasn't sure he was following. He let his fingers continue to pick at the strings slowly. “Okay. What do you see?”

“The night you left me - the, fucking hell, the way you _looked at me_ , like you just knew what you were about to do would shatter me into a tiny, million little pieces.”

He raised an unimpressed brow. “Actually, you’re the one who left me. I said I wouldn’t continue to date a cheater, and you were _supposed_ to tell me you’d stop and change. But, semantics.” He dismissed. “Continue. So, we’re talking about the hotel in Montreal, then? With the bar that was made of gold and had the best cocktails ever?”

“ _Yes,_ that’s the one. I uh - always pictured that night ending differently than it did.. Always wanted to write a song about it but never could find the words…” He tried.

“Funny,” Louis mused. “Because I’ve already written this song I’m playing, and that night is exactly what it’s about.”

Because the song sounded as elegant as the bar looked, the strings pulled the way Louis’ heart did right before it broke. It was the night after their final concert, the news that Louis had dissolved his contract with Syco something that Harry didn’t know yet. Because even if he had apologized, he couldn’t breathe around Harry anymore. Couldn’t deal with the fact that things would never be the same between them.

“The way you look, I know you didn’t come to apologize…” He sang slowly. “Oh, why you’re wearing that to walk out of my life?” He sang, licking his lips, remembering the look in Harry’s eyes that night. “Oh, and even if it’s over you should stay the night…”

He’d come to the bar for a final nightcap, invited out by Harry himself. Harry didn’t exactly know how much Louis knew, of a boy named Thomas who’d been blowing up Harry’s phone. How Louis put the pieces together faster than he would’ve liked to. A quick Google search had shown him that it was Thomas Avery, budding movie star, and the apple of his boyfriend’s eye. He was done, thoroughly, he remembers. But he needed to see Harry again, one last time. “One more taste of your lips, just to bring me back to the places we’ve been, and the nights we’ve had… Because if this is it, then at least we can end it right.”

He couldn’t help but meet Harry’s eyes, plucking a few more chords, setting his guitar aside. Harry looked hurt in a way that was unfair. After all the damage he’d done, he had no right to be upset.

“So it’s true… You really did show up to just fuck me, then go catch your flight?” He asked, not mad, just in disbelief.

Louis shrugged. “I mean, yeah. Things were long over between us.”

Harry nodded. He looked like he had more he wanted to say but was holding back, and Louis wasn't going to ask him to speak up.

“I was going to put it on _Tommo_ , but everyone told me that people would think I was a whore,” he couldn’t help but chuckle. “So I saved it. I figured that, if this thing really works and we get the band back together, that this song could be on an album.”

Harry nodded weakly. “So, you have a lot of songs about it?” He asked, and Louis tilted his head. “The breakup.” He clarified.

“I do,” He admitted. “I mean, some are a bit more plain to understand, like _Miss You,_ and _Just Hold On_ , but yes, there are others.” He said. Harry was frowning, and honestly, Louis didn’t know why. “Harry, you were my first love, and we dated for years. I thought I was going to marry you. When things ended; when you never called after I left, it broke me. And writing was the only way I ever managed to fix myself.”

Harry didn’t respond to that. “You don’t think they’ll call you a whore, just because it’s been a few years?” He teased.

Louis rolled his eyes. “No, they won’t call me a whore because I’ll be singing it with _you_.”

✭✭✭

Dinner was quiet, all of them starving from a lazy day inside the house. They ate quietly after Harry and Louis both complemented Thomas on his cooking, Louis adding a kiss to his lips.

“Y’know, T, before I head to Oz, we should go see your mum,” He said, smiling. “Miss her.” He mentioned to Tom, squeezing his hand where he was holding it on top of the table.

Tom couldn’t help but smile at that. “She would love that,” He said honestly. “She loves you so much, and she’s always a bit disappointed when I come to see her without you.”

“Oh, she’s such a charmer,” Louis beamed. “Her and my mom would’ve gotten on so well,” He said and smiled. “They’re like, soul sisters or something.”

Tom smiled and kissed his cheek, returning to eating his food. Harry was just kind of poking at his food, though, so Thomas felt compelled to include him in the conversation. “What are your plans when we get back, Harry?”

Harry shrugged a bit, stretching his arms out as he considered. “I have a few writer’s rooms I’ll be attending, an interview sprinkled in here and there, and that’s really it this month,” He said honestly. “It’s been slow, in between albums and whatnot.”

Tom nodded, giving a soft smile. “It must be nice to have some downtime though,” He tried to show a positive.

Harry nodded. “It is, but if I’m being honest, I won’t hate it when I’m busy again, if we get the band back together.”

That was a decision for another day, though, so Tom just smiled and kept eating his food.

✭✭✭

They only had a few days left in Barbados, Louis realized.

After their meeting on the deck, their days had been filled with surfing, daytime TV show binging, cooking lessons, beers, and margaritas, napping in hammocks, lighting up a joint at night, and sandy makeout sessions with Tom. He was thoroughly enjoying every single second of time he got with his husband because he knew it would be a long time until he got him like this again, relaxed and smelling like the ocean.

They’d all been sitting around the living room table, cross-legged, playing card games. Tom had since fallen asleep against Louis’ shoulder, as usual. Louis couldn’t help but smile and kiss his head, not even caring if his hairline had some sand in it. They could shower tomorrow.

Harry stretched, tossing his cards onto the table. “Pretty good game, Tommo. You used to be shit at Rummy,” He remembered, smiling.

“T’s mom is in some Rummy league, has taught me all the tricks of the trade.” He smiled, tossing his cards in, also.

He watched Harry begin to pick them up, his fingers gently facing them all the right way as he stacked them up, sliding the pile back into the box they came in.

“So,” Louis said, looking at him. “Have you thought about the deal, with Simon?”

Harry nodded, his hands finding their way to his lap, knitting themselves together. “Yeah, I have.” He said, looking at Louis in the eyes. “I mean - I think that we could do this, for certain. May have to be a bit patient with each other, but I think that honestly, we were meant to make music together,” He said honestly.

Louis nodded, because really, even though his career was flourishing - he knew some of the best music he’d ever made was with Harry. “It’ll be different,” He warned, looking at him. “You know? Not like last time. There’ll be boundaries, rules, to keep us both safe and happy.”

“I get that,” Harry said, moving a bit closer. “I think that this thing, could really fucking work for the three of us,” He said and smiled.

Louis smiled a bit more himself. “Yeah, T and I are really hoping so.”

Harry smiled, lip bitten a bit as he looked at Louis. It was a look Louis was familiar with - the same eyes and dopey, smiley face Harry would make before he leaned in to kiss him.

He didn’t try anything though, just smiled, and Louis didn’t have the heart to call him out on it.

✭✭✭

“Thank you, everyone, for a successful dress rehearsal for this year’s BBMA’s! Enjoy this lovely cocktail party, catered by Gordon Ramsay’s Union Street Cafe, and please direct any questions to our stage manager, Allison.”

Everyone clapped, and Tom was so glad that he could finally get something to eat because he was starving. He’d been in this dress rehearsal all day because apparently only boy banders who were currently on tour were allowed to miss.

He’d been told just this morning that he’d been paired to present with Louis Tomlinson, and honestly, he’d lost all the cool he usually had Tom was a fun guy, easy going and nice... But Louis Tomlinson was someone that he’d honestly hoped he’d go his whole life without meeting. He’d been a bit relieved when Louis had been announced as absent, filling in both of their lines easily, ad-libbing a bit to even make everyone laugh at the dress rehearsal. He was an actor, after all. This was kinda his thing.

He went up to the bartender, flashing his signature smile as he leaned against the bar. “Margarita on the rocks, no salt.” He said, throwing a few bucks in the guys' tip jar. He smiled and thanked him for the drink, walking away in the middle of the guy’s attempt to flirt with him. Because he was cute, but he looked barely legal enough to be serving drinks, and Tom was all of 23. He was past the age of looking for barely-legal guys to fuck in the toilets.

He sipped his margarita as he walked away, freezing a bit. There was some commotion by the door, cameras flashing and people excitedly screaming greetings from all over the room. Tom could tell who it was without having to see him. Louis Tomlinson was the only person who could command a room like that, besides Beyonce.

The people parted like the Red Sea, and Thomas made eye contact with him. And fuck, Louis was more fit in person, his black jeans ripped down his legs, a white t-shirt on his body that was see-through enough that Tom could spot the outline of his tattoos from here, and a blazer to pull the entire look together. His hair was tousled by the wind, but it just added to the effect: transcontinental superstar chic.

If the stage manager had been correct, Louis had been delayed on a flight from Australia that was supposed to have arrived this morning. And damn, Tom certainly didn’t look that good after a seventeen-hour flight. But Louis had come accustomed to it, he supposed. Because here he was, taking Tom’s breath away from across the room, with a simple smile on his lips.

And he was coming this way.

Tom was frozen, thinking of the countless wet dreams he’d had that started like this, as Louis crossed the room. He gave a wave, catching the bartender’s attention. He licked his lips and smirked at him. “Hey, cutie. Jack and coke. Double lime.”

He didn’t make it to the bar though, instead, coming right over to Tom.

“Thomas Avery?” He asked, smiling. “Just kidding. I know who you are. I’ve seen your version of _Batman_ at least eighteen times, my manager and tour manager are _obsessed_.” He smiled brightly, taking a few steps away, grabbing his drink off the bar. He squeezed his limes in, tossing the juiced fruit back to the bartender with a wink. Cheeky. “So sorry I wasn't here this morning. Though, I’ve heard that you’re a brilliant cover.” He complimented.

He was the kind of confident that Thomas wasn't. It was so sexy. “Why, thank you.” He smiled, taking a sip of his own drink, before licking over his lips slowly. “I - listen, I just want you to know… I had no idea that you two, you and Harry, were still together.” He said softly. This wasn't the time or place for this conversation, but Thomas was raised right, with manners. He didn’t want Louis to think poorly of him.

Louis shrugged, looking strong and in control all at once. “Honestly, T. It’s okay. You’re not responsible for Harry’s sins.”

Tom loved the way Louis sounded, shortening his name like that. “Well, since you’re here,” Tom said, deciding to change the subject, “Would you like the best tour to see the stage and everything you missed?”

Louis smirked, taking Tom’s hand in his own. “Lead the way, baby.”

✭✭✭

Laid out on the beach, Louis couldn’t think of anything closer to heaven than this.

He was relaxed in the way that only some sun and sand can make you, his skin warm from the sun and his hair breezy and unstyled from a morning out surfing. Tom had come out to work out on the beach, but easily got distracted when he saw Louis lounging and working on his tan. So here they were, laying on Tom’s yoga mat, letting the sun hit their skin as they kissed. And Louis - was just so overwhelmed sometimes, by how amazing Thomas was and how lucky he was to have someone that he loved so much that loved _him_ so much.

Tom’s fingers knotted in his hair as their lips worked together, lazily, knowing that for now, they didn’t need to rush; that there were no obligations looming or people waiting for them. Louis let himself take a handful of Tom’s ass, sighing happily against his lips as the kiss deepened. Thomas seemed to be getting impatient though, straddling Louis’ waist as he sat up, pulling the thin tank top he had off his body and over his head. He tossed it aside, before leaning in for another kiss.

Louis let his hands run up and down his sides, admiring his toned and tan body. He was tattoo-less because Louis hadn’t been able to convince him to get one ( _yet)_ , but he was everything that Louis ever wanted, really. And with Thomas, staring back into his blue eyes, he felt like he was enough for Tom, too. It was a good feeling - one he hadn’t had in relationships before. That he was enough, the whole package - more than was desired.

Tom was kissing him, and he couldn’t help but giggle, as the edges of his fringe tickled at his face. Tom was in rare form this week, letting his beard grow in and going without his weekly haircut.. And Louis couldn’t get enough of him. “I love you so, so much, T. He whispered against his lips.

Thomas was smiling brightly back at him, letting his hand stroke down Louis’ cheek lovingly. “I love you too, Lous.”

He pulled Tom back down for another kiss, picking up right where they left off. Quick and getting increasingly dirty, just the way they liked it. Louis let a hand snake into the back of Tom’s shorts, cupping his ass, as his other hand held his waist. Tom was gasping and beautiful above him, until his body tensed a bit.

Louis pulled back a little bit, pushing his sunglasses off of his face and back into his hair. “Okay?” He asked, whispering against his lips.

And before Tom could even respond, he noticed why he’d tensed. There Harry was, setting out his towel less than two feet away, his moth and birds in full show. Louis couldn’t help but groan, pulling his hand out from Tom’s pants. Apparently, beach sex wasn't getting crossed off their to-do list today.

“Hi, Harry,” He couldn’t help but sound annoyed. “What happened to hot yoga?” He asked, because that was the nicest way he could think to say _why the fuck are you here?_

Harry shrugged, pushing his sunglasses onto his face. “Class got cancelled. Apparently, the locals are catching on that I’m here and they swarmed the studio.” He said, sounding a touch annoyed but nothing too much.

Tom collapsed onto Louis’ chest, huffing in annoyance.

“Did I interrupt something?” Harry asked, opening up the book he’d been reading and looking down at it. “Don’t mind me, continue on.”

Tom gave Louis an incredulous look, and Louis just shook his head. He knew what Harry got off on, and he was probably hoping they’d start up again.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Tom grumbled, getting up and grabbing his shirt, using it to try to conceal his boner as he headed inside.

Louis couldn’t help but laugh, because really, interrupted orgasms were the only thing Tom consistently got upset about. Otherwise, he was so calm and sweet. It was always amusing to see another side of him.

Harry looked up from his book, watching as Thomas walked away. “What’s crawled up his asshole?”

Louis couldn’t help but snicker. “Oh, literally nothing.”

✭✭✭

Harry had been very busy working on his first solo album, which he’d decided would be self-titled. He’d spent three weeks in Jamaica writing the whole thing, and another four in LA, recording the album and finishing off the tracklist selection. And even though the whole album was about him, it was pretty rare that Louis crossed his mind these days.

Because - it was just clear that they wanted different things. Because Harry felt so fucked up, like damaged goods, that there was no fixing things between them. Louis had seduced him in a bar (if it was possible to be genuinely seduced by your boyfriend), and left right after the deed was done. Harry didn’t think much of it, really, until a few days later. He was served papers that Louis had dissolved his contract to be a member of One Direction, buying himself out for a _large_ sum of money. His reason simply being that Harry was a cheater. And that’s when he found out that Louis _knew_.

He hadn’t reached out since. Whatever they had was obviously over, because Louis hadn’t even had the nerve to confront him about it himself, instead deciding that lawyers and documents were the best way to handle it. He didn’t reach out because to him, it was clear that Louis didn’t want him to. He’d decided, instead, to bury himself in this album he’d been writing for years, songs he could never get Louis to agree to, an aesthetic that was truly who he was, instead of who his manager wanted him to be. He’d had to hire on a whole new management crew and assistant, because apparently all his former best friends and employees sided with Louis.

Sometimes, he wondered what lies Louis had told the that made them hate Harry so much. And then he remembered, that even if he knew, it wouldn’t change anything.

Today was a different story, however, because Lottie had reached out with an invite for lunch. An excuse that she was in LA to promote her new tanning products. Harry wasn't stupid, though. He and Louis had been separated for awhile now, and this was the first time any Tomlinson had reached out. So, either Lottie had gathered the nerve to kick his ass, or she was ready to tell him off, disguising it as a fancy lunch that she knew Harry couldn’t say no to.

He got there late, stopped by a mob of fans outside the restaurant. And of course, he took the time to take photos and connect with each ones. Because so it seemed, as Louis began to distance himself from Harry, so did their fans. It was rare that he was rushed in public like this.

Lottie was sitting at the table waiting for him, looking beautiful as ever. Harry loved how confident she was, rocking a bold lip, a good (fake) tan, and bleach blonde hair. But one look in her blue eyes, and all he was thinking of was Louis.

“I ordered you an iced tea and that salad with the chicken and strawberries,” she said, looking down at her manicure. This had always been their lunch spot, so he wasn't surprised that she got his order right.

“Thank you,” He said softly, licking over his lips. “How’s LA been treating you?”

She shrugged a bit, and yes, she was definitely mad. “I’m staying in the Malibu house, since he’s having the penthouse renovated. So, it’s been a decent amount of driving. But I’m having a good time, nonetheless.”

He nodded a bit, unwrapping his silverware and laying his napkin on his lap. The waiter brought out their drinks, and he sipped at his iced tea slowly.

“So,” She started, and Harry found himself holding his breath. “I just, like, want to clarify. After the shit you pulled, we aren’t friends anymore.” And fuck, that hurt more than Harry expected it to. But he’d seen it coming - Lottie was fiercely protective of Louis, after all.

Her mannerisms even reminded Harry of him.

“But you’re like a brother, whether I like it or not, you’ve been in my life for too long for me to just not tell you..” She trailed.

And honestly, it looked like she was debating if she should really say what was on her mind, if she _really_ should let Harry in on whatever secret she was holding.

“Louis’ engaged. And I’m telling you this, because I know the shit you do. You try to sweep in and save the day, in some big, romantic way..” Her hands were exaggerating what she was saying, and he couldn’t help but wince a bit.

Engaged?

Harry hadn’t been paying any mind to the tabloids or anything, but he hadn’t even known Louis was _dating_ someone. He felt his heart being ripped in half all over again.

“Who is it?” He asked, trying to keep his face straight.

Lottie sighed. “Thomas Avery, the actor from _Batman_?”

“Is he - alright?”

Lottie raised her brows. “Why does that matter to you? We all thought _you_ were alright, and then you went and cheated on my brother with some slut.”

So, Louis hadn’t told anyone that it was Thomas. Maybe, he didn’t know. Maybe, Thomas didn’t tell him. He sighed, knowing he couldn’t say much to Lottie’s words. “I - why are you telling me this, then?”

She gave him a skeptical look. “To tell you that you’ve missed your chance. He’s finally happy again. All of us adore Tom. And Louis - looks like he’s finally managed to put back together all the pieces _you_ broke.” She didn’t stop there. “So don’t call him. Don’t stand outside his door with a radio over your head. You fucked up and it’s too late.”

“I-” Harry stared, trying to gather his thoughts.

“He waited for you to call, you know. Waited for you to come rushing in, so ready to forgive you. And you never came. And you broke him.”

✭✭✭

Louis had settled back onto his towel, laying on his stomach now in an attempt to keep is tan even. It was one of his best qualities, how tan his skin got. He knew Tom loved it, too.

Harry seemed focused on his book still, which was fine. Until he wasn't.

“So,” Harry said, breaking the silence, talking over the crashing waves. “I’ve been thinking a lot, about the end.”

Louis looked at him, brows raised. “Okay?” Because really, what did Harry expect him to say?

“I should have called. I should have apologized, fuck, I should have told you. I’m just - really sorry. That we couldn’t even be friends, that I had to hear about you and T from Lotts.”

And - this wasn't how Louis expected it to feel.

He’d been dreaming of this moment for years. Especially at the beginning. He’d waited for a _real_ apology since the moment he got on that flight away from him. Remembered how crushed he’d been when he got off the plane, only to see no missed calls or texts from Harry. He’d waited for Harry to show up at their shared house, before giving up and just signing away his half of the deed to the house. He dreamed of Harry showing up and stopping him from taking his things, begging him to move back in and get back together with him. And it never happened.

After he and Tom got together, he still thought about it, but it changed. Changed to revenge, waiting for Harry to come crawling back, only for Louis to be able to kick him away and tell him he’d found himself a _real_ man who loved him. Waited for the inevitable text after he’d announced his engagement.  But the inevitable never happened.

He’d avoided Harry at every industry function he’d gone to. He made sure they didn’t run in the same circles. He’d lived his life post-breakup in an attempt to avoid Harry, but prepared for when Harry wouldn’t let him anymore. Waited for how good it would feel for Harry to admit his sins.

But now, it didn’t feel like anything.

Looking at Harry didn’t hurt like it used to, when Louis thought it would hurt for forever. His words of apology didn’t make him feel like he was flying and superior, they made him feel sorry for Harry, that he wasn't over it yet. He didn’t want to shame Harry, not anymore. He knew how mortifying it was to feel that way.

Louis shrugged a bit, giving him a small smile. “We all have regrets, Harry, if you live with them, you’ll never let yourself be happy.”

He knew his mom would be proud of him for that.

He’d always waited for his next move, prepared carefully planned revenge that was never delivered. But now... He just wanted it to be done. A clean slate between the two of them.

"That's -" Harry seemed surprised. "Not what I was expecting you to say at all, honestly."

"I mean, I could be petty and rude, but it's been years, and I'm in love with someone else now," he said, not unkindly. "You know? And plus, if I couldn't forgive you, how would we ever be able to tour together again?"

He smirked as Harry's eyes lit up. "You're saying yes?" He asked, as if to confirm before getting too excited. 

"I'm saying yes, Styles." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this chapter was a little slow, but it needed to happen to set the scene for the next half of the story! comment if you would like this to keep going!! loving all of your questions, feedback, and suggestions :) xx


	6. five - tied up like two ships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S O N G S ::  
> perfect - one direction (referenced)  
> strong - one direction  
> come back, be here - taylor swift

 “Okay, Thomas - can I call you Tom?”

Tom nodded, a bit starstruck. “Of course. You can call me whatever you want..” He said, cheeks pink, because was this his actual real life?

Ellen laughed a bit, nodding. “Okay, Tom. Really, everyone is wondering how you got so lucky. You’re at the top of the world right now, two movies in the top ten of the box office and another set to release right before Valentine’s day, you’re making your break into voice-over acting with another movie coming out this Christmas, and if that wasn't enough, you’ve been invited to host the BBMA’s this year. And rumor has it, that’s actually where you met your husband, who of course, is the lovely Louis from One Direction, who seems to be having a record year himself.”

The crowd was screaming at just the sound of his name, which… Yeah, Tom felt the same way. His stomach did flips every time he even thought of Louis. “Yes, it’s all true. I’m so thrilled that  _ Baywatch _ and  _ Batman Returns _ are doing so well in the box office - they’re two very different movies, so it’s exciting to be able to play two very different roles, including our RomCom that’s coming out in time for Valentine’s day,” He expressed. “And yes - I am so excited to get into vocal acting - I’m going to be playing a Disney prince in a new feature, but that’s the most I can give away,” He laughed. “But it’s definitely something off my bucket list, so I’m thrilled.”

The audience gave him a round of applause, before Ellen laughed. “Now, I’ve actually been a huge fan of yours for awhile,” Elle admitted, and was this Tom’s actual life? Holy shit. “But I’m sure you know that as much as we love you, everyone is hoping to hear a few spoilers about your husband.”

“Of course,” Tom laughed, because not an interview went by where people were hoping to get a little something about Louis. “Well, it is true that we met at the BBMAs a few years ago, actually at the pre-party for the award presenters, so it’s quite an honor to be asked back again, but as a host. Louis was a bit upset the invite wasn't extended to him, but I don’t blame them, after all the lines he messed up last time. Don’t worry, I still love him.” He smiled, remembering. “He was so confident and sexy, can you blame me for being interested?” He laughed, listening to the crowd’s reaction. “But honestly, Ellen. Not a day goes by that my husband and I aren’t thankful for how amazing and supportive our fans are, especially regarding the news from our trip from Barbados-”

And the crowd lost their minds. 

He was expecting it, really. The news of One Direction’s reunion wasn't set to release until a press-conference tomorrow, but it got leaked a few days ago, and the internet was practically broken in their excitement over it. 

“Ah, yes. Nice tan, by the way.”

Tom glanced at his arms and laughed a bit. “Thanks. Barbados was beautiful, you know, I actually had never been before,” He stalled, laughing a bit. “But really, I am so excited for Lous and Harry,” He smiled, and the crowd aww’d at his nickname for his husband, causing his smile to grow. “I think that the break was so necessary, but in my opinion, they’re both making their best music together now.”

He recited the line that Liam had asked him to say perfectly, smiling as everyone clapped. 

“Now I do have to ask,” Ellen said, leaning forward a bit like she was really interested. “How are you feeling about all of this? We all know Harry and Louis have some history. As a husband, you still manage to be so supportive through it all. Is that just you as a person? What’s the secret? Because most people wouldn’t be thrilled with their partner getting back together in a band with their ex.”

“You know,” Tom laughed. “I’ve been friends with Harry for longer than I’ve known Louis,” He admitted, which seemed to surprise everyone. He felt weird sharing some of this, but Liam’s words had been clear -  _ be as pro-Harry as possible. _ “He’s a great guy. Talented and cool as hell. A great friend, too.”

Ellen smiled brightly, crossing one leg over the other. “I really didn’t know that one. That’s so awesome, though. And I mean, you and Louis are known for your strong marriage throughout Hollywood. What’s your guys’ secret? Because every great couple has at least one.”

Tom shrugged, in some attempt to be coy. “We’re very open and honest with each other. Always on the same page.” He explained. “And, great sex doesn’t hurt either.” He laughed.

“Thomas, it’s been great to have you!” Ellen laughed by way of response. “And, a little birdy told me your favorite part of my show is when we give away things to the audience members?”

Tom’s eyes lit up. “Yes! I love watching your Christmas episodes because of it. I happen to be a huge fan,” He admitted.

“Well, come this way with me, because just for you, we’re about to do a  _ huge _ giveaway!”

✭✭✭

Tom loved being on Ellen, but especially after all the time they’d sent in Barbados, it was nice to be able to relax at home every once in awhile. And since they had gotten back a week ago, he hadn’t really had the chance. 

Louis had left for Australia right from Barbados, having a concert the next day. They’d managed to cross beach sex (and many other kinds of sex) off of their to-do lists, without any further interruptions from Harry, along with just spending quality time together. Harry was fun to be around too, so it was a nice few days full of drinks and lounging around. Since getting back to LA, however, Tom had been thrown right back into work. He had two movies in theaters currently, and another releasing in less than a month so his manager had him out on a press tour a few hours after his plane touched down. And somewhere along the way, he’d been on the phone with Liam, discussing exactly how to bring Harry up in a good light in every single interview, someone heard their phone call. And within an hour, the entire world knew that One Direction was back together. 

Tom was just surprised, because really, he didn’t think that he’d be the one to spill the beans.

So it was really all he was getting asked about. His manager wasn't worried though, saying his movies ticket sales had doubled since the leak. So, so far, this was working well for everyone.

The official press conference, where the announcement was to be made, was still scheduled for tomorrow. Jeff and Liam had concluded together that the bigger deal they made of this, the more longevity they could achieve from it. Louis would be flying in tomorrow morning, bless his sweet heart, and Harry had flown in the day prior, having an appearance on a late-night show and an interview this morning. 

It was like, for once, they had everything falling into place.

He walked into the LA penthouse that had become their LA base (the Malibu house really was inconveniently far from everything), trying to figure out what he needed to do before Louis arrived. The housekeeper had been there right before he’d gotten home, and he hadn’t dirtied anything himself, so it was looking good. He had breakfast planned out for them in the morning, since Louis would get home with enough time to shower and eat before they had to leave. The living room had been touched up by a set designer from  _ Vogue _ , since Harry and Louis were doing a joint cover, and they were stopping in to do  _ 65 Questions _ the day after tomorrow. He himself would be on  _ Good Morning LA _ , before guest-starring on  _ The Chew _ with Harry, and after that, he was off to New York to tour the morning shows before the premiere of his next movie. 

Thinking of it all was simply exhausting. He was sure he was forgetting a few things, too.

He smiled a bit when he saw Niall sat up on his kitchen counter, back leaned against the cabinets as he typed away on his laptop. It was rare that Niall wasn't attached to Louis’ hip, but in reality, there was  _ way _ more work to be done here at home than in Australia, due to the early leak. And truly, Tom appreciated not having to come home to an empty house. 

“Okay, we just got slated for a photo shoot for  _ People _ , all three of you, right after the press conference,” Niall said, hanging up his phone as he looked at Tom. “Can you have three outfits for each of you ready for that?” 

Tom nodded, as he went into the fridge. He grabbed himself a bottle of water, taking a sip. “Of course. We already have the press-conference outfits picked, along with Louis’ stuff for  _ Vogue, _ and Harry should be bringing his outfits over when he gets here tonight.”

Niall nodded, going and checking a few things off of his to-do list. “Also, your manager called and wants you to read over these sides I’ve printed for you,” He said, sliding a file folder over. “Said they’re the most promising movies for release next summer, that start filming in a few months.”

Tom nodded, taking the folder, wrinkling his nose a bit. “Okay.”

Niall looked up from his computer. “You alright?”

Tom sighed, setting the folder back down, sitting on the counter beside him. “I was thinking of taking a year off, to be there to support Louis more, but my manager and I got in a huge fight over it. Since you know, he’d be losing money if I’m not working.”

“I mean, I can understand that,” Niall said. Because really, he was in the same position. “But your manager also has tons of other clients. He probably just wants you to profit off of the notariety while it’s there. But if you feel like you need to take time off, you should do whatever feels right to you.”

Tom considered it, shrugging. “I don’t quite know. I haven’t really talked to Louis about it - I’m not really sure how he’s going to react to the idea, and he’s been so happy lately.. I just want to avoid a fight.” He said, leaning his head on Niall’s shoulder. 

“I know,” he laughed a bit. “I’ve gotta say, T, you’re like some magic cure for him. Almost a week in Oz and he hasn’t snapped at anyone even once.” 

Tom laughed a bit, smiling. Oh, he loved Louis so much. Speaking of love… “How’s Mila doing?”

Niall smiled a little brighter at that. “Oh, she’s doing good. She’s filming that adventure movie in Sydney, so it was nice for us to be in the same place, for once. I’m sure you understand.” He said. 

Tom smiled and nodded. “Trust me, I do. I’m glad you two are working out.” 

“Yeah, all thanks to you. She’s like, my dream girl.” He said, and Tom couldn’t help but smile a little brighter. 

“What can I say? I’m quite the matchmaker,” he said proudly. “I think I’m gonna order in something before I get started on digging through L’s messy wardrobe. Pizza?” He offered.

Niall practically moaned. “Yes,” He said, nodding. “You guys only have this healthy shit here. It’s god-awful.”

“That’s because it’s only been me here for months,” he laughed. “I’m sure L will go shopping tomorrow, or more likely, send you out shopping for him.”

Niall shrugged and chuckled, because it was true. “Touché. But that will also let me get whatever I want  _ and _ charge it to his card.” 

Tom laughed this time, nodding. “Touché.” They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Tom letting his eyes close as he soaked in the fact that he was  _ home _ .

✭✭✭

“I just need a second opinion, is all,” Tom smiled at him, walking backwards up the stairs, turning around halfway to jog up the rest, leading Harry up to his and Louis’ master bedroom.

And Harry just - had a lot of  _ feelings _ about that, really. 

First, because as hard as he tried, he didn’t think he would ever have the coordination to walk up a staircase backwards. Especially not looking as sexy and coordinated as Tom did. Second, Tom was being flirty and cute and blushy and  _ soft _ , decidedly different than he had been during their first few days in Barbados. He’d expected his behavior to change when they got home, but if anything, it amplified it. Seeing Tom here, in his own lovely home, looking comfortable and soft, in his own element. And third, Tom was letting Harry in on something special and sweet, something he only had to share between himself and Louis. But he was choosing to make Harry a part of it - and that wasn't lost on him. He knew very well that with fame, came limited privacy. 

“Hurry up, Haz, your giraffe legs can climb some stairs faster than that,” He encouraged, walking into the bedroom and leaving the door open behind him.

Harry quickened his pace, following him into the bedroom. And it - it was weird for him, to say the least.

_ This is where Tom and Louis fuck _ , was his first thought. An intimate space, the bed they come home to when they’ve been out of town for far too long. His second thought was that, it looked exactly how he expected. He’d known well that Tom had hired someone to decorate all of their homes, and this one was no different. The room was beautifully furnished, with some various framed photographs above the headboard, an accent lamp on each nightstand, and an entire wall of windows. There were clothes in the hamper, and the bed wasn't completely made.. Lived in, Harry determined was how it looked, not like some of his houses where the rooms went untouched. Lived in and loved.

Tom had crossed the room over to the walk in closet, presumably where the outfits he’d been so set on showing Harry were, so he followed him over there. 

“So, this is what I have so far,” He explained, outfits laid out on the floor. This had to be one of the biggest walk-in closets Harry had ever seen. “I was thinking a blush and navy theme for one outfit, I have Ni sourcing this shirt I saw online that was too perfect for you to pass up on,” He smiled. “And L will be wearing these navy jeans he has, completely ripped down the front, with this shirt,” He gestured to something that looked straight out of Anthropologie, baby pink with white outlined letters spelling out some forward-thinking quote. “And of course, a matching blazer.” Tom said, obviously.

“Of course,” Harry agreed, nodding as he looked at it. “A nice chestnut brown belt and watch combo would look quite lovely with that. What about for you?”

Tom smiled. “I’ll be wearing this dress shirt, sleeves rolled up,” He showed, it was navy and white little squares, “With a khaki blazer and matching pants.”

Harry smiled brightly. “So, this shirt you saw? That made you think of me?”

If Harry wasn't mistaken, Tom was blushing. “Oh. It’s a flowy blouse. Looks to be made of silk. And it’s like a flowy button-up, but there’s this like, pearl-lace detail around the neck that I think you’ll love.” He smiled.

Harry smiled brightly and nodded. “That sounds perfect. Maybe with some white jeans?”

“And gold boots?” Tom asked, hopeful.

Harry laughed and nodded, and it went on like that. Each of them pulling out pieces from the wardrobe and looking through for coordinating but  _ not matching _ outfits, as Thomas so clearly explained. Harry learned that while Louis and Thomas were the same size in shirts, Louis wasn't allowed to wear his pants, because his  _ ass will stretch my good denim. _ Their closet was so large, Harry learned, because this is where they kept their nicer clothes and all their award show outfits. Since it was their LA home, it was the easiest place to keep them, since it was where most of the American awards shows were. And before they knew it, they were both sitting on the floor, Tom laying flat on his back staring at the ceiling, Harry’s back against the wall, looking at the clothes hanging above him. And they weren’t even talking about clothing anymore, having moved to the subject of Gemma, and Lottie, and Tom’s mom…. Family. And little things that they loved so dearly.

Tom laughed a little bit, running his fingers through his hair. “This is gonna sound so stupid,” Tom warned him. 

Harry shrugged. “It can’t be  _ that _ stupid. I just told you how I cried and ate a whole pan of potatoes au gratin by myself because I was homesick and I’d found my mom’s recipe,” He laughed.

“It might be a close runner up,” Tom warned, laughing. “I - Louis does this  _ thing _ ,” He tried to explain, fumbling his hands in the air. “I’ll be getting ready to leave for a long day on set, usually just in sweats and a hoodie or something, and he’s usually coming in from a night out with his famous friends. And we’ll usually run into each other in the kitchen, and he’s usually so drunk still, and he’s so adorable looking that it’s always so hard for me to go.” Tom admitted, lip bitten, and Harry wondered if he was about to cry because it really looked like it. “And I’ll like,  _ linger there _ , in the kitchen, just watching him get some water, beginning to nurse his soon-to-be hangover. Because I just - sometimes it feels like forever since I’ve seen him last, so long that I don’t mind being late to work or anything. And he’ll look at me, drunk as ever, and remind me I have to go. Because he’s still thinking of me, after all that time. After all those drinks.” Tom rubbed his face a bit, smiling. “And it’s so hard to go, to leave him there, to know he won’t be in when I get home from work that night. But then he does it - he pulls me close and gives me a kiss, in the middle of the kitchen light, looks at me like - like I’m everything he’s ever wanted, fuck - and he pulls back, tying the strings of my hoodie in a neat little bow, before patting my chest and assuring me that he was good.”

He paused, but he didn’t look finished, so Harry didn’t say a word. “And it’s so small. So insignificant in regards to my daily life. But i’ll get into wardrobe hours later, changing into my first costume of the day and I’ll see it - that bow. Like some reminder that even when we aren’t  _ together _ together, that our souls are tied up neat and tidy. That I’m still his.”

And Harry - wanted to tell him. He really did. But he didn’t have the heart for that. So he let his arm reach over, squeezing Tom’s shoulder. “I don’t think that’s stupid at all. I think it’s quite lovely.”

Tom smiled some more. “We have these beautiful wedding rings, he’s got tattoos that profess his love - but somehow, it’s that goddamn bow that gets me every single time.”

Harry really didn’t want to break Tom’s heart, so he let a comfortable silence take over the closet. 

✭✭✭

“I just - I wish you didn’t have to go so soon.”

Tom was pouting at him, hoping the soft, well-fucked look in his eyes would change Harry’s mind, will him to stay in town just a little bit longer. But he knew how the life of a superstar was. He knew that he had people and obligations, and family to see, since it was just days before Christmas.

He was in a bit of a sex-induced haze, because his and Harry’s romp in the sheets was rough and fast, the way he liked it, but it had him on the edge. He felt like if he breathed too fast or turned his head too quickly, he’d fall right off. Of what, Tom wasn't sure. All he was sure of was that Harry was buttoning up his shirt as he hummed, and Tom was still naked, wrapped up in his sheets, wishing he could say something to make him stay. 

“I know, I’m really sorry,” Harry frowned, looking at him. “My family’s been waiting though, and it’s a bit of a ride back to Manchester,” he said by way of explanation, and Tom nodded in understanding. 

“Well, thanks for fitting me into your busy schedule?” Tom offered. He didn’t really like this, but wasn't sure how to say it. He knew they’d decided to keep quiet about their relationship because of everything with One Direction, but Tom really didn’t like feeling like a dirty little secret. 

Harry shook his head, walking over and pressing a kiss to Tom’s forehead. “No, thanks for fitting  _ me _ in. I know it was last minute, and I don’t want you to feel like a booty call, but-”

“But that’s basically what it is, right?” Tom was perceptive enough.

Harry shrugged. “It can be whatever we want it to be. If you like having secret, sexy fun, then I’m perfect.” He smirked. “But I’m just not ready for anything huge, okay? I dated Louis since I was sixteen, I just - need to figure out who I am.”

Tom could understand that, but all this talk had him drifting further towards that edge. “Mkay.”

Harry smiled, not seeming to notice. “Well, you can stay as long as you want… Just make sure to lock the door on the way out, okay?”

Tom nodded once more, letting his eyes close as he heard Harry slip out the door. He fell asleep in Harry’s London penthouse that once felt like something special and amazing, but now it just felt dirty. 

✭

“Fuck, Harry, I thought you’d died or something!” Louis gasped as Harry came in the door. “What the fuck? Your flight was scheduled to land hours ago.”

As much as he was annoyed, he couldn’t help but come closer to him, wrap his arms around him, kiss him deep and dirty like he’d been waiting to. Harry seemed to like that, his hands resting on Louis’ ass, pulling him in closer.

Louis pulled away though, giving him a look. “Seriously. Where were you?”

Harry frowned a bit. “Well, my flight was delayed just over an hour, London traffic, and then Zayn called me over to go over that riff in that song I’m working on.”

Louis crossed his arms. “Tomorrow’s my birthday. You had to go tonight?”

“Better than tomorrow, innit?” He asked, pulling Louis closer by the waistband of his trackies. 

Louis gave a soft, playful eye roll. “You dare miss my birthday, and I’ll cut your dick off.”

Harry laughed at that, and the sound of it just made Louis’ heart happy. “Okay, okay. You know, I wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world.” He was half hard, massaging Louis’ ass in his hands, leaning down to kiss at his neck lazily.

“Fuck, H,” He breathed, a hand reaching to knot in his hair. “What’s got you so riled up?”

Harry’s teeth trailed over his neck. “ _ You _ , boo. How’s that even a question?”

Louis laughed, sighing as he felt Harry’s lips moving over his neck. “Fair,” he breathed. “Go take a shower first. You smell like airports and dust.” He said, before pulling away.

Harry laughed and gave a kiss to his lips, before heading off to do as told. Louis settled down on the bed, laying back against the pillows. His phone buzzed and he reached for it, frowning a bit.  _ This is Harry’s phone _ , Louis realized, seeing his background was some picture of the two of them in black and white, something Louis would never set for himself. 

And there was a text. From someone named Tommo.

_    Tommo: thanks for takin the time to see me, sorry i’m actin like a baby xx i’ll lock up and leave in the am. Always fun when ur in town xx. _

He could hear Harry singing in the shower, washing off with the hopes of fucking Tom into oblivion. He looked at the texts and felt his heart sink. Obviously, Harry was hiding something… Did Louis even want to know what? It must be something big because that text didn’t sound innocent at all. And if it was true, Harry had just lied to him about where he’d been.

And he’d named the contact Tommo. Anyone who wasn't Louis would rightfully assume he was texting Louis, not hiding the fact that he was texting someone else. 

Harry took long showers, Louis knew. So he didn’t hesitate anymore to type in his password, 0201 because Harry didn’t give a fuck about security, apparently. It didn’t take him long to piece together, between texts about movie premieres, recording studios, and some made-up story of Harry and Louis breaking up. He couldn’t help but scoff.

He - didn’t know what to think. Thomas Avery. He’d never met the guy, but he’d always imagined that they’d be friends or something. And now, Thomas was sleeping with his boyfriend. Because Thomas didn’t think Harry and Louis were together. 

He didn’t have time to process this, though. He just deleted Tom’s text, locked the phone and set it back where it was, grabbing his own phone in his hands as the shower turned off. He took off his clothes, piece by piece because he was going to make sure Harry missed this one day.

✭✭✭

They were somewhere in Montana, Harry was pretty sure, but he usually got his states all wrong, so who knows.

Not even a week prior, they’d finished off the tour of their second album,  _ Take Me Home _ . They’d flown all around the world singing, making their dreams come true. Honestly - it wasn't what Harry had been expecting at all. 

He’d been in love with Louis since he was sixteen, that much he knew clearly. He knew that one look at him, and Harry’s whole life had changed. He’d found his  _ person _ , his home, his purpose. But - they were a boy two-piece. And according to their managers and Simon, there was absolutely  _ no way _ they could be together. Because  _ girls don’t buy love songs about boys who love other boys _ , Harry remembers. 

He remembers how it hurt him, but it hurt Louis more. Because until not long ago, Harry had identified as bi, was flirty as hell, and had lots of female friends. It was easy for the media to craft up these rumors about who he was fucking and who was in his heart and make them stick, turning him into a heartbreaking womanizer overnight. Louis hadn’t had the same fate though. He wasn't going to pretend to be someone he wasn't, was trying to stay true to everything that made him who he was. It didn’t work, and before long, Jeff had him set up with some girl named Eleanor. Harry honestly didn’t mind her. She was the model daughter of some executive at Syco, and they’d talk about fashion week and hair products. Louis couldn’t find one thing to like about her though, hated that he had to fake being in love, when he was already in love with Harry. 

Louis was always more passionate about his emotions than Harry was. He wore his heart on his sleeve in that regard. He just - he didn’t see a reason to hide anything, had put up a good fight about it too, but ultimately their opinions in the matter had been overruled. So after the tour, they’d snuck away for ¾ of a week in Montana. Posting carefully crafted pictures of their homes in London and their family to make it seem like that’s where they were. With their family they hadn’t seen in months, instead of with the secret lover they’d spent every single day with. But, just this morning, management decided that Louis had to go. Eleanor was walking at some fashion week in Milan, and the rumor mill was already swirling about if he would be there or not. Harry had heard him fighting on the phone about it all morning with their management, before coming back into their bedroom, his shoulders sunk in surrender. 

Harry stayed quiet as he watched Louis pack his bag, taking fistfuls of clothing off of the floor and out of drawers, shoving it in without emotion. Harry didn’t say anything, just watching him, realizing before he could stop it that Louis was fighting tears. “Boo..” He tried, but Louis was shaking his head hastily.

“Don’t talk to me like that, like you feel  _ bad _ for me. I don’t need your pity, Harry. I just - fuck.”

Harry’s arms were around him as he began to sob, comforting him. Harry just - he  _ knew _ how hard it was. He knew Louis wanted to be out and proud, able to love who he wants to love, advertise his sexuality and help the people watching him who could identify with struggling with their own. Harry felt those pressures too, but he wasn't the one who was having to fake a relationship with someone. He wasn't the one people roasted online for looking too soft, twinkish, or flamboyant. Louis bore all that pressure on himself, barely even spoke of it. He was always so strong that these moments of self-doubt, these moments of weakness, were so rare. 

“I don’t  _ pity _ you, Louis,” he said softly, once his sobs had subsided a bit. “I just - you don’t even realize how strong you are sometimes.” He explained, tilting Louis’ face to look at him. He wiped a few tears away with his thumbs. “I’d do anything to change this for you- you're the one that keeps me from falling apart, the one that makes  _ me _ strong.” He said, letting Louis cuddle into his chest. “I could never pity you or think you’re weak. You’re someone who fights for what they care about. I could never de-value that.”

It seemed like it was exactly where he wanted to be, sniffling as he pressed his face against Harry’s torso, tears staining his t-shirt. “I just - why can’t we be happy? Why is it all about sales and money and girls?” He asked, and Harry knew he wasn’t looking for an answer. “I just - feel like we’re drifting sometimes. Like they’re just making us float along with the ocean current and I just - I can’t lose you. Sometimes it’s just so hard to reach you even though you’re less than a few feet away from me.” 

Harry kissed his forehead softly, pushing his hair back a bit. “I don’t think you could lose me if you tried,” he admitted, giving him a fond smile. “I think you’re so wonderful, Louis. I love you so much. And yeah, it’s shitty that we have to hide this from everyone, but someday we won’t have to anymore.” He explained. “I can feel it. One day, years from now, we’ll wake up together. And leave  _ our _ house together. Sing love songs onstage,  _ together _ . You’re it for me, boo. I’ll wait forever for you. And I’m always right here,” He said, letting his fingers trail over his chest, right where his heart was “Even when it feels like I’m far away.”

Louis gave a wet laugh, patting away his tears. “You sound like some sappy love song,” he teased but didn’t move away at all. 

“Do you blame me? All that you are is all that I’ll ever need.” He said sincerely. 

Louis finally pulled away, looking a little happier even if his cheeks were blotchy and red. “I love you so much.” He said honestly. 

“I love you too,” Harry responded, without any hesitation. “Listen - I know this is gonna sound stupid,” he warned, pulling Louis a bit closer. He let his fingers pick up the ties on his hoodie, working them slowly into a perfect bow. “You see this? It’s us,” he stated, watching Louis look down at the bow himself, so cute, “Our hearts are just tied up together. They can knot our strings, untie is, whatever… But if you pull this out of your hoodie, it’s all one string. They can’t tear us apart. They can’t hide us for forever. Our souls are the same. I’m always right here with you,” he said and pat the top of the bow he tied. “Don’t ever forget it, okay? Because you’re mine. And no matter what happens, you’re the one I’ll always come home to. Always.”

Louis’ fingers rested softly, reverently, on top of the bow. “Always.” 

And somehow, with that promise and reminder, Louis leaving was a bit easier on them both.

✭✭✭

Tom was woken from his sleep when he heard the bedroom door close, sitting up a bit and rubbing his eyes. “Lou?” he asked tiredly, looking around for his silhouette in the dark. Familiar blue eyes lit up his entire soul, and he felt his heart beating out of his chest, just like he did every single time Louis came home from being away. And fuck,  _ this _ was being in love. Thinking of someone, texting them and FaceTiming them daily, only for your heart to grow fonder every time they came back home. 

Without warning, he had a lap full of Louis, a sweet and warm kiss on his lips. “Missed you, superstar,” Louis said, pulling away as he cupped Tom’s cheeks, looking at him like he was something so valuable, so worthy of love.

Tom was a bit dizzy with it all, having missed him a pinch extra after all the time they’d gotten together in Barbados. He’d been a bit spoiled with it, and this trip was harder on him than it had been in a while. “Missed you dearly, popstar. Welcome home.” 

The words came off his lips without thought, but they weren’t thoughtless. He’d greeted Louis the same way every single time he’d come home since their wedding. The words sounded so simple, but it was clear how much more it meant. He leaned back, letting Louis settle against his chest as he did so. He was still tanned from Barbados but looking much more tired than he did a week ago. 

He pressed a few kisses to Tom’s collar bones, smiling. “Heard you were the one who leaked the secret,” He said, amused. “I was really expecting it to be Harry.”

“I was too! I mean - really it was me  _ and _ Liam. I’m not the only one to blame.” He tried, smiling. “But everyone’s so excited.  _ I’m _ so excited for you guys.” He assured, because he knew that sometimes Louis needed it, no matter how strong and confident he came across. 

Louis smiled, settling a bit as he rested his head on Tom’s shoulder. “Speaking of Harry, why is he asleep on our couch?” 

It wasn't unkind, but for some reason, it worried Tom. Had he crossed a line by inviting Harry over, offering the couch to him so he wouldn’t have to drive back to his beach house? Well, Tom always believed honesty was the best policy. “Ni booked a cover spread for us all, and we were picking out outfits and stuff. Harry was helping me.”

“That’s really nice,” He smiled, seeming completely okay with it. “Love you so much,” He reminded, giving Tom a kiss.

Tom’s smile was bright. “I love you too. Get some sleep, since you have time for an hour or two - big day today.” He said, and before he could even finish his sentence, Louis was out like a light. Tom wrapped his arms around his tired husband, glancing over at the clock. It was already 4:56 am, there was no chance he was falling asleep now, so he laid there with his boy in his arms, combing through his hair with his fingers softly as Louis slept. 

✭

Louis only got a few hours of sleep, but waking up in Tom’s arms, he didn’t even mind. He was  _ home _ , and he had his boy with him, and he couldn’t be happier. Tom was already awake, he could tell, feeling the way his hand was rubbing up and down his back. “Morning,” He said softly, smiling.

“You’re awake,” Tom smiled, surprised. “I was actually about to wake you, but I wanted to make sure you got as much sleep as possible.”

Louis kissed his cheek, smiling. “I’m good, I promise. I slept some on the plane.”

Tom didn’t seem convinced, but he nodded and kissed Louis’ hairline. “I’m going to go start some breakfast, okay? We have to leave in an hour. I have all your stuff packed, so just make sure you’re ready to go by then.”

Louis nodded and accepted another forehead kiss before Thomas was up and walking out of the room. He looked so sexy, just in a pair of boxers and tanned skin, but there wasn't any time for that. Not today. 

Today was important, because depending on the reaction they received, they could get a good idea of how this would work, if it could be a success. Louis really hoped it all went well. He’d spent an ungodly amount of time worrying about it, he realized while in the shower. It had been consuming his thoughts lately, this idea of if he will or won’t fail, if his career will continue on or if this will set him backward. But there was no point in worrying about it now- now it was time to just get ready and  _ do it. _

He came downstairs dressed similarly to Tom, his glasses perched on his nose. He froze at the bottom of the staircase though, seeing Harry in the kitchen with his husband. He’d forgotten he was here - but now it’s coming back to him. Something about a photo shoot, if he remembers correctly. He was standing next to Tom, their hips touching as Harry worked on the stove and as Tom cut up something Louis couldn’t see on a cutting board. 

And for a second, he was confused and hurt. Only because he and Tom never got moments like that, sleepy and happy as they cooked together. It wasn't Louis’ strength by any means, and usually, Tom preferred he stay out of the kitchen. But he and Harry had a flow going, seeming to read each other’s minds, passing ingredients back and forth. He sat down on the last stair of the staircase, watching them. Now they were talking about the photoshoot - Louis  _ did _ remember correctly - and about backdrops and angles. They had a real vision for this thing, apparently. 

“Whatcha doing there, mate?”

Louis cursed as he jumped up, scared half to death as Niall descended the stairs. He must’ve taken the guest room, which is why Harry was resigned to the couch. “Fucking hell, Niall, you’re going to scare the shit right outta me someday.”

Niall laughed but sat down beside where Louis was, so Louis sat back down. “Sorry, mate,” He laughed, stretching a bit. “What time did you get in last night?”   


Louis rubbed his face as he yawned. “A little after 4, got home around 5.”

Niall nodded, smiling. “Welcome home, then.” He said, watching Harry and Tom in their exchange. 

They both studied the other two for a minute before Louis shook his head. “It’s not weird, is it?” He asked, because he knew Niall would give it to him straight. Tom turned to walk to the fridge, and Harry was staring at his ass. He’d probably be acting less obvious if he knew there were people watching them. Louis couldn’t exactly blame him though - Tom had a nice ass, and he was wearing his good boxers, too. 

“I mean,” Niall paused. “It’s only weird if you make it weird, right? Like, you’ve all fucked each other,” He reminded, making Louis wrinkle his nose. “So it can’t get much weirder than that.”

“Thanks for pointing that out,” Louis scoffed. “But like - if you were me, would it be weird?”

“If I were you, it’d be a threesome,” He laughed. “But that’s just me. I don’t think it has to be weird. I  _ do _ think you should’ve considered this before you signed on to tour. They used to date, of  _ course _ they were friends. Of course they’re friends now.”

And just like that, Louis remembered that not everyone knew. People knew that Harry broke his heart, that he was a cheater, but they didn’t know that he’d cheated on him with  _ Tom _ , that no one could ever understand Louis’ hesitations and doubts until they understood that basic fact. “Yeah, you’re right.” He said simply. 

Niall patted his arm. “I’m sure everything will work out just fine, Lou.”

Tom was giggling about something Harry said, smiling as he turned around. “Louis!” He said excitedly, seeing him on the stairs

“T,” He smiled, letting himself get up and go into his awaiting arms. “Morning.”

Tom smiled and kissed his lips. “My clean boy,” He said fondly, and Louis knew it was because Tom loved the smell of his shampoo. “Brekkie’s done, made your favorite,” He smiled, and Louis missed him like this. Domestic and sweet and thoughtful and  _ home _ . “C’mon Nialler, you too.”

Niall laughed, shaking his head and heading over to make a plate, saying hello to Harry in the process. 

“You’re so sweet,” Louis smiled at him, leaning up to give him another kiss. “What’d you make?”

Tom rolled his eyes. “I already told you. What’s your favorite breakfast?”

“Blueberry muffins?” He teased, joking.

Tom groaned and rolled his eyes again. “You’re a full idiot. Everyone knows you love a full English. C’mon, hurry up before it gets cold.”

Louis giggled a bit and let Tom drag him over. “You’re gonna make such a good daddy someday,” he commented. “So in charge, making breakfast and whatnot…”

Tom’s cheeks pinked. “Shut up, you twat,” he said, hurrying away from the subject, grabbing the plates Harry was handing them. “Eat your food and be thankful that Harry and I suffered over the stove for you.”

“Really, truly suffered. A labor of love and whatnot.” Harry added, brows raised. 

Louis took Harry in, a Ramones shirt that had a huge rip in it on his chest, and some old workout shorts on his legs. “Looked like it, all the hip bumping and giggling,” He said, smirking. “I’d hate to see what a good time looked like.”

“Louis, hurry the fuck up and eat,” And it was Niall this time, mouth half full, staring him down. “Liam will shoot me if we’re all late today, since I’m with all three of you.”

Louis grumbled a bit as he sat down beside Tom. “Why are you just talking to me, then?”

“Because Harry and Thomas are responsible adults. You - are not.”

“See, Louis,” Tom was smirking beside him. “Always told you I was a responsible adult.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “I feel very attacked. I need a nap and some cuddles and some beer to make me feel better. Send help and lots of nudes.” He said to Tom, deadpan.

Tom was laughing at his humor, but Niall was smirking, reaching for his phone. “ _ Tom _ , send nudes. You filthy animal.”

Niall put his phone down and laughed, waving his hands in surrender. “What? I thought I’d bless you with a vision of me.”

Louis’ phone dinged just then, and he looked at Niall. “How did you even send it that fast?”

Niall laughed. “Wasn't me.”

Tom was laughing beside him, but no one made any move to explain what was happening. He picked up his phone and looked, to see a photo from Harry. “H, what the fuck?” He laughed. “Why on earth would you keep nudes of yourself on your phone? You’re gonna get hacked, mate, and  _ everyone _ will see your crown jewels.”

Harry shrugged, laughing. “I’m sure worse things could happen.”

Niall was practically cackling. “You get off on it, don’t you, you mother fucker!”

Harry shot Niall a look. “Kink-shaming isn’t nice, Niall. We  _ all _ know you have some kinks of your own, like that time I walked in on you-”

It must’ve been something good, because Niall’s cheeks were bright red, as he reached and covered Harry’s mouth. “Okay, okay. No need to bring up the past - ew! I don’t know where your tongue has been!” He lamented, wiping his hand off on his sweats.

Harry just smirked, having won for now.

✭✭✭

It was a bit of a whirlwind, after the press conference. 

The world was breaking over the fact that after all those years, One Direction was getting back together, that  _ he and Louis  _ were getting back together - and fuck, the energy, and excitement of it all was addicting. There were more fans than had gathered for either of them in the recent months, both of them hiring on security detail plus Tom’s bodyguard. There were teenage girls sobbing tears of joy, fans chanting their favorite song lyrics, posters and pride flags being waved - all for a press conference. Harry couldn’t imagine how utterly insane a concert would be.

The thing is, everyone loved a good underdog story, a good reunion where their favorite musicians became who they used to be way back before everything changed. But the ironic part was that it seemed that people were more excited to see how he and Louis combined their solo work with their group works. There were tons of photos, questions carefully crafted by their management, and fan interaction. He and Louis even surprised everyone by doing a duet, one he’d written a long time ago, hidden away in a cabin in Montana after Louis was forced to leave early. 

For the first time in half a decade, Louis sat beside Harry and they both picked up their guitars, playing the music they’d written and performed together, the songs their fans fell in love with. Louis had chosen the song himself,  _ Strong _ , off of  _ Midnight Memories _ . And for Harry, strumming along, listening to Louis’ angelic voice harmonize with his, it was easy to forget just how they got to this place. 

“So baby, hold on to my heart. Need you to keep me from falling apart… I’ll always hold on, ‘cause you make me strong.”

Louis’ voice was so hypnotizing, he forgot to come in for his own solo. He just - laughed it off, strumming through again and picked up where he left off. The fans found it endearing and Louis was smiling right beside him. 

They finished out the song and Louis set his guitar down, smiling a bit. “Sorry about that, loves,” he said, and the audience went crazy. Harry didn’t blame them - Louis could be overwhelming in the best way sometimes. “We’re obviously a bit rusty, but we wanted to play just a little something for you lot. We really appreciate all the love on our social media, after my husband ruined our surprise!”

Harry glanced over and could see Tom pouting, so he laughed a bit. “S’okay, T, we all love you anyway.”

The girls in the audience cheered loudly at that, because everyone loved a little Thomas. 

Louis crinkled his nose as he laughed, shaking his head. “Really, though. Thank you. You’ve made every single one of our dreams come true. We were just two British boys with a dream, and you’ve made our dreams a reality. We can’t wait to do you guys right this year, and we can’t wait to see you all out on the road. Keep an eye out on our Twitters and Instagrams, where we’ll be giving little snippets of our music for you guys to enjoy.”

He let the crowd cheer for a bit, watching the camera focus in on them. The whole press conference was being streamed on a few news sites, and this was the moment a lot of fans were waiting for - how they always ended their set. 

“I’m Louis Avery,” Louis smiled.

“And I’m Harry Styles, and we’re One Direction. Drive safe, everyone, and have a nice night!”

“Enjoy your day!” Louis echoed, before standing with Harry and giving a wave, exiting the stage. 

The crowd erupted as they left, and Harry watched Louis go straight into Thomas’ arms. They’d both been a bit clingy with each other this morning, and he didn’t want to interrupt anything important and private. He himself was welcomed with a ton of high-fives and shoulder pats from his and Louis’ respective crews, all of them chatting for a few moments before they were being ushered off into vehicles to get to the photo shoot. 

Behind them, a mob of teenage girls were chasing after their cars, screaming like their lives depended on it. Clothed in crop tops and vans, waving signs with their faces on them, sobbing about how much they loved them. There was no denying it - One Direction was back and here to stay. 

✭✭✭

“This is a song I wrote for a good friend of mine, Taylor Swift. I’m so thrilled that it made it as a bonus track on her album a bit ago, because not many people have the honor of saying that. Only a handful of people can say they wrote an entire song for Taylor, and she took it and used it. Because like any artist, you have to believe in a song to cut it. Taylor writes raw, real songs that people can relate to. And that’s something I can understand. People like songs that make them feel something. So, since I’m a sap and he’s what feels like an entire world away, here’s the song I wrote just days after meeting my sweet fiancé. This is  _ Come Back, Be Here _ .”

It was rare that Louis sang songs that he wrote and gave away to other people, but it’d been seven weeks since he’d seen Tom’s face in person, and he was a bit hurt about it. They were supposed to have seen each other at the Grammys, but Louis’ plane had issues and he didn’t make it to LA at all. Tom was slated to be filming a movie in Ireland the week Louis was working press there, but it switched to Scotland for budget reasons. It was like every force in the world was stopping them from being together, and Louis felt like he was about to lose his god damn mind over it.

“In New York, be here. But you’re in London, and I break down - cause it’s not fair that you’re not around. And this is when the feeling sinks in, I don’t wanna miss you like this. Come back, be here. Come back-“

And Louis - he had always been an emotional person. Felt things very deeply and whatnot. But after seven weeks of trials and tears and feeling like his heart was empty, seeing Thomas walk into the room with a bouquet of flowers had him crying. He’d always decided that if someone ever surprised him like this, that he’d be the kind of musician who finished the song before being overcome with emotions. For the fans, for the people who were working the gig. Because the world didn’t revolve around him. But experiencing it first hand? Louis set down his guitar and  _ ran _ , jumping into Tom’s arms like he hadn’t seen him in years.

He was on a radio show, somewhere in the continental US. Thomas was supposed to be in Bali, filming some new action movie. But here he was. The DJ was laughing and explaining what happened to the listeners, but Louis was stuck in a moment with Tom.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re - why aren’t you in Bali?” Louis asked, face pressed into Tom’s chest to hide his tears. He felt foolish for being so happy he was crying.

Tom didn’t seem to mind, strong arms holding Louis close. “I finished early so I could come back home to you,” he smiled, leaning down to kiss him. “Fuck - I’ve missed you so much.” He said, a bit weepy himself.

The DJ cut to a commercial break, and Louis just couldn’t even let go of Tom. “I just - fuck. We haven’t been apart that long since before we knew each other. And I missed your stupid face. Your stupid, brilliant, beautiful face.” He said and kissed his cheek a thousand times.

“This must be the superstar domesticity everyone’s warned me about.” Tom laughed and hugged him tightly. “You’re headed back to London after this, right?”

Louis nodded, smiling. “And hopefully, you are too?”

“I am.” He confirmed.

And Louis just - this is what real, healthy love felt like. When everything between him and Harry started going south, he remembered what his mom told him. -  _ Louis, your relationship shouldn’t be a battlefield. Life is hard enough itself. _ \- and he never understood it. Until he’d let go of the fear and problems and let himself fall unapologetically in love with exactly who Tom was. He’d always thought that Harry was the love of his life - that one great love that you’re given that makes everyone else pale in comparison. It was so great that Louis was always scared of it. It was delicate, like it could break at any second. Louis was scared to fall, to feel, to fail. Losing Harry felt like his life was over. But after meeting Tom, Louis realized that maybe his life was just beginning. And realized that relationships weren’t scary or problem-riddled if they were the right ones. 

Tom was his hiding place, his shelter, his secret keeper, his best friend.

The real, true, love of his life. 

✭✭✭

Tom crawled into bed next to Louis, fresh out of the shower and still damp. Not many people in life could get away with a sin like that, but Tom was so handsome and had all of Louis’ heart, so he let him get away with it. 

He got cuddly at night. It was something people might not expect from Tom, but it was true. When they were in the same city, they had hours of cuddle time after the sun set, because that was Tom’s love language. Physical affection. And they both loved sex, of course, but there was something about a nice cuddle and conversation that was even more intimate than that, after all these years. 

So Louis wrapped his arm around his shoulders, letting the ends of Tom’s hair drip into his shirt without complaint. He smiled and kissed his cheek. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. 

Tom shrugged, thinking. “Dunno. Missed you a lot this week, s’all.”

Louis nodded and smiled. “Fuck, I missed you too. I was thinking of you the entire time I was away.”

“I believe it,” Tom smiled. “A little birdie told me you were way less obnoxious than usual.” 

Louis rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna kill Niall.” He laughed. “First he tries to send me nudes, then he rats me out to my husband? Bro code has been officially broken.”

Tom giggled, face pressing into Louis’ shoulder. “Speaking of nudes..” Tom trailed, looking at Louis. “Did you open Harry’s?”

Louis glanced down at him, because that wasn’t what he was expecting. But now that Tom brought it up, he was a bit curious. “I didn’t, yet,” he said to test the waters, and it did seem that Tom’s interest was piqued. “Should we take a peek together?” 

Tom considered it, before pouting. “Isn’t it like, some sort of social wrong to show someone someone _else’s_ nudes?” He asked, but was reaching for Louis’ phone anyways.

Louis snorted a laugh. “You sound like Liam. Always thinks of the moral side, but still dishes dirt better than anyone I know.” Tom slapped at his arm, laughing, but Louis ignored it. “Besides, he’s  _ both _ of our ex. So it’s nothing we haven’t seen before.”

That seemed to be all the convincing Thomas needed, before he was urging Louis on. “Okay, true. Well then, what are you fucking waiting for?”

Louis snickered and clicked into the text thread, both of them going quiet as they took it in. Harry’s hand was wrapped around the base of his hard cock, boxers pooled around his knees. He was huge, Louis remembered as he stared at the picture, and the photo really did him justice. 

“Is that a thigh tattoo?!” Thomas asked, practically squealing in delight. “Oh my god. Harry is absolutely insane. And he has a beautiful dick,” Tom admitted. 

“He does,” Louis sighed, as if it was such a problem to his life. “I mean, yours isn’t that bad either, though.” He winked at Tom, setting the phone aside. 

Tom smirked back. “And his thigh tattoo is meaningless. I bet I can convince you to let me give you a poke tattoo on your thigh,” he reasoned. 

Louis considered it. “And how would you convince me?” He asked.

And before he could get an answer, Tom’s mouth was around his dick. And oh, yes. He could certainly be convinced. “Fuck, T,” He breathed, his fingers curling into Tom’s hair. It didn’t really do much, he’d gotten his hair trimmed when he got back from Barbados, so it wasn't exactly long enough for him to knot his fingers in. “You wanna give me a tat that bad?” His voice was breathy, but he was trying to keep his composure. Because he  _ loved _ this idea, and this was the first he was hearing of it. 

Tom was practically moaning around him, pulling off for a minute to respond. “Just fucking imagine,” He breathed. “You’d let me mark you, and it wouldn’t  _ ever _ go away.” He said, stroking Louis’ length. 

Louis let his eyes close, nodding. “It’d be hot,” He said, licking his lips slowly. “Will I get to do one on you as well?”

“Only if you work for it,” Tom quipped with a smirk, and that was the closest Louis had ever gotten to a yes in regards to Tom getting a tattoo, so he tackled him on the bed, starting off by kissing the living hell out of him. 

✭✭✭

After a few days, Tom was used to Harry being in their home.

It was weird, really. Even though they all insisted it wasn't.

Niall would come and go like he usually did. They always had a guest bedroom ready for him, since he didn’t have a house in LA, and they would never make one of their best friends stay in a hotel. After the Vogue shoot, however, Niall was a lot less busy, so he was spending time here and there, with them for a few hours and then downtown with friends at night. It was fine, it was what they were used to.

Harry, however, was a new addition to this routine. 

Harry had his own home on the outskirts of Malibu, a few blocks down from where Louis and Tom’s beach house was. And he loved that house, but Tom understood it when Harry explained that it was just too far. The drive from Malibu to Hollywood for any event was at least an hour on a good day, but it could push 2 in the blink of an eye. Harry’s LA condo was in the middle of a remodel, since three weeks ago none of them had planned on even being in LA. So of course, Tom told Harry he was welcome to stay. Because things were good between them all as of late. And because Harry helped cook dinner, and he always did the washing up, and it was just nice to have a full house for once. 

But, it was still weird. Because they were - they weren’t friends, were they? That wasn't the right term for it. But, Tom didn’t hate Harry, either. And he knew that this would be good for Louis and Harry, no matter how weird they felt about it. It was easy for Tom to act as a buffer between them, was the thing. Because everyone knew that Tom would take Louis’ side when he had to, but he cut the tension a little bit, making Harry feel at home by talking about fashion and new restaurants, serial killer TV shows he was binge-watching, and all about reality TV. And he always made Louis feel at home since Louis swore Tom  _ was _ his home. And it just - they were making progress. Niall even saw it. 

Tom just - he wasn't prepared for how fucking  _ horrible _ Harry was going to be. 

Tom was up early, as usual, having finished his jog and workout before the sun was even up. He had a few meetings to go to today, to talk with his lawyers about how he would handle taking a break in regards to the people he employs. He hadn’t quite talked to Louis about it yet because it wasn't a sure thing, but he knew Louis would be thrilled. It was causing him a fair bit of stress, however, because his agent was pushing him to do  _ more more more _ , and Tom just - he didn’t want to. He wanted to be able to stand in the wings of the stage as his husband slowly made thousands of people fall in love with him over the course of a handful of songs. He wanted to help him pick out red carpet outfits and listen to the interviews he did. And right now, Tom wasn’t getting to do any of that, spending his free time instead locked in their basement-turned-yoga-zen room. Stretching out the vertebrae in his spine in a downward dog as his eyes stayed fixed on the script below him, running his lines over and over. It was full of costume fittings and photo shoots and missed calls and texts he didn’t have time to answer. 

Just thinking about it was giving him anxiety. 

He texted his assistant to see if he could get in with his chiropractor because his whole body was tense. He went back to stretching, reciting his lines out loud as he breathed. Trying to relax but doing the one thing that stressed him out. 

“I didn’t know you did yoga,” Harry mentioned, his voice soft. 

Thomas didn’t know how long he had been standing there for. “Every single day, usually twice.” He said.

“You look tense,” Was Harry’s only reply. “Do you want me to help you work out some of those knots in your back?”

It was a nice offer, really, but he needed to have these scenes memorized by tomorrow. He didn’t really have time to mess around. “I don’t know. I’m trying to get a chiropractor appointment in,” He explained. 

Harry shrugged and gave a soft smile, putting some headphones in his ears. “Well, alright. Don’t mind me..” he said, as he unrolled his own mat. “Would make you feel better though,” he insisted. 

He was right. And the more Tom thought about it, the more his lower back was aching for some attention. “You think you could get them?” 

Harry nodded, smiling a bit. He pulled out his headphones and set them aside, cracking his knuckles as he walked over. “Lay down, flat on your chest.” He said.

Tom complied, and before he could say anything else, Harry was kneeling beside him. Tom watched him rub his hands together slowly, before letting them gently work into the knots in Tom’s back. He sighed softly, relaxing his head against his forearms. “This feels amazing,” he admitted. “Where did you learn how to do this?”

“I’ve known for a while,” He explained. “I may have taken a course or two here and there. Everyone loves a good massage.”

_ Yes, that is true _ , Tom thought as he closed his eyes. “You always think about other people instead of yourself. What kind of popstar are you?” It was teasing, lighthearted.

Harry didn’t seem to take it that way, working his thumbs a bit harder into the knot he was relaxing, but it wasn't anything Tom couldn’t handle. “We both know that I have my selfish moments…”

The room quieted after that, their breathing and their heartbeats the only noise that Tom could distinguish. He didn’t know how to reply to that. “You - you have to forgive yourself eventually, Harry. What you did was wrong, but not unforgivable. Someone can be forgiven for anything as long as they’re really sorry.”

His hands paused, Tom could feel them shaking against his skin. “Do you really believe that?”

He nodded, eyes opening to glance back at him. “Of course I do,” He reasoned. “There’s no such thing as a perfect person. We’ve all made mistakes, you know.”

Harry sat back on his calves, looking at Tom with his brow raised. “How can you even say that? My mistake ruined Louis’ entire life.”

Tom sat up at that, laughing a bit. “Really, Harry?”

Harry was just staring at him, emerald eyes full of confusion. Apparently, Tom was going to have to break this down for him, into bite-size pieces. 

“You broke him. Into a thousand fractions of the person he was. That’s pretty awful, I’ll give you that,” Harry cringed a bit, he noticed. “But you didn’t  _ ruin _ him. Especially not his entire life. Because if you’d have never broken his heart and left without calling, he wouldn’t have found  _ me _ . He’s better than he ever was, and while it’s fucking shit that it took that much pain for it to happen, he needed to go through it to become who he is. He’s smart and funny, considerate without being condescending. He stands up for himself now and knows his opinion matters. When the people who loved him came to pick up the pieces, it made him stronger than he’d ever been. So Harry - what you did was awful. And stupid and rude. But you didn’t invent the wheel. Men have cheated before you, and they’ve cheated after you. His world doesn’t revolve around you anymore. You’re not the sun,  _ he is _ , and that’s exactly  _ why _ you can be forgiven - because you have no power over him anymore.”

Harry nodded, and he seemed to really be taking Tom’s words to heart. “You know, that’s not the only reason I’m selfish.”

He said it like it was important, like it was a competition that they were in, and Harry wanted to top Thomas’ expectations somehow. “And how is that?” He asked, measured.

Harry shrugged a bit, running his fingers through his hair, leaning in a little bit. “I want shit that I can’t have. Like - that I know I shouldn’t want. I just - I know what limits are, but I also know how far I can  _ press _ them…”

And by the end, Harry was so close to him that he could feel his breath on his lips, could practically taste the tea he’d had for breakfast. He swallowed a bit. “That doesn’t mean you’re selfish. It means you have no self-control,” He conceded. “It means that you want things you can’t have. That you’re addicted to this idea of what  _ could _ be, instead of what actually is.” He patted Harry’s cheek softly. “Don’t get lost in the delusion. Don’t see it for something it’s not.” He moved to scoot away, but Harry’d grabbed his ankle, pulling him right back over. And  _ fuck _ , he always remembered how large Harry’s hands were at the most inopportune moments. 

“I think, T,” He said, softly. “That you like the chase just as much as I do.”

“I think, H,” He said, meeting his eyes. “That your kink is the chasing. Everyone loves to be chased and feel wanted. You get off on other people’s high. Don’t you?”

He gave a coy shrug, but his shorts weren’t doing much to hide the bulge inside him. Tom couldn’t blame him much, he was half hard himself. 

“You get off on the idea of you being so wanted by everyone else, that they’d drop absolutely everything just to be with you, even if you can’t settle for just them. Watching someone fall apart on your kitchen counter, just to leave later to go so you can go fuck your boyfriend that same night?” He’d never talked about it so candidly before. He’d also never talked about it with Harry before. “I wonder if he could smell it on you. You know that he’d figured it out, right? I wonder if he still let you fuck him because he was using  _ you _ , not the other way around. What if that was it? What if you never had the power, all along?”

Harry’s eyes were dazed. His lip was bitten, and fuck, Tom had meant to be a bit sassy and tease him, but he hadn’t been expecting this. 

“Well, I guess it’s yours to consider now. I have to go run my lines with Louis before I pop out to the shops. Enjoy the yoga studio,” He smirked. “But not too much, okay?”

He stood and walked out before Harry could even reply. Because he had to tell Louis this, he would get a  _ kick _ out of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the long wait!! i have doubled the chapter length for the second half of the story, so i hope you guys forgive me for it!! 
> 
> i've also made a tumblr so that you guys can ask questions, read sneak peeks, see the kind of things i love, and submit ideas. i'm currently finishing up this story and working on a kink fic, and if you head there and dig a bit, you'll be able to find a little sneak peek of it! i'm so, so excited to share that one with you guys! so, [find me on tumblr here](https://warmcuppatea-ao3.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> please leave comments if you are enjoying this story. i want to write what you guys like and are interested to read, so help motivate me! also I apologize for any errors - i don't have a beta and my computer is fucking around so it's not very edited lol.
> 
> what was your favorite part? let me know in the comments xx


	7. six - dancing on tables, i'm off my face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so, so long overdue! if you have been patiently waiting, thank you! if you just found this story, enjoy the ride!
> 
> biggest, most love-filled thank yous to [ireallysawanangel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsontheory/pseuds/crimsontheory) for the wonderful beta job and [runaway-train-works](https://archiveofourown.org/users/runaway_train) for britpicking this chapter, and the entire story! these girls really motivated me to finish this chapter the way I envisioned it in my head, and helped me get to where I wanted to go. go check out their works also!
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> \- molls

Tom was packing, and Louis didn’t have much he wanted to say to him. 

Well, that wasn't true. He wanted to say  _ I’m sorry, forgive me, I didn’t mean it that way, Thomas, I love you _ , and so many other things. But at the same time, he  _ didn’t _ want to say that. Didn’t want to apologize for how he was feeling or for expressing his thoughts and concerns. He was confused and sad but he wasn't about to start saying shit he didn’t mean, just to make Tom feel better himself. 

Tom was methodical with it, going through their wardrobe first for casual outfits, then a few dressy ones. He packed his favorite shoes, board shorts, a few snapbacks that he wore frequently. Louis couldn’t help but just sit next to his suitcase on the bed, wishing T would say something, wishing he would make his usual comments about wishing he could fit Louis inside his carry-on.

He didn’t say a word, barely even looked at Louis, actually.

All too soon, he was zipping his suitcase. It shook Louis out of his thoughts and made him realize that Tom was ready to leave, his backpack on his shoulders and his shoes tied neatly. 

“So -” Louis’ voice was shaky. He didn’t know how to do this. “How long are you going for, again?”

He sounded pathetic, but he couldn’t help it. Tom was his whole world and his entire heart and he’d gone and fucked it up, and  _ jesus, _ they’d never fought like this before… Ever. 

Tom’s face softened a little, though. “Two and a half months, to film the remake in New Bern, North Carolina. Nothing we haven’t done before.” He explained, patient as ever. And even though Louis knew he was angry and frustrated, it didn’t reach his tone of voice now. “Louis-”

“Tom-” They said at the same time, both looking at each other in silence before Louis finally broke it. “I don’t want us to go like this.”

Thomas sighed, regripping his suitcase in his hands. “It’s for the best, you know it.”

“Is this really what you want?” He asked, because if it wasn't, it didn’t matter if it was for the best or not.

Tom swallowed, before licking his lips. “Yeah,” He said, and straightened his shoulders. “It is. It’s what’s best.”

Louis sighed and closed his eyes, feeling Tom kiss his forehead, before hearing him walk right out the door. 

✭✭✭

“So, lads, here’s where we’re at,” Simon said, gesturing to the powerpoint presentation that was currently being projected onto Tom’s wall. “As you can see, we have a  _ lot _ of work to do.”

Tom really couldn’t help but tune out a little bit, pulling his phone out and responding to some emails of his own. Of course, he wanted to be a supportive husband to Louis, but in the same turn, he didn’t understand half the stuff Simon was going on about, knew nothing about projections for the music industry, and didn’t actually have a say in anything that was happening. 

Liam was standing too, shaking his head a bit. “So, where we’re at now is that fan interaction is through the roof. We’ve signed back on with Syco for 3 more albums, picked up some old sponsors like Coca Cola and Honda, so we’re fully funded for a tour and whatnot. That’s the good news. The bad news - we need more partnerships. Louis, Harry, we  _ need _ you reaching out to friends in the business, across the aisle even, and getting these collaborations going. Jeff’s reached out to Spotify to see if we can get a Secret Session in before we leave LA in a few weeks, but we need to get more than that. A song on an advertisement, cool music video features, and a diverse opening act for this tour we’re trying to arrange. 

Harry nodded a bit. “I’ve got a writing session booked with my old band. We’ve got some unfinished pieces that seem promising, and I’m looking to get Kasey Musgraves on a track.”

Louis was typing away on his own MacBook. “I’ve got studio time this week with Busted, and I think I’m still owed a favor from Bebe, I’ll see what strings I can pull. Otherwise I was going to try to get one of the X Factor America judges to send me some of their current hopefuls, get some stateside presence coming.”

Jeff nodded. “I like it. Keep hustling. We need some soundtrack; something that can win huge that’ll get stuck in everyone’s heads. Let’s make that the focus, okay?”

Tom shook his head, leaning into Louis. “That’s the best part about being an actor. People give  _ me _ their shit, and I just have to memorize it.”

Louis gave a laugh, shaking his head. “Oh, darling. You mean you wouldn’t want to have to write  _ and _ act in a movie? It’s okay, generally we like it, but it just seems people are slow to put their faith in us again after the quick break-up and dissolution.”

“ _ That’s _ exactly it. So, lads. Niall is emailing out to our contacts and seeing if he can get any leads, but think of your  _ own _ contact. H, do you still keep in contact with Sheeran?” A nod, and Simon was continuing on. “Follow that rabbit hole. Everyone in this room is going to have to work hard for this to pick up and start floating. Questions before we move on?”

✭✭✭

“Oh, Harry, You  _ have  _ to come see this script that T got in the mail!”

Harry had been expecting to stay mostly to himself today, really, because the bustle of press conferences and writing sessions, along with focusing on fan interaction on social media was a lot for him. He just - he wasn't built like Louis, it never came as naturally for Harry as it had for him. He needed time to decompress, needed his personal space bubble, his own room to breathe and think clearly. He’d done his yoga this morning (and was disappointed to realize that Tom had already finished his own) before taking a trip out to the shops for a smoothie. Mostly to show a bit of face and get papped, but he didn’t mind it much. He’d planned on coming back to Louis’ and Tom’s, settling down with some Netflix and a veggie tray someone at the label had sent him as a congratulations for the news. 

But those plans were abandoned quickly, because as much as he liked the solitude, he had missed Louis’ antics a bit more than he’d ever admit out loud. There was always  _ something _ interesting going on or something he’d heard that he needed to spill. Truly, there was never a dull moment around Louis. As he entered the room, he and Tom shared a look. Harry didn’t exactly know what it meant, but he was hoping it was something promising.

He let himself walk over, licking his lips as he sat down on Tom’s other side. “Hm, what do we have here?”

Tom shook his head and laughed. “I - well. They’re making a revival of  _ The Notebook _ , and they want me to star in it. And-”

“Oh god,” Harry paled. “T, tell me you’re saying no. You can’t do my favorite movie wrong.”

Louis snickered beside him, and Tom just rolled his eyes at Harry’s drama. “That was my initial reaction. Because who would ever remake  _ The Notebook, _ right? But - my manager had me read it, and the thing is - it’s actually brilliant. They’re not trying to modernize it or anything, just doing a good classic again, with current celebrities.”

Louis took the sides from Tom’s hand, passing them to Harry. “Look. I mean,  _ look, _ ” He encouraged, so Harry did.

His eyes scanned the papers, and he quickly realized that it was one of his favorite scenes, the stoplight scene. It seemed to be well-written enough, but his breath caught. “What-”

“A gay Notebook,” Tom shook his head and smiled. “I just - I never thought the day would come, that representation like that would come.” He sighed a bit, and Harry realized all at once that this meant way more to Tom than he had initially realized. “This - this movie would’ve made all the difference for me when I was younger. To see a boy love another boy like that? Out loud and unashamed? It would’ve changed everything.”

He sounded emotional just talking about it, and Harry could understand why. He knew Tom had struggled with finding himself in his sexuality. He knew it hadn’t been as black and white as it had been for Harry. “Well, you’re gonna have the chance to change  _ so _ many lives, T. That’s - fuck, that’s amazing.”

Tom bit his lip a bit and Harry heard Louis sigh. So, there was more to the story than just a script. 

“Thomas is trying to tell me that he’s going to say no to what could be the role of his lifetime. The kind of film that awards actors achievement awards and academy awards. Harry - tell him that this opportunity is  _ way _ too good to pass up.” 

Louis looked expectant, as if there was no  _ option _ but for Harry to agree with him. But did he? Tom probably had reasons he might turn the role down; with the small amount of acting Harry had done, he realized very well that you couldn’t just take every role that came your way. But on the other side of the token, this could change the lives of so many young people struggling with their sexuality. Harry had been there before. He had no fucking idea  _ what _ to say, so he just looked between them. 

“Louis, I already told you that I would think about it,” Tom tried, and even Harry could tell he didn’t want to be pressed about this. But, Louis was never one to respect someone else’s opinion, always believing ( _ with the best intentions _ , Harry gently reminded himself) that his opinion was more thought out and correct than anyone else’s.

“Thomas,” He said, eyebrows raised. “Think of little T, and how much his closeted, gay self needed  _ exactly this _ . How can you say no? How can you let this pass you by?”

And, that was a lot of pressure for Louis to put on Tom’s shoulders. “I mean,” Harry nudged in, gently, “It’s not like there aren’t other actors who could do the role,” Harry tried to reason. “Of course I think you’re phenomenal, T. But if you don’t think it’s the role for you, just pass.”

Louis rolled his eyes, and after all the years they’d spent apart, Harry had forgotten how dramatic Louis could be. “They want him as a pinch hitter.” Harry didn’t know what that was, and it must’ve been obvious. “The original actor they chose dropped out. Filming starts in just over a week, and they need an answer.”

Tom took the script back into his own hands before tossing it onto the table. “Listen - I get that you guys are trying to help. Really, I do. But I can handle making my own career decisions! And there is  _ so  _ much more to consider than just if I want to do it or not. Does it fit with prior commitments? How will it work with your schedule?” He directed at Louis. “A cost-benefit analysis of the salary, how much press work I’ll have to do… Just because I needed something like this when I was younger doesn’t make it black and white. It’s important, but it doesn’t have to be  _ me _ .”

Louis rolled his eyes, and if Harry had half a brain, he’d of left then. The room was already settling into an uncomfortable silence, but he couldn’t find it in him to get up and  _ move _ .

“Thomas.” Louis started, daggers in his eyes, and  _ yikes _ , Louis never used his full name in  _ that _ tone. “Why are you being like this? Why do you continually pretend like you give absolutely no fucks, just so that it’s convenient for you?”

Tom turned to face him. “Uh, what the fuck does that mean?”

Harry stood up, coughing awkwardly, “I think I need some water,” He mumbled, before walking off towards the door.

Neither of them seemed to care. “What I mean,” Louis explained, “Is that you know what you have to do. What on earth could stop you from doing it, really?”

Harry closed the door behind him, leaning back against it with his eyes closed. Louis and Tom never argued. It was honestly hard to hear.

“Maybe I don’t want to be away from you for ten weeks, Louis, did you ever consider that? Consider  _ what’s _ happening in these ten weeks? What could be some of the biggest moments of your career, my birthday, our anniversary... I know being away is easy for you, because it’s filled with screaming fans and a band you’ve had for years, and Niall and Liam, but I’m by myself almost all the time. And for fucking  _ once _ , we would get to have some time together. But fuck that, because  _ you _ think you get to decide my career moves and motives, and that’s unattractive as fuck, Louis. And I’m not some fucking gay superhero. It’s not  _ my job _ to save every fucking kid whose afraid to come out. I was afraid and I did it myself! So, stop putting the persecution of gay youths on  _ me. _ ”

That seemed to make Louis backtrack. “Hey, Tom, come on-”

“Leave me alone right now. I really, honestly, can’t even look at you.” He heard Tom say, his voice so low that even Harry was threatened. “Haven’t you ever thought that maybe, there’s more to the story than just the angle it will spin for your own career?”

Harry cringed a little bit, because this was  _ not  _ going to end well now. 

“ _ My _ career is doing just fine right now,” Louis defended, and Harry could just imagine that his fists were balled up by his sides. 

“And mine is  _ even better _ . Doesn’t it just kill you that you’re not the center of attention right now? That quite possibly, my every move is as important as yours?” Tom paused, and Harry couldn’t tell what was happening for a second. “I’m at the top of my game, what do you have to say for yourself?”

There was some banging and a crash, before Tom was really yelling, and that’s what finally convinced Harry to push off the door and walk away. 

✭✭✭

The only logical thing to do, in Louis’ mind, was to go out that night.

It’d been awhile since he’d properly had a lads night out, but this felt like the right reason to have one. Him and Tom had gotten into what was probably the biggest fight of their marriage, Tom had stormed off and offhandedly mentioned that he’d be back the next day, and Louis was mad and hurt and confused and upset.

Mad, because it was like Tom didn’t need him sometimes. He was used to people  _ desiring _ him - and usually, Tom did. But as of late, it was like Tom hated the idea of Louis having a say. Sure, the focus lately had been on Louis’ career and One Direction, but they always talked about roles and opportunities. It felt like Tom didn’t value his opinion at all. Hurt, because it was moments like these that just sucked to be a celebrity. He had to save face. He had to pretend like everything was fine because he was sure that’s what Tom was doing. Confused, because he didn’t understand why this role was setting Thomas off like a firecracker. They’d hoped and dreamed for years of the role that would set him aside as an actor; the  _ dream _ job that would make a difference and make everything he’d ever worked for make sense finally. And to Louis, this was it.  Upset, because Tom’s first defense was to knock Louis down. Make him feel small and unimportant, and he was neither of those things.

He could handle it coming from anyone else, but not Tom.    


So, he dragged Harry with him for a night out. The paparazzi were crawling all over them, eating up every single picture they could get, and he was sure Jeff and Liam would be thanking him for his brilliant idea in the morning. They - along with some mutual LA friends - had started off at the hot nightclub downtown. Harry knew someone who had reserved them the VIP section, and they stayed for a few hours.

He was out on the dance floor, feeling the alcohol running through his veins as he took the last sip of his Corona. He’d worked up a sweat, because he was drunk and loved dancing and it was so hot in there, so many people had invited friends that the VIP section felt like its very own crowded club. And for not the first time, in a room full of people Louis felt utterly alone. Harry was being chatted up by two girls who probably wanted to fuck him, which was fine. There were lots of people staring at Louis who probably wanted to approach him but didn’t, either because they were afraid or because he had a husband, which was also fine… But it left him feeling like his world was a fucking fishbowl, like he was a show pony just here for other people to watch. And things were making a little more sense and his head was getting less dizzy, and he just wasn't ready to sober up yet. 

He wiggled his way back to the bar, rubbing his face a bit. “I’ll take a double shot of patron, no salt, and then another Corona,” He said, because even though the bar was filled with people waiting for drinks, he was still the center of attention. The bartender stopped what he was doing to make Louis’ shot and open his beer, setting them on the bar for him. He looked at it, and felt his stomach fall a bit. A room full of people who supposedly knew him or loved him, and he was reduced to doing shots by himself.  _ Well, _ Louis figured,  _ what a better time to stick to my mantra _ .

He felt his emotions welling up inside him, so he just shook his head and downed his double shot, because really, it didn’t matter anyway. 

✭

When  Louis woke up, he found himself passed out on one of the couches in the VIP lounge. Everyone was gone, and apparently even Harry had left him.

The bartender was sweeping the floor, and he gave him a sad look. “Your friend paid half the tab.” As if it made a difference. “Everyone said the rest was on you.”  _ Of course they did _ .

He looked like he knew who he and Harry were and was trying to downplay it. Louis could work with that. “Mmm. Can I get a beer for this hangover? I’ll close out my tab after that.”

He nodded and set his broom down, walking back behind the bar. As he washed his hands, he looked at Louis. “So, did you find whatever you were looking for last night?”

Louis just shrugged. “Couldn’t even tell you what I was looking for, let alone if I found it or not.”

“Fair,” He said, drying his hands off before setting a water down on the bar first and motioning to it. “Try a few sips of that first, okay?”

He got up from the couch he’d been sleeping on, sitting down on the barstool and taking a sip. “Thanks. So - did I do anything stupid, then? Because I don’t remember much of it.”

The bartender shrugged a bit, resting his towel over his shoulder. “I mean, I don’t think so. Nothing you’re not known for. You know - climbing on the table tops, buying rounds of shots, the whole deal.”

He cracked a smile, even though his head was pounding. “So, you  _ do _ know who I am.”

He laughed a bit, before pouring a water for himself. “I do,” He admitted. “My boyfriend used to be in love with you. He’ll be properly jealous when I finally tell him that I got to tend your bar tonight.”

Louis smiled a little bit more. “Aw. That’s cute.”

He shrugged, sighing. “I guess it should be - him and I got into a huge row before I came into work yesterday. Just - about stupid shit, you know? And it’s hard because I’ll be mad at him, and yet he’s the only person I want to see, all the same.”

Louis gave a bitter laugh, taking a sip of his water so he wouldn’t start crying. “Trust me, I know what you mean.”

“I kind of figured,” He admitted. “Your husband tried to come in last night, and Harry told him it wasn't for the best that he did. Took him off the guest list and whatnot. It didn’t seem like Thomas was mad either, but I know what that shit feels like.”

That was news to Louis. He was sure Tom would have tons of questions by the time he got home. “Thanks.” Was all he could muster up.

“No problem. Here’s that Corona, I believe you were taking them with an extra lime last night,” He said, before setting it down. “And your bill, in case you’re ready to go. If you need anything else, let me know.”

The bartender went back to sweeping, as Louis finished his water. He went straight for the beer, because he really didn’t want a horrible hangover and beer was usually the answer. After a few sips, he finally got the nerve to check his phone. Missed calls and texts from Harry and Thomas, but not much else. It was 4:45 am, so the worst of the night was behind him. He texted his security for a ride, because he’d been dropped off and had no other way home.

He finally grabbed the bill, looking it over. It was less than he expected for the crowd they’d amassed, probably because Harry paid half the tab. It was sitting right at $8,500, so he made it an even $10,000. It didn’t make much of a difference to him, but he knew it’d probably make the bartender’s year. 

His beer was finished in a few minutes, and his guard was parked out back. 

“Mr. Tomlinson,” Someone, probably the bar manager, came in and said. “Your ride is out our service exit, whenever you’re ready to go.”

He nodded and took a few more sips of his water. “So,” Louis looked back at the bartender. “D’you think you and your boyfriend will figure things out, then?”

“I think so,” He smiled. “You know, when it’s the right person, the stupid shit tends to fall away. I just love him so much, that I’ll get over being ill about it.”

Louis nodded, smiling. “I hope so. Sounds like you two have something pretty special.” He stood up, and the bartender gestured for him to follow him back through the employee corridor. 

“D’you think you and Tom will be okay?” He asked, as he lead Louis to the back exit.

Louis nodded. “We always are. We just - don’t fight. Ever. What you see is really what you get. And that’s the worst part. I hate fighting with him.” He said, sighing.

The barkeep clapped his shoulder, smiling. “You two - you’ve changed  _ everything _ for people like me. If it’s meant to be, you’ll fix things. Sometimes, you can love someone so much that you feel suffocated by them. It just means you need some time alone and some room to breathe, and that’s okay. We’re always here if you need a drink and a night away from your worries.”

Louis smiled a bit, thanking him and heading out to his car.

 

The house was empty when he got there, and while he missed Thomas’ smiling face, he figured that perhaps the bartender was right and they both just needed some breathing room. So he got some water and some ibuprofen, settling down into bed just as the sun was coming up.

✭✭✭

Stardom had been something that Louis had always dreamed of, but never  _ anticipated _ . He’d written a lot of songs with a lot of people - people who could look back and say that they just  _ knew _ they would beat the odds, be the one in a million. But it really all caught Louis by surprise. Some days, he’d stand in the mirror and just stare, looking at the ink on his body, the ring on his finger, and the smile in his eyes ; realizing that if it were not for some loving fans, a sprinkle of luck, and someone who believed in him that he would be living a very different life. 

Today seemed to be one of those days. He’d woken up to the sun rising, which was a rare sight for him to see since he was a notorious oversleeper. Tom was asleep in bed next to him, and Louis laid there, watching the sun rise from the bed in their cabana. They’d fallen asleep there after a night of sex on the beach and weed-induced giggles, their skin naked and touching like clothes didn’t even exist. They’d spared no expense for this honeymoon - having opted for a private island in the middle of nowhere, only reachable by coordinate GPS. It was the kind of place people got deserted on in movies about plane crashes, the kind no one would be able to find even if they tried. He remembered asking Thomas where he wanted to go, since the wedding itself had been more for Louis. He brought up Aspen and Amsterdam, Fiji and St. Marteen, Mexico and Belize, but Tom shook his head. He’d insisted on just staying in their new home together for their honeymoon, because he just wanted to be  _ alone _ and they’d get followed anywhere else, even if they both needed and deserved a holiday. So, Louis made sure they were alone. They’d been dropped off by boat the morning before, just their suitcases and a few crates of food and supplies. The man sailing the boat didn’t speak English, and he seemed older than Louis’ grandparents. So, their secret location was safe. They’d cooked food over an open fire and fed each other grapes off the vine, sipping cocktails that Tom had shaken himself, telling stories of his days as a bartender from before he made it big. They’d had sex - in the ocean, on the sand, in their bed, on the floor, in the makeshift kitchen, and outside in the open cabana, because they could and the night air was the perfect temperature. They’d fallen asleep not long after, since they were both exhausted from the wedding two days prior.

Louis was standing just feet away from Tom at the basin in the cabana, looking into the mirror. He had tattoos of beautiful words and places he never wanted to forget, tattoos for lovers past and present, for his family. Hickeys on his neck, trailing down over his shoulder, where he couldn’t see. A wedding band on his left hand, where he thought he’d never see one because he never thought he’d find someone who could love him like  _ that _ , love him like he was worthy of love. 

But, here he was.

He remembered the night prior, both of them laughing as they fucked, because Tom’s knee had slipped in some spilled lube and he’d landed  _ hard _ right on Louis’ chest. He remembered wanting to feel that way forever, so open and unashamed. So in love that he wanted to get to a place where no one remembered them without  _ each other _ . He remembered looking at the stars in the sky, tracing them on Tom’s back with his fingers, connecting is freckles to match the sight before him, leaving hickeys where there wasn't a freckle to connect. He’d never trusted someone more, never felt so whole and in love, never felt so worthy of love. 

For the first time in a long time, he thought of Harry, and how even if he hated to admit it, he wouldn’t be  _ here _ without him. One Direction wouldn’t have sold without that smirk and those dimples. They made it big  _ together _ , after separate auditions and a shared dream. Even if it all fell apart when Harry threw everything with Louis away, he knew that ultimately he had Harry to thank for this - the love of his entire  _ life _ .

✭

A week and a half flew by faster than either of them expected. Louis’ skin was tan and toned and Tom looked similar, both covered in bruises and hickeys under their clothes that their respective make-up artists would curse their names for, their bodies aching from positions held, being opened slowly, fucked bare, and being on their knees for each other so often. Before they knew it, they were packed up and home, washing sand off of themselves for the last time. Their mums had helped move in their furniture, and kept a watchful eye on the interior designers as they finished up the final touches while they were away. They’d  _ oooh’d and aww’d _ together at their first home, their new place where they’d live as husbands together, for the first time. No more determining whose flat to stay at, or trying to remember which place they’d left the item they were looking for. They dried from their shower and shared a few kisses against the bathroom countertop, before Tom reluctantly pulled away. Louis couldn’t help but pout at him. 

“I know,” Tom sighed, stroking Louis’ cheek with his fingers softly. “But I’m gonna miss my flight. And I’ve already delayed filming with the honeymoon..”

He trailed off like he wasn't convinced, though. “I know,” Louis said, his fingers combing through Tom’s wet hair. “But Ontario is  _ so far away _ .”

“Just barely over a three hour flight, if you want to visit…” Tom tried, smiling. “Come  _ on, _ you’ll love it there. It’s one of my favorite places to film.”

Louis’ pout was back. “Sixteen hours from London just about, where I’m due back day after next.”

Tom frowned and nodded. They’d left each other before, but now they were  _ married _ . And they just wanted to be together, but they both were slated for a busy year. No amount of convincing could change contracted obligations. Sooner than he’d hoped, Tom’s driver was outside, and his suitcase was almost full on the bed, next to where Louis was sitting. 

“Maybe, if I ship out my clothes, I can fit  _ you _ inside my carry-on instead?” Tom asked, settling down onto Louis’ lap, kissing at his pout.

Louis tried to stay pouting, but it was hard when Tom made him so  _ happy _ . “I am rather teeny,” He said, shrugging. “And used to being in…  _ Interesting _ positions.”

Tom’s breath caught, probably flashing back to the third night of their honeymoon, on the beach, when Louis had let Tom tie him up for the first time. He remembered how Tom’s hands were shaking, but how he’d been so  _ good _ at it. “You can’t just bring that up, right before I’m set to leave,” Tom tried. “But you’re right… We could fit you in there. Maybe next time.”

Louis laughed , his arms finally wrapping around him, giving up his pouting persona. “Yeah, maybe next time,” He said, leaning his head on Tom’s shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you, superstar.”

Tom’s strong arms wrapped around him also. “I’ll miss you loads, popstar. But I’ll always be right here in your heart and only a phone call away, okay?” Louis nodded, before reluctantly letting him go. He could hear his driver honking outside. Tom got up and zipped his suitcase, before giving him a final, sweet kiss. “Six weeks will be over before we know it.”

Louis nodded, though he wasn't convinced. “I love you so much,  _ husband _ .”

“I love you too,  _ husband _ .” Tom’s smile was bright as he said the  _ h _ word, the one they’d waited so long to say. “I’ll FaceTime you right when I land, okay?”

“You better. Otherwise I’ll fly right out there to make sure you’re well, contracts be damned.” Louis said, both laughing.

“I expect nothing less from you, Lous. I love you. Now, get some rest before you’re meant to start packing.” He said, kissing his forehead once more, before picking up his case.

Louis nodded and followed him downstairs. He gave him a last, sweet kiss, before he closed the door behind him. He crossed the room to stand by the bay window, watching Tom put his suitcase in the boot before getting in the car, waving the whole time as he drove away, still waving until the car was completely out of sight.

He wrapped his arms around himself, stepping away from the window. Here he was, in this empty house. He felt more alone than he had in a long time. He debated calling Tom, since it was a bit of a drive to the airport. He debated calling his mum, since he hadn’t talked to her since the wedding. Neither seemed like too good of an idea, since he had to learn to say goodbye to Thomas on his own and be fine, as this would be a regular part of their life as husbands. 

For the first time in a long time, he wanted to call Harry. He’d been there for so many hard goodbyes, been there when Louis first moved out of his mum’s, when they left for their ten-month tour for the first time, when he’d have to leave his baby siblings who barely knew who he was. He missed that deep, syrupy-slow voice that knew just what to say.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and clicked his contact. He stared at it for awhile, realizing that he’d never changed the name from  _ hazza _ with two hearts next to it, and the picture was still one of them kissing. It felt dirty to call him, because Louis had a  _ husband _ now - one that he never wanted to hurt.

So he locked his phone and headed back upstairs to get some rest, just like Tom had suggested. Because even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t let himself go running back to Harry. His life was complete without him.

✭✭✭  
  


“Hi - how are you guys doing?” 

Tom’s leg was bouncing from nerves. His manager had insisted (a bit rudely, if you ask Tom) that even though he wasn't sure about the role, that he still audition just in case. Because of the short notice, he was still slated to do a radio show the next morning to promote his current film, and he had a thing to attend with Louis and Harry that night. So, he had no time to fly out to North Carolina to meet the director and see what they were currently shooting (lots of background and scenic work) like he’d wanted to, instead opting for a FaceTime audition.

The director smiled brightly. “We’re doing wonderful over here, today we’re getting some coastal panoramics for some scene changes,” He explained, before flipping the camera so that Tom could see. 

It was beautiful and blue and cloudy and  _ amazing _ . He’d not been to North Carolina before. “Looks stunning.” He smiled.

The director turned the camera back to himself, where he was smiling. “Listen, Thomas. We’ve been in talks with your manager, and we know you’re hesitant. I understand that because of the rigor of the shooting schedule, ten consecutive weeks away is a lot to ask, especially with everything going on in your personal lives. But I think we can make this mutually beneficial.”

Tom pursed his lips. “Okay, I’m listening.”

He rattled off some ‘perks’, most of which were expected by now from Tom. A private dressing room, catered lunches, a personal wardrobe and makeup person for himself, et cetera. The promo deal didn’t sound too extensive; surely this movie would sell itself. Tom nodded along, before the director broke out into a grin.

“And lastly, we’ve been in talks with Jeff Azoff and Liam Payne this week. I think we can cut a deal for them to do the title song to the movie, if you’ll agree to be our Noah.”

Tom tried not to change his facial expression. “You - reached out to my husband’s managers? I didn’t know this was a three-way deal.” He said simply.

The director frowned a bit. “No, no. Your manager actually said it would help do the convincing on your end. We would never breach your privacy like that.”

“Interesting, uh-” Tom didn’t really know what to say. “Well, I’m still in talks over this. Nothing certain yet. I only just got the script yesterday and all.”

“Of course, we want you to feel confident with your decision. How about we run through the sides, okay?”

Tom nodded and began to read, trying to push away the sinking feeling in his stomach.

✭✭✭

Louis was still hungover when Tom got home that afternoon - propped up on the couch with a bag of pretzels and a La Croix, but just from his presence, he could tell that there was something wrong. Thomas just seemed out of it, slamming the front door behind him without care. He locked eyes with Louis and Louis noticed that he softened a bit, but not as much as usual.

“T,” he said slowly, frowning. “I’m sorry. I hate fucking fighting with you. You know that. We just - both have opinions on this and that’s okay. Can’t we just put this fight behind us?”

Tom’s expression softened more. He crossed the room in a few steps before sitting down beside Louis. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed his forehead, and Louis couldn’t help but lean into him. It was true - they both hated when they fought. And this was seemingly no exception. 

“We can try,” Tom said after a minute of silence, Louis held close in his arms. It helped to break any fear he had over that sentence. “I just - I need to make my own career moves, baby. What’s right for  _ me _ , not us. Of course, I’d never do anything to set you back - but I don’t think I’m going to take the film.”

Louis chewed his lip a little, before nodding. It just didn’t make  _ any _ sense to him. “Okay. Can you help me understand why?”

“It just doesn’t feel right, right now. It feels a bit rushed and while I think the project will do amazing, I’m going to miss out on a lot. Like we already discussed, our anniversary, my birthday, and all the amazing things happening for you and H. This - this is one of the biggest moments of  _ your _ life, and I don’t want to miss it all.” Tom spoke slowly, as if to make sure what little of a temper he had didn’t flare. “I love you so much. And I know we’ve grown so used to this superstar domesticity thing where we just meet in a random city around the world for lunch, but you’re my husband, Lou.” 

Louis met Tom’s eyes, and noticed how different they looked. He was trying to sound upbeat and happy but it looked like something was just tearing him apart inside. 

“I want more for us, babe. Better for us. We deserve to have something normal, and  _ ours.” _ He paused for a long moment, and Louis wished he could tell him to  _ hurry up and say it, already _ . “I’ve been thinking of taking a year off from doing new works, and I think I’m gonna go for it.”

That - didn’t make any sense to Louis. He thought back to the last few years of his life, and how chaotic it had been. The first year he and Tom had been married, they spent less than a third of it together. But they were always fine in the end. They celebrated each other’s successes and victories, as well as coping with each other’s losses and failures. He’d built a damn good career for himself after he’d left One Direction. It was a lot of work - work that he dreaded sometimes - but he’d  _ never _ look back and wished he’d changed anything about it.

What was breaking his heart, was that Tom didn’t seem to feel the same way. Tom looked a bit lost, and that wasn't something that Louis was used to seeing. He seemed like he really had no idea when his life had become a maze of flights, interviews, stolen kisses, and the occasional night in the same bed… Like he had been hoping for more from their marriage. For a short moment, Louis wondered if he wasn't enough for Tom - if what he had to offer him (the fame, the flashing lights, the screaming girls, and his  _ entire heart _ ) just wasn't enough to meet Tom’s needs.

When Louis took time to sit back and think about what made him grateful, what he should be happy for - his career was on the top of that list. His fans were overwhelming but  _ amazing _ in the most incredible way. He was writing the kind of music he loved with artists he’d looked up to since he was a kid. Performing in arenas reserved for the legends, hearing every word of every single song sung right back to him. 

He could never want  _ more _ , what more was there to want? He couldn’t imagine completely taking a year off. “What would you do?” He asked, because really, he couldn’t find more words than that. 

Tom flinched a little bit. Louis didn’t realize his words had come out so harshly. “I was going to come on tour with you - you’ve always said you wished I could…”

“I meant, like, if you were free. Not to take off work to come with me..” He pulled away from Tom’s embrace, turning to fully face him. “Why - don’t you love filming? Why would you want to come on the road with me for a year to be a groupie?”

Tom was rubbing his face with his palms, and  _ that _ was a bad sign. Louis must’ve said the  _ wrong _ thing. “Really, Louis? You’ve lamented for  _ years _ about how you wished I’d been able to come on the road with you. And when I say I can, you’re going to call me a  _ groupie? _ I’m your fucking  _ husband _ , Christ! I feel like you forget that sometimes!”

Tom was raising his voice now, and Louis sighed and rubbed his temples. Really, he was too hungover for this. “I’m really, really too hungover to be having this conversation with you right now, Tom.” He admitted, shaking his head.

Tom shook his head, laughing bitterly. “Of  _ course _ you are. Since, you know - You were out until the arsecrack of dawn last night with Harry, and you actually had the fucking  _ nerve _ to take my name off your guest list? I was going to just forgive and forget, but now that you got so sloshed that you can’t have a conversation with me, I’m not feeling it.”

“Here we fucking go!” Louis exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Everything I do is wrong in your eyes, T. Don’t you fucking see? And for the record, I didn’t know you even  _ tried _ to get in; Harry’s the one who took your name off. Probably because he didn’t want  _ this _ happening in the middle of the club. Who fucking knew,” Louis scoffed. “You just - have you ever considered that our relationship  _ works _ ? That this lifestyle we’ve found our way into  _ works?” _

Tom’s back straightened. “So you’re meaning to say that you  _ like _ only seeing me a few days a month?”

 

Louis sighed, because, “Of  _ course _ that isn’t what I mean, Thomas! Stop putting fucking words into my mouth! I’m just saying - we’re industry people. You do your work, I do mine, and we celebrate together. Grow together. Why on earth would you take a year off of what makes you the happiest?”

Tom opened his mouth to answer, before closing it. He was choosing his words carefully, Louis knew him well enough to know. He looked at Louis and shook his head. “It’s about the soundtrack for you, isn’t it?” He asked, voice low.

“What soundtrack? No - I just don’t understand why you’re quitting being an actor to come and watch me and Harry sing onstage everyday?”

Tom looked at him. “So you’re telling me you know  _ nothing _ about the soundtrack for  _ The Notebook _ ?”

“What is there to fucking know? You’re an actor, not a musician!” Louis couldn’t help but exasperate his words. “T, fucking  _ talk _ to me. What is going on? What the fuck has you so upset?”

Tom rubbed his hands over his face, before letting them run through his own hair. “Jeff and Liam have been in talks with my manager, apparently. And they’ve got this grand idea that if I do the movie, you and Harry can do the title song for it.”

Louis was quiet for a moment. “I mean, if you decide to do the movie, that would probably be amazing.” He said slowly. “I didn’t know they did that though..” He trailed. The longer he was silent, the more mad Tom looked. “I’m sorry? I really, truly, didn’t fucking know. Would it be an awful idea, though?”

That, right there, seemed to tip Tom over the edge.

“Are you fucking  _ dense _ , Louis? Of course I think it’s an awful idea. First off, because I’ve made it more than abundantly clear that I didn’t think I’d be doing the movie. Second, because  _ your management _ went behind  _ both _ of our backs to get this deal set in stone, which is more than a tad bit deceitful. And third, because you’re so quick to send me off to film for ten weeks, while you’re back with the ex-fucking-love-of-your-life!” He enunciated each word by hitting his palm down on his own thigh. Louis just watched, in shocked silence. “There’s no  _ way _ in hell he won’t try something with you the second I’m gone, the second you’re vulnerable to him.”

It just wasn't adding up for Louis. He had so much he wanted to say, but there was just one part he couldn’t get around. “What do you mean,  _ when I’m vulnerable to him _ ?”

“I mean, that the second I’m not standing right in front of your face, and you’re back singing sappy love songs that you wrote about him, you’ll completely forget about how much I’ve loved you, and how much he hurt you.  _ That’s _ what I’m saying, Louis. That even though it’s a smart career move, it’s going to hurt you to look in those fucking green eyes every day and remember how he made you feel.”

Louis sucked in a breath he didn’t realize he’d been waiting to take. “I - I can  _ defend myself _ ,” He found himself spitting out of his mouth, his heart beating faster. “I don’t need a  _ protector _ , Tom. I know what I’ve gotten myself into and what I’m agreeing to, and I’ll be fine.”

Tom just sighed, and it looked like he was giving up. “You may not  _ need _ a protector, but I vowed to  _ be _ your protector for the rest of our lives.”

It was quiet and empty silence that hung in the air between them. Louis sighed and looked down at his lap, because the look in Tom’s eyes was enough to pierce his heart. As much as he had his opinions and thoughts, he’d never intended to hurt Thomas with them. Never, in his wildest dreams, could he desire anything but the best for Tom.

“I just - I want us to be  _ happy _ , T.” Louis found himself saying, the tears brimming in his eyes seemingly coming from nowhere. “And lately, things have been  _ so complicated _ . Why does it have to change? I love you. You love me. And before now, it’s always been enough. That love has  _ been enough _ for us in worse situations. So take it or don’t take it. But I would never do anything to hurt you. I’m not vulnerable, because I have  _ you _ in my heart.” He promised him. “So, I’m going to go out and do the best for me… But I still think you should  _ do it _ , do what would’ve made all the difference for you when you were little and confused.  _ Be the change we keep waiting for _ , T. I love you too fucking much to watch you give up on something that I know you would regret giving up.”

Thomas looked into his eyes, before sighing. “Fine. I’ll take it.”

✭✭✭

“Yeah, I’ve got some really exciting news,” He swallowed, smiling a bit to make it sound more authentic as he paced around his living room. “I think this film is going to change the way we view love stories and love in general, and I am so glad to officially announce that I’ve accepted the role of Noah in the new remake of  _ The Notebook,” _ He could hear the radio hosts he was on the phone with cheering. “I think, sometimes you decide things for yourself, and sometimes, life decides things for you. And while this is one of those things, I am  _ so excited _ to travel to New Bern tomorrow and dive head-first into the project.”

“Well, you heard it here first, everyone:  _ The Notebook  _ has found their new Noah! Starring alongside Chris Colfer who will be playing Alex, Thomas Avery has just signed onto the project, giving it the green light.” Ryan Seacrest was blubbering the perfect words for headline quotes, and Tom was glad he’d chosen him to break the news. “We’re so excited, Tom, and we wish you safe travels and happy filming with the crew in North Carolina. Also, a little birdie told me that your husband is actually writing the soundtrack for the movie?”

Thomas gave a shrug, but remembered he was on the phone and no one could see him. “Well, man, that’s not my news to share. But I’m sure you’ll hear something about it soon.”

Tom finished up the short interview, before hanging up his phone. He tucked it away in his pocket, sighing.

“Sounds like good news to me. What’s got you so down?”

He turned around, surprised to see Harry sitting up on the kitchen work top, banana in hand and eyebrow raised. “Scared the fucking shit outta me, Harry. When did you get up there?”

Harry shrugged a bit, taking another bite of his banana. “A few minutes ago. You weren’t going to mention you’d accepted the role?”

Tom sighed a bit, shrugging, as he walked into the kitchen to grab a drink for himself. He skimmed down the shelves of the fridge, bypassing the coke and water bottles for a beer. “It didn’t really come up. Everything’s happened so fast - I only actually sent my contract in this morning.”

Harry nodded, lips pursed. “Well, then. Congratulations. I’ll miss seeing you out on the road.”

Tom took a few sips of his beer - it was one of Louis’, not his preferred brand - shrugging a bit. “It’ll be good. Give you two a chance to focus on the music and whatnot. I’ll be back before you know it.” He gave Harry a weak smile.

Harry hopped off the counter, getting right up into Tom’s space. He sighed a bit, before wrapping his arms around him tightly. Tom sank into his embrace, because he needed it. To an extent, it felt like his marriage was falling apart. He was being shipped off to North Carolina for the next three months, and Louis would’ve gone around the world two and a half times by then. It was so rare, but it was hitting him all at once that at this point in time, they were on different pages. Different goals, different views, different priorities. He felt his heart breaking inside his chest. So he accepted the hug from the man he could tell his husband still loved, because Harry just made everyone do crazy things sometimes. 

“You’re gonna do great, Tom,” He promised, looking down at him. “Make us all proud and whatnot. And let’s be serious - you get to make out with Chris Colfer and get  _ paid _ to do it. So really - you’re living every gay man’s dream.”

It was inappropriate, but it was just what Tom needed - because for the first time in days, he was laughing, his chest feeling a whole ton lighter than it had before. “He’s nothing compared to Louis, but I suppose worse things could happen.” He humored him. 

✭✭✭

Things were tense between him and Tom, and Louis supposed that that was to be expected, considering their fight and subsequent conversation the day prior. 

He wished that they’d sprung back to normal. He’d wished that things had become easy and fun and light between them. But there was a heaviness in the air; something he was sure they’d have to talk about but something they needed time to think through first. 

Even though they were at the tail end of a spat, they tried to keep their tradition of ‘leaving day’ the same: Any time Tom went out of town for a long project, or before Louis went for a tour, they’d take a day and spend it together. Anything, really: picking up last-minute snacks for a flight, grab a cuppa at the corner bakery, get a hot lunch at the restaurant that home-cooks everything before 3 months of food from catering services on set, make out, have sex…

Louis had just pulled out, breathless still, giving Tom a peck on the lips before he went to the bathroom to find a rag to clean them off with. He grabbed one from the shelf under the sink, letting the water from the tap run over it before ringing it out. He wiped off his own chest, before coming back out to Tom.He was laid on the bed still, catching his own breath as he scrolled through his phone. Louis nudged his arm up so he could wipe him clean, just like he always would.

It wasn't the same though, and they could both feel it. Even as Tom locked his phone and pulled him down to cuddle, he felt like they were already three thousand miles apart. 

✭

Louis sighed and closed his eyes, feeling Tom kiss his forehead, before hearing him walk right out the door. 

He felt like half of his heart was walking away from. Tom wasn't excited to go like he usually was, and there was no urgent promises of a call right when his flight landed like there usually were. Though, Louis was sure the call would come, and he was sure Tom was thrilled somewhere inside him. He just wished that he’d  _ seen _ that part, because maybe it’d make him feel a bit better right now.

He walked downstairs, after pulling on a pair of sweatpants, since he was never sure exactly who might be in the house. He stood in front of the bay window, watching Tom load his bags into his assistant’s car, before climbing in the passenger’s seat. He wished he could drive his own husband to the airport, but he’d tried it once and it’d caused quite the stir. So much, that they’d insisted Louis not do it again. So he’d settle for waving goodbye out their front window instead. As the car pulled away, he gave a good wave and blew a kiss, one that Tom returned. It didn’t feel much better though as the loneliness of Tom leaving settled in.

He felt a set of arms wrap around his waist, and could tell just who it was by his cologne. “Harry,” he whispered.

“Mm?” He mumbled softly, resting his chin on Louis’ head.

“T’s gone, and I think he hates me,” He admitted, swallowing. “T-Tell me it’s all going to be okay.”

He could feel Harry press a kiss to the top of his head. “It’s all gonna be fine, boo.”

He felt his shoulders relax a bit, shaking his head as the tears that were threatening to fall started to dry. “I don’t think it will this time.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i'd love to hear your feedback in the comments below - what do you think is gonna happen?

**Author's Note:**

> please please please comment if you're liking this so far or if you have questions! comments, bookmarks, and kudos fuel authors :) thanks for reading!


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